Here below is the last update, the final sponsor letter. Enjoy.
“For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.”
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery —
Dearest Family and Friends,
I believe gratitude is the best way to start this fifth and final letter to you, my beloved family and friends, who have supported me with unending prayers, purse, packages or presence during the last 18 months. I thank you for being true to the mission we have shared and in supporting me to extend that mission an extra three months. It is a mission we are called to continue to share even beyond the bounds of Vienna, for it is this mission—to live of love—that is the mission of our humanity. Thus is it strange for me to write that this is ending, that the exciting nervousness that filled my every atom two, cold Decembers ago has been moved, changed, amplified, transformed and is now settling into a nervous peace as I close this chapter in my life and leave behind a place, a people that have become home. End. Close. Final. The poverty of language overcomes me as I write, for what I live now—half of my heart anchored in that home and community, in those lives and experiences, in those hearts I have encountered, and half of my heart seeking to embrace the brilliant unknown that stretches before me—doesn’t seem to have anything to do with endings, closings, or any sense of finality. It must continue—and continuing lies in remaining open at every moment to see how you can love more in every little thing you do and be changed by that love. But let’s not skip to the end so quickly for I have oh so many good things to share with you (or re-share…that all dep ends on whether you are an avid blog reader!)
“Our relationship with Christ is messy, intimate, and beautiful all at the same time. Often He takes us on these dangerous adventures just to strip everything else away but Himself. From there, He’ll show us that He is writing a bigger and far more beautiful story than we could have ever imagined.”
— Paige Armstrong —
This dangerous adventure He has been taking me/us on continued into February in all its intimacy, beauty, and especially MESS. A young Frenchman and former Heart’s Home missionary in India named David came to stay with us for the month and help us work on the apartment. Through David’s helpfulness (not to mention his humorous, childlike presence), as well as that of devoted friends it only took us a month to refinish the walls and ceilings of the entire hallway, the bathroom, and the toilet room, as well as repaint our room! But I’ll admit…that was long enough to have to live and function normally amidst the dust. Among other house updates, the official organization “Points-Coeur/Offenes Herz” has been successfully founded and we have moved onto the second phase of opening the bank accounts required and getting accepted for NGO funding and support from companies (like grocery stores). Of course mere legal status never held the Holy Spirit back and, with the po werful help of his good friend St. Joseph and a friend of ours named Dinka, he hooked us up with a delightful Serbian brother and sister running a produce stand in the neighborhood market. Every Monday they prepare a generous selection of produce, albeit deemed “no longer sellable”, for us to pick up, free of charge, with a spring in our step knowing that due to such open hearts we have enough produce to get us through the week!
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David in the dust of renovations!
Fr. Clemens working on the bathroom
In March, God’s bigger and far more beautiful story for Mathilde, my dear, French sister in community, was further revealed in ways we couldn’t have imagined. She discerned that her vocation was not to the consecrated life. It took a lot of time, experience, prayer, and advice from trusted people in her life for her to discern that she would in fact leave on May 2nd and return to Paris to discover there what next steps the Lord has in store for her open, willing, and searching heart. It was such a blessing to be in community with her for 7 months of learning, stretching, hurting, forgiving, loving—and mercy. Her presence is one of deep charity, patient mercy, enduring adoration, and just one of the many gifts God gave me both in our mission together and for life. During her last week in Vienna, Mathilde’s sister paid us a visit and shared in our life for five days. It was touching to meet her and to share the last moments of Mathi lde’s mission with a part of her family, especially her Farewell Mass (for which Tomoko played!) and her Goodbye Party with friends following the mass. Please keep Mathilde and this new beginning in your prayers! I know she will be so thankful!
Mathilde, Alina and I
during Mathilde’s last week
" I don’t think Mary said “yes” to becoming the Mother of God, full of excitement to experience pregnancy, flee to Egypt, cook dinner for God, and stand under a blood-stained cross. I believe she said “yes” in order to love. To love in and through every task, thought, challenge, word and beat of her heart. So Go! Live! Do! -so that everything is saturated in love! " — Anonymous —
Of course there is always the practical, business stuff to do for the house or events and so on and it has become a treasured challenge for me to focus on those things not only as to-dos to get out of the way so I could get busy loving people—but to instill all my, albeit insufficient, love into every task. But the rest of the time we so have such beautiful encounters with quite an unexpected array of people and characters. In the past three months we have truly lived a bursting life! We have discovered many beautiful new friendships—like among the men we visit every Wednesday evening in a transition home for ex-prisoners. Or, like Frau Hattori, an 85-year-old woman, Japanese by birth, Viennese by choice, who, during her professional career as a violinist became the violin teacher to the Japanese imperial family. She is still a very active woman—making it out to the latest exhibition and concerts, and still enjoys sliding her strong, delicate fingers along the strings of her Stradivarius (although she no longer gives concerts). Sadly her husband passed away years ago, one son (living in Vienna) refuses to contact her, and the other with whom she still speaks lives in Switzerland. She comes from a very prestigious and wealthy family in both business and cultural circles, lives in a dream apartment overlooking the gardens of one of the most famous museums in Vienna, and while she possesses every luxury in the world, she cannot escape her loneliness. Tomoko, who is a dear friend of Frau Hattori, introduced us to her over New Years by inviting her to our New Year’s Eve dinner. Now every Friday, Fr. Jacques and Monika pay Frau Hattori a visit at her apartment to share a lunch and her life with her. She has become such a beautiful friend, even taking part in some of the events we host or simply coming over for mass and lunch on a Sunday afternoon. Visits with her are so simply, genuine, and rich in beauty and grace. The last time she came to lunch before I left she was recounting for us the teenage years she lived in Tokyo with her family, hoping everyday to survive the atrocities of WWII wreaking havoc around her. Already a professional violinist at the time, she continued to give concerts in the midst of the bombings, the daily threat of starvation, the numbness of her fingers, and the smog of fear enveloping her life, her city, and her people. She said that it was at this time, not knowing whether she would live from one day to another, that she understood why God had given her the gift of being a musician—in the midst of all the bombs, hatred, fear, misery, and suffering she had to bring HOPE through her music.
Frau Hattori at the Good Thursday Seder Meal
Alongside new friendships, old friendships have deepened through our continued visits to our Austrian Oma’s and Opa’s, our little refugee friends and their mothers at the house of the Missionaries of Charity, all the families that have made us a part of their own, and all the students and young adults with whom God has given us deep friendships. Then of course we welcome a lot of people—for Mass, for meals, for Adoration, for Sunday movie nights—young and old alike. Life is bustling. In March we had the blessing of hosting our 2
nd Benefit-Concert! Tomoko shared the spotlight with a friend of hers named Lisa Oshima who currently lives in Paris and plays for the Paris Opera. The audience included some of our friends, but even more new faces, which made for a wonderful evening of new encounters and spreading the mission of Heart’s Home with a presentation we gave following the concert. But that’s not the only way we were busy trying to spread and deepen our simple mission of compassion. Through the friendships of a former Austrian volunteer to the Philippines, Alina and I had the privilege to travel to Graz (Steiermark, Austria) where we spent two days giving presentations in various high school classes, as well as host three encounter evenings with young adults and students from the city which included presentations, themed talks, and a lot of Q&A about Heart’s Home and our mission and presence worldwide. Not the easiest thing for a shy introvert scared to death of public speaking, a.k.a me, but God knows exactly how to break petty human insecurities for His greater glory and the weekend was so blessed! Back in Vienna, Alina and I were also invited by Radio Maria to do a live segment with them, and three days before I headed back to the US, I sat down with a man from the Archdiocesan newspaper for an interview for the next publication. Just some exciting ways the Holy Spirit is enabling us to spread the mission of Heart’s Home and open it up to touch the lives of those He may also be calling to do a mission. We haven’t received any vocations yet, but we are steadfast in prayer for God’s timing!
“’Messiah’ is not only a title for Christ but also means a willingness to co-operate in the messianic work: the great become small and the weak take the lead. It is not the heroes of the world who are speaking today in Hero’s Square, but the heroes of the Church. Sixty years ago from the balcony overlooking this square, a man proclaimed himself salvation (Hitler). The new blesseds have another message. They tell us: Salvation (Heil) is not found in a man, but rather: Hail (Heil) to Christ, the King and Redeemer!"
— Bl. JPII—Beatification Ceremony in Vienna’s Hero’s Square during his 1998 papal visit —
Finally in April those 40 days of desert-dwelling came to an end with the glorious feast of Easter! It was my second in Vienna, one full of new experiences, responsibilities, friendships, and growth. After the positive response from those who joined us in Vienna for the Theological and Cultural Weekend we held over New Year’s, we decided Easter would be the perfect opportunity to once again host both international and Austrian, long-time and new-found friends for a special Holy Week—a fusion of spiritual retreat and cultural discovery in the heart of Europe. We had 15 guests from France, Poland, Austria, Japan and Germany (not to mention our own representative countries) who were put up in apartments throughout the city through the generosity of some of our friends who were away for the holidays. Blessed John Paul II, whom Fr. Thierry announced as the saint and spiritual guide for the worldwide Heart’s Home’s family this year, was also our guide from Holy Thursday af ternoon through Easter Sunday evening—bringing us deeper every morning into the mystery of our redemption through profound talks given by Fr. Jacques and Fr. Clemens. We spent the rest of the time between Holy Week liturgies, tours, museums, meals, prayers and togetherness. On Holy Thursday night, we entered into the tradition of our ancestors and celebrated the Seder Meal, complete with a tasty lamb shank (or so I heard) and, following the supper ritual, traditional Jewish music and dancing. On Good Friday, we headed to the Art History Museum were we met our friend and artist Clemens Fuchs who had prepared a special rendition of the Way of the Cross for us—an artistic walk through 14 stations, each carefully chosen from the treasures hanging in the museum which depict the different states of Christ’s Passion. Not only did he introduce us to the pieces of art with their history, creators, and techniques, but he also took us into his own spirituality as an artist and wh at touches his soul when he contemplates the redemption Christ won for us as depicted in the paintings. We drenched ourselves in the silent awaiting of Holy Saturday through a visit to an Anselm Kiefer exhibit—especially moving and profound. But one of my favorite parts of the weekend was on Thursday when I had the privilege of giving the group a tour of Vienna’s city-center through the eyes of Pope John Paul II.
- Giving the tour through Vienna's city-center
It took a long time to prepare, but every minute spent studying Austrian and Viennese history—the story behind the buildings, the statues, each little square I normally walk through in complete historical ignorance—as well as reading the numerous addresses and talks JPII had given to thousands of spectators during his three papal visits to Austria—was worth it. Every minute. In his addresses he spoke to the people of their history, of their faith, of their importance and of their call. Through this simple tour (and the studious preparation required), Blessed John Paul II invited me to live my mission more deeply by inviting me to see, with the eyes of the Spirit guiding him, the soul of Austria—in all its strengths and weaknesses, in what it is called to be as well as overcome. He invited me to become more one with the country I had called home for 18 months and through that unity, deepen my love—for the more we learn of the one we love, the deeper we are called into love. As far as being a tour-guide, I can’t say I’ve found my calling, but I really enjoyed being able to share with those visiting this glimpse that JPII had shared with me. What also really struck me about the weekend were the words of Johannes, a young professional from Graz, which he shared with me before leaving on Sunday—“From the moment I arrived I felt like I belonged here”. He had first heard of Heart’s Home during one of the talks I gave in Graz on Heart’s Home’s charism of adoration earlier that month. Afterwards, with no one to celebrate Easter with and intrigued by the mission and presence of Heart’s Home, he decided at the last minute to join us for Easter. I was so touched by his words and thanksgiving to live the depth and beauty of Easter in a place that became a home in the midst of international strangers who became a family. I was so touched because to some degree I understood what he meant. It is amazing to stand in a room full of strangers who in 4 days unite as a family. I guess we are all deeply united in Christ and the love of His Mother to whom we all belong and sometimes Christ uses us to show that to others. Another present of presence.
When May arrived we had to say our goodbyes to Mathilde, after which it was my turn. Of course the excitement I thought I should feel with returning home hadn’t set in and while trying to wrap my mind around leaving was impossible, the goodbyes were torture…saying goodbye to the families that had become my own, especially several women who had become such motherly or sisterly presences for me, the kindred spirits I had found, the little sisters that had adopted me, the children that had begun to trust me and find refuge in my arms, the women and men who had become my grandmothers and grandfathers, the artists who had become inspirations, the young men who had become like brothers, the little community of four strangers that had become more than family. In the midst of the pain of parting, what struck me was the beauty and light of love that beamed through the parting words. I guess it takes these changes in life, the leaving, in order to understand what you have or t o put words to what a person means to you, what they have done for you, how they have touched and changed you. Actually for me, that was not so much the case—I felt overwhelmed by the beauty and speechless before this soul or that soul who had touched and changed me so much—so my side of the goodbyes were relatively silent and lived in awe-filled hugs or the squeeze of a hand. But to hear, sometimes for the first time, what I meant to them, what our time spent together meant and what they had received from me was moving and humbling for I knew God had worked miracles in the everyday littleness of an encounter. Countless times over the course of the mission I asked myself, “But I have nothing to offer them and all I see is my poverty and weakness and inability to love—how could God be using me?” So listening to their goodbyes I couldn’t claim their love for myself without sharing it with Him who had, in all his Divine Mercy, transformed my poverty and weakness int o His balm of love.
I don’t think any goodbye was more touching than the others, more painful or more beautiful, but I would like to share with you my last moment with Frau Karla—one of my most dear Austrian grandmothers.
Frau Karla in her usual spot
Every time I walked into House St. Barbara’s Station 7, I glanced down the hallway to see her seated in her wheelchair parked against the right hand wall just after the last door. Loyal. Silent. Waiting. Frau Karla always waited for us. Me—the American—and Alina—the Language Computer—she had nick-named us endearingly. When we were late, the nurses let us know that Frau Karla had already been asking about us. When we would miss a Friday, even more happiness at our arrival as well as questions would be awaiting the following week. Every week we sat by her side for a good portion of our visit, hearing the weekly news of the floor, chatting about the weather, families, pasts, futures, playing around with the nurses that came to take their breaks with us. Frau Karla is especially loved on the floor. It helps a lot that she is still totally mentally strong—and even has a better memory than I do, not to mention a great, sometimes perfectly sarcastic sense of humor. O n my last visit, after saying goodbye to some of our other friends on the floor, I headed to Frau Karla – I knew she would be the hardest goodbye. As soon as I walked up to her I said hello and instead of her normal greeting she remained silent and didn’t even look at me. I saw a tear trickle down her flushed cheek and the lines around her mouth deepen as she crinkled up her face to hold back her tears. She said—“Oh I wanted to be so strong!” –in the middle of a sob for which she then excused herself and tried to retrieve a handkerchief from her sweater pocket with her half-lame hand. I had never seen her show emotion. She had had a stroke so movement and emotion in the right side of her body and especially her face were difficult and you had to look in her eyes to really see how she wanted to express herself. And this time, her eyes were watering. Never did I know that it meant so much to her—our presence, our weekly time together. She said she was so sad and that she would miss me so much. She said that the visits gave her something to live for because after so long she felt like she mattered to someone again. That our loyalty to our weekly visits and joy in seeing her gave her a sense of her own value as a human being again. Being able to be a friend to Alina and me, and being called a friend herself was a joy she didn’t think she would experience again. The only words I could find, so surprised at her honesty and depth, were stumbling words of assurance. “Alina will still be coming! Don’t worry! She will come visit every Friday! Don’t worry!” Cracking a peaceful smile to end her tears she said, “Ja, Dank sei Gott! (Thanks be to God!) That will make life still bearable. I hope she still comes because then I will have something to bring me joy. I will have something to live for.” I think back on all the days I didn’t want to travel the 45 minutes to go to the residence home, that I was tired, or discouraged by h aving to “re-meet” those elderly we had already visited a dozen times—and I thank God for taking my weakness and giving me strength to be loyal to what he had called me to do—to be his ambassador and to experience his transforming power
Zubahir
Im going to miss this face. Those eyes and smile and the beautiful little soul filling them with life.
Hard to believe that 18 months ago I wrote you a letter asking you to join me on a road to the suffering hearts and hovels of India! You have been so trusting, so loyal, and such a support for me throughout these 18 months in a new (unexpected) country, opening a new house, learning to have a new look while living a life full of surprises, challenges, lessons, depth, love. The girl sitting on the airplane from Wisconsin to Vienna wouldn’t recognize the one who took that same 11-hour trip back home. I was excited, nervous, full of anticipation in face of all the love I had bursting inside of me that I couldn’t wait to give. I felt so rich and ready and inspired! Yet, I cannot deny that on the other hand I was battling the lingering hesitation and my bafflement at the destination code written on my luggage tags, VIE. Boarding the plane, my mind raced with questions I had heard so many times when describing to others what I was leaving to do—“Vienna? Why Vienna? But what kind of poverty and suffering is there? Who needs help there? What will Heart’s Home do there?” The questions found their counterparts with physical images of poverty-bloated bellies and bones covered with thin skin and ragged clothing—“poor ones” to whom I yearned to give some of my heart-wealth and who I thought only lived in particular parts of the world in particular living situations. But then that plane landed and as God’s adventure unfolded, in the midst of so many awe-inspiring experiences, friendships, treasures, and answers I came to discover the deepest and most transformative truth—I myself was one of the poorest. I needed Heart’s Home in Vienna to show me my poverty and share with me what it means to be human, to love and to be loved. I—with a poverty-bloated belly and ragged clothes covering my frail bones didn’t know how big my hunger was. I didn’t know how much of a beggar I was. I didn’t know how painful my thirst was. Then, thro ugh the open hearts of those we would meet, I began to discover the depths of my humanity. I looked into the eyes of my friend, community sister or brother, or a complete stranger and discovered my gnawing hunger for peace, joy, understanding, mercy, and love—the gnawing hunger of my humanity. I knelt down and begged again and again for the love and forgiveness of the one standing before me. I discovered my thirst to be understood and accepted. And packed in this humble discovery is the heart of my presence, Heart’s Home’s presence in Vienna. Not to stand on the edge, on the outside and minister or organize or problem-solve, but to be invited inside, to embrace, to follow, and to, in spite of at times excruciating pain, be united in the humbling poverty and awesome dignity of our humanity. I had nothing to offer those to whom God led me except for the ability to be beside them, to share, to be united with them and in that nearness to show them their own awesome dignity as a child of God. What is this poverty that unites? It is an insecurity—not the insecurity of losing a job, not having enough to eat, or not having the possibility to go to school. Instead, it is an insecurity that could easily lead to madness. It is the insecurity of our deepest human need. It is the insecurity that continually screams out, “Please! Love me!” and the insecurity of waiting for a response. In this insecurity, I, along with those with whom I have found myself united in this poverty, have the opportunity to truly experience for the first time the dignity of the human person—a dignity grounded in a hope that has already been fulfilled by an eternal response—“Yes! I love you!” The fulfillment of hope found in the never-ceasing and ever-consoling presence of Love Himself—a Love that satiates insatiable hunger; a Love that quenches tormenting thirst; a Love that requires dependence and gives eternal Presence; a Love that requires insecurity in ord er to give peace. In the end, the echoing cry of love, which is the poverty that unites every one of us, finds its reply within a Presence that doesn’t satiate on demand, but expands in order to fill even more, and to expand and fill again.
We are merely called, in all our humbling, human poverty, to let this love expand in and through us, becoming small, radiating signs of hope to those who have not heard His voice or felt His touch by offering our own humble nearness.
My unspeakable gratitude goes first to God for asking me to join Him on this journey and then to you for giving me the courage and ability to follow Him. The things I have learned during these months are innumerable and yet unutterable—waiting to be delicately uncovered with the passing of time. But all the things I have, by some grace of God, been able to express I offer to you as a sign of my thanksgiving and trust that you have some glimpse into what you have done, supported, prayed for, and taken part in. For all the lives you have touched, I thank you. And from the bottom of my heart I thank you for touching my life and accompanying me on this journey that has left me changed in ways, most of which are too great to know just yet.
Our last outing with some of our little friends!
(I guess it doesn't matter what culture/country you are from--every little girl just wants to be a princess: Klara from Austria, Ramnat from Chechnya, Rehmay from Afghanistan)
So for the last time, I thank you with all the gratitude a single, little heart can pour forth!
Auf Wiedersehen!
Marylouise
P.S. While my service with Heart’s Home is ending, Heart’s Home’s mission of compassion remains close to my heart, as I hope it does for all of you. In order to keep this mission going, Heart’s Home continually engages volunteers nationwide who, like I once was, are searching for financial and spiritual sponsorship to help make their mission possible. For example, Armando from Madera, CA will start his mission in Chile for 14 months next July. Sarah, from Jackson Hole, WY will continue to be the Lord’s presence of consolation next to our friends in Lima starting next July, and Emily from Jefferson City, MO is off to Buenos Aires, Argentina for a year-long mission. As I was personally touched by your participation in my mission, I humbly ask you to consider helping to spread a culture of Compassion worldwide by helping one of these young Americans in making their mission with Heart’s Home possible. Through even the smallest financial or spiritual contribution, y our support will be the foundation of one of the most moving experiences both for the volunteers and the lives they touch in their countries of mission. Through your contribution, just as you followed my journey in Vienna, you will be invited to follow more intimately the life and stories of the missionary and their friends in Chile, Peru, or Argentina, as well as be upheld in their daily prayers. Whatever you decide, I thank you for even considering this means of supporting the life and movement of another Heart’s Home. If you are interested, please refer to the form below or follow the link.
http://usa.heartshome.org/New-Ameri...
