Legoland with Cigarettes

recently read this article in Travel and Leisure. 

I am one of these Americans. I just love Europe and always have. A sunny vacation in South America, no matter how much closer or cheaper, just doesn't interest me as much as a vacation in southern Italy, the coast of Spain, or the Greek isles does. I would rather spend autumn in Brugge, Belgium than in New York City, and I would obviously rather live in Vienna, than at home. 

Here’s why Americans love Europe more than anyplace else.

From April 2011By Peter Jon Lindberg

For as long as there’s been an America, Americans have been flocking to Europe. From the moment our colonial compatriots escaped that oppressive old museum-piece of a continent, they began plotting their return on a 10-country all-inclusive tour. We still call it “The Continent,” as if there weren’t a half-dozen others. Sure, counter-intuitive types will stray off now and then on some exotic fling—to Brazil, New Zealand, Japan—but is it ever quite the same? Our fantasy landscapes will always be planted with Dutch tulips, Italian cypress, and Provençal lavender.

Some say we’re drawn to Europe because so many of our ancestors came from there. They’ll tell you Americans and Europeans retain a “common bond.” But come on—look at them. Look at us. We say potato, they say ziemniak. They say Campari, we say Tequiza. We could not be more different.

Though their influence has waned considerably, Europeans had quite a run for a while, inventing democracy, the printing press, gravity, and Krautrock. No wonder Americans have a long-standing inferiority complex. As soon as we set foot on the Continent, we lose all our powers, like Superman returning to Krypton, or Rudy Giuliani to New York. Our basic verbal skills fail us. Our ATM cards, mobile phones, and hair dryers cease to work. Our daunting American swagger is reduced to a tentative “mi scusi.”

Of course, historically speaking, we’re barely teenagers by comparison. Americans in Europe tend to feel like the gawky, wide-eyed prepubescent visiting the hip older sibling—the prodigal brother who learned to smoke unfiltered cigarettes and habituate subterranean jazz clubs. 

(Jazz! For crying out loud, they play it more than we do

—and we invented it!)

So what explains our unwavering obsession? Why—in spite of rising airfares, a still-high exchange rate, and the scarcity of rental cars with automatic transmission—do Americans insist on vacationing in Europe?

Well, because it’s Europe. And it’s awesome. Here are a few reasons why.

Everything is Adorably Small

The first thing that strikes an American visiting Europe is how improbably tiny everything is—not least Europeans themselves. Look at them: driving their puny Smart cars, sleeping in their minuscule hobbit beds, wearing size-XS shirts from Zara. The entire Continent is miniature-scaled: tiny soda bottles, tiny subway cars, tiny garbage trucks. It’s like Legoland with cigarettes. Can you blame us for wanting to collect every precious little piece?

They Appreciate Football

Until recently, only prep-schoolers and suburban four-year-olds played soccer in America. In Europe it’s a $21.6 billion sensation, and the only industry that doesn’t require a government subsidy. Whole 90,000-seat stadiums fill up with riotous, bloodthirsty fans. To nonbelievers “the beautiful game” resembles nothing more than an unsupervised kindergarten recess: OK, everybody just run around for an hour and a half, and occasionally stop to hug! Olé, olé, olé! But for Europeans—far more sensitive to subtlety and nuance—those 90 minutes are the most sacred and profound of the week.

The Fashion? Incredible

The birthplace of Camus, Beckett, and Ionesco, Europe has always been at home with absurdity. Nowhere is this proud legacy more evident than in the way European men dress. Seriously, have you ever seen an Italian in his native environment, left to his own sartorial devices? He will pair a Day-Glo-orange cycling jersey with a checked suit (double-breasted, of course) and ivory suede moccasins. He will swathe himself in a veritable gelato shop of pastels. He will make Björk look pragmatic. Yet around the planet, Italian men are revered for their fashion sense. Why? Because no matter how ridiculous they look, they are impervious to embarrassment. When you own your goofiness as Europeans do, the world is your catwalk.

Great Education for the Kids

Traveling to Europe is a fine way to expose your children to history, art, foreign languages, and prostitution. I was 10 when my parents first took me to Amsterdam. Walking to dinner the first night we passed a lady sitting in a window, dressed in what I took to be a not-very-convincing Catwoman costume. On her lap was a fluffy Siamese cat. A sign in the window said “$75 USD.”

“Can we buy him, Dad? Can we?” I begged. “Canwecanwe?”

“She’s not selling the cat,” he replied. And that was that.

Sex is no Big Deal

They put topless women in newspapers. They sunbathe in the nude. They’ve kept Silvio Berlusconi in office for 10 years. French President Nicolas Sarkozy married much younger former model, Carla Bruni—and both are rumored to have had affairs. In Europe, randiness is nothing to feel bad about. If anything, it’s a mark of sophistication. This is why, in French movies, devastatingly attractive 19-year-old women are always falling head-over-Chloé-heels for slovenly old sex-obsessed alcoholics. Who cares if they reek of pastis and stale tobacco? They’re so confident! So virile! So captivating!

The Miracle of European Cuisine

Having endured all manner of privation throughout history, Euros learned to survive by sifting through the bottom of the food chain. Hence their vestigial preference for hooves, tails, spleens, kidneys, and other odd bits. But here’s the rub: everything they cook is crazy-delicious. Even the calves’ intestines. You will never eat better calves’ intestines in your life. Nor better boiled sheep’s head, nor pressed ox tongue. The secret? Fantastic butter, and lots of it. Also? Everything tastes great when you’ve been drunk since noon.

Loads of Downtime

Europeans love whiling away the day at outdoor cafés. On the sidewalks of Athens, Marseilles, Milan, and Barcelona, you’ll see adult males—on the small side, sure, but by all other measures “grown-up”—doing nothing all afternoon but sipping espresso and reading newspapers/pornography. (The incredible thing about Europe is that, aside from soccer players and prostitutes, nobody else seems to have a job. If they do, they’re on strike.)

Then again, if you lived in Europe, you’d sit around drinking espresso all day too. The coffee is phenomenal. Even the skeeviest autostrada rest stop will serve you a perfect ristretto. Which is convenient, since coffee is about the only thing you can drink there if you don’t want to get plastered. Take it from me: There is nothing refreshing about anise-hazelnut soda.

It’s Surprisingly Cost-Effective

Europe gets flak for being expensive—and, granted, it can require a planeload of cash to get there in high season. But once you arrive, flying from Paris to Berlin costs less than a dinner and movie back home. Eighty cents will buy you the best baguette you’ve ever had. Wine is cheaper than orange juice. In many respects, Europe is a bargain. It’s just that the pricing structure is all back-assward, so things that ought to be affordable (a tank of gas; the London subway) cost an arm and a leg, while things that ought to be costly (tobacco; foie gras; health care) are dirt cheap or outright free.

So go on: smoke, drink, and gorge on foie gras with abandon. Join the throngs at a football match or a labor strike. Ogle topless pinups with impunity. Buy your-self a pair of pistachio-colored Italian sneakers. It’s Europe! Honestly, why go anywhere else?

+delightful little memory of mine sparked by the highlighted part of the article-there is a cafe across the platz from our apartment called Tachles and every Thursday they have jazz night, just one among many cool cultural offerings throughout the week at this eclectic, superbly decorated, staffed and managed cafe. In German a "j" is pronounced like a y...so when I ecstatically shared with Monika and Fr. Jacques that every Thursday there was a "yazz" night next door to us...they looked at me and laughed. "You mean, Jazz, right?" I replied that that was in fact the English way to say it, to which she responded that since Jazz was an authentic american contribution to the musical world, the pronunciation is always English. Ever since then, whenever we refer to this wonderful genre, they pay me a tribute/lovingly make fun of me and refer to it as "yazz". 

the latest

             I love tracing everything that happens in life in Austria back to its origin because it helps you realize how everything truly does happen for a reason...because God is just that big and powerful, and most of all such a loving provider.
             I have already told you about Bernhard and how he has been such a guardian angel of ours in Vienna. Well this chain of connections leading to the Lord providing more than I could have asked for, begins with him!
             The Thursday before I left Austria, I spent about 6 hours online doing all kinds of legal and flight research, on the phone with consulates and foreign ministries both in Austria and the US, and doing just about everything I could to inform my decision of when and how I needed to leave and could return to Austria. It was a difficult decision to make, knowing that I would have to be away from Austria from 1-3 months because of a stupid hiccup in my residence application process, but knowing its what I had to do, I confirmed all that I had learned and decided with Sr. Regina in Brooklyn and then booked my flight (roundtrip...guessing just when I would be allowed to return...i gave myself a month). The instant after I booked it (what I had decided to do was completely legal and by the books, but risky at the same time because the woman in the foreign ministry office warned me that sometimes border control officers make decisions by their own discretion), I sat back on the couch, closed my eyes, and said, "Ok God, I have and am working so hard to do this legally, morally, and in line with your will. So its all yours now...if you want me back here, you have to make this happen."
               It was 11pm and I was heading to adoration because I had been so busy with all the details that I hadn't made it to adoration yet. I called Monika for the code to the 24/7 chapel, and 7 minutes later she called me back with some news that brought me to tears. She had just gotten off the phone with Bernhard-she had called him after she got of the phone with me because she thought maybe he would have some advice. (Side note: The day I found out I would have to leave Austria, I was in the car with Monika driving to retreat and talking about the situation...I remember saying to her, 'I should just call Bernhard. He's probably best friends with someone who can clear all this up...I mean, come on...the Cardinal texts him.' We both laughed and I never called Bernhard because he was on a retreat in Rome) After Monika described the situation to him, Bernhard called--from Rome at 11 pm--a friend of his that works in the Foreign Ministry, who then told him to have me send all my paperwork and information and description of all that has happened first thing in the morning and that he would look it all over and do anything he could to help me. Bernhard told Monika to get the message to me of what to do the next morning, leaving her with this comment: "He's rather high up in the chain. If he can't do anything to make it possible for Mary to stay, no one can." I was so shocked that after entrusting the whole thing to God, He instantly sent me a little message...Don't worry, I know its in My Hands and I'll take care of everything from here! I went to adoration completely dumfounded at the providence of God.
                Looking over all my information, the friend of Bernhard said it was too late (I had 3 days left in my 90-days) to do anything to make it possible for me to stay, but he would directly call the consulate in Chicago and ensure that they would contact me to help me with anything once I got to Chicago. That was enough of a miracle for me!!
               Several days after arriving in Chicago, sure enough, I received an email...from the Consul himself. Exchanging plenty of email back and forth concerning the whole situation and what to do at this stage, he directed me to apply for a D visa that would be valid for 6 months...as soon as I got the visa I could return to Austria and there await my residence permit to go through. He couldn't guarantee a time range of how long the residence permit would take...but 6 months would surely be enough. And he would wave the 80 euro fee for applying, and I would be moved to the top of the pile (usually you have to wait 4 months to receive one of these visas).
                The next day I arrived at the consulate and spoke to a woman about the application, which she then told me was an impossibility because I had already been there on a tourist visa within the 6 month period...Austria doesn't give back back visas like that, much less it would mess up my application process for the residence permit. So frustrated I just said, well Mr. Milosits told me to come here and do this, so I don't know what to do. I waited while she then left to go consult someone behind the mysterious wall separating those in charge, from us poor helpless souls trying to get into Austria. When she returned she had the biggest smile on her face and with the most sympathetic voice she said, "Oh Ms. McGraw, I'm so sorry for everything you've experienced and had to go through. I'll take your papers and your visa will be printed on the next processing date. You should be able to return to Austria next week." Dumbfounded I turned in the papers and thanked her. WHAT! A WEEK!! MIRACLES.
                Since a roundtrip ticket between Austria and Chicago was cheaper to book, I had already booked my return trip to Austria for April 20th, so I will still be leaving on that date to return to Austria, WITH A VISA, and NO PROBLEMS IN SIGHT, to go wait for my residence permit for which I have finally gathered all the necessary documents and will be mailing this week! In the mean time, I have spent a weekend with my parents, enjoyed more quality time with Sadie, and will be going to spend 2.5 weeks in Brooklyn to work and live in community (aka continue living in mission instead of taking a months vacation...shucks haha) and hopefully have a little silent retreat time. Then I will return to Chicago for two days before FLYING BACK TO AUSTRIA!!!!!

Who knew 2 months ago that the twenty-something, tall, Austrian philosopher we met at Theology on Tap would be the instrument of so many of God's miracles for us...including but not limited to my ability to get back to Austria in the quickest way possible!


Being here has been amazing, and not just because it has been a nice little vacation.
1. begin here with Sadie has been amazing. Yes, it is overwhelming to be back in America so quickly and abruptly, to be thrown into the fast-paced and crazy lives of young adults in new jobs in a fantastic city, but it was been such a blessing to be welcomed so lovingly by Sadie and her amazing roommates and other wonderful friends here.
2. Speaking of her roommates...one is named Anna and graduated a year before Sadie from Depauw. She and I became quick friends and I absolutely adore her! And she NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS because a month or so ago, her mom was diagnosed with severe pancreatic cancer. She had already endured surgical removal of a large portion of the cancer, but is now in chicago to undergo chemotherapy. This experience is full of a lot of suffering for Anna's entire family, but especially for Anna for whom the worry is sometimes so straining and exhausting. Love and Suffering. Please pray for her little heart that she feels some peace in the prayers and support surrounding her, and also for a miracle that her mother may be cured from her cancer. Please, just pray that God's most adorable will me be done, and whatever trials and suffering it includes may be a strengthening experience of endurance and deepen the love that unites her family.
3. It was an absolute blessing, more than I could possibly deserve, to get to spend three whole days with my parents while they stopped in Chicago on their roadtrip from Florida to Wisconsin. I was a little worried that it would make it harder for me to be here in the US after seeing them and then missing them more, and even harder to return to Austria because I spent time with them and would be more homesick afterwards, but it turned out to be the opposite. Seeing them brought such peace and rest to my heart and soul. We got to talk in person and in depth about the life I've been living and what I need to take with me into the next 10 months, they were sounding boards for alot of issues or struggles that of course accompany a life of service, they were welcome arms that just held me (Ive missed hugs so much, or simply just lying your head on someones shoulder...just doesn't happen in Austria haha), they humored me as I dragged them to a french film called Of God's and Men (more on that later...you HAVE to see it) and the new modern wing of the Art Institute, they loved me and just enjoyed each others company. Theres nothing like parents. But, at the same time, the day they left, I was of course sad, but not that sad. I know Austria is where I am supposed to be. I am excited to go back and not sad or more homesick after watching my parents drive off. It is a deep peace I feel that even though I am far away from my family, we are all where we are supposed to be and worry, or loneliness, sadness, or homesickness are not in the cards...the hope and joy of doing the Lord's will is too permeating.

finally...details on crack.

(i wrote this several days before I found out I would have to leave Austria, but for some reason I never posted it. whoops)


well its about time, right. 

genau. 

i think this is a good time to write. 

we are officially living in the Offenez Herz-Wien apartment,

(although please still send mail to Monika...we're not sure how the mail works here yet)

and tonight will be our 4th night here. 

Fr. Jacques comes tomorrow...to stay, at least for 3 months. 

And a friend of ours, Klaudia, gave us an internet stick (for which she won't let us pay) so that we can have internet in the apartment until we get the wireless installed. (so amazingly generous)

so here we go...this is going to be the most sporadic, least aesthetically pleasing piece of writing, but at least its something. 

the past two months have been ridiculous. in one week, our lives completely flipped...we had something to do every afternoon and night of the week, not to mention fitting ion deutsch-lernen, and the four hours of prayer we have everyday. And no, this is not complaining. This is just me explaining, in the chance that you have never experienced this in your own life...unlikely, how God works through surprises. He is like a best friend everyday trying to come up with some ridiculous, exciting thing to surprise you with everyday, just to see you smile, cry because you're laughing so hard, or stun you because of how loved and how blessed you feel. 

That being said. As awesome as God is, as well as most of the people that we have met and befriended, and who have helped us tremendously along the way, the going hasn't been easy. Everyday brings its difficulties...and some days end with me thinking, "Ok, all those things I thought were bad really weren't that bad, life is good, God is good, and tomorrow is a new day." Then there are those other days that I am convinced YOUR PRAYERS and good thoughts are the only things that keep my feet from running to the nearest U-bahn, taking that to the airport, and getting the heck out of this entirely foreign world and back into mine. 

yet, 2 months (pretty much) since I last posted anything with substance, I am still here. Still having wonderful days, and difficult days. Still depending totally on God as well as your prayers, and not being let down in the least. Still trying my best to love every person I meet as much as they need, failing more than I would like, and trying again. Still trying to learn German, and getting better everyday. Trying to bring a little more humanity to the big city of Vienna and more God/Love to all its people, and falling more in love with the city and Austrians everyday. 

Our life is a school: Part 1

compared to most of my posts...this will be mostly to-the-point and concrete to fill you in on what seems like a years worth of experiences jammed into 2 months...

-this is for Bob Hogan (if you even read this...): On January 9th we went with Monika to the apartment of a friend of her's from Slovokia...Theresa...who just happens to be the sister of Dominika!...a girl I studied with in Gaming...and who Bob knows very well. Theresa says hi...and she mentioned more than once that she absolutely loves you and thinks you are one of the most wonderful people in the world. 

-Gemeinschaft Schule: an integral part of life in the community of Heart's Home (Offenes Herz) is called Gemeinschaft Schule (Community School)...it can be just for the community, or open to guests you invite, or created specifically for other people (for example, Fr. Paul in Brooklyn runs a School of Community once a week for a group of artists from the Brooklyn area). The School of Community was adopted from an Italian movement started by Luigi Giussani (a friend of our founder, Fr. Thierry) called Communion and LIberation. It is a time for catechesis and discussion...centered around an important text of the Church or a theological or philosophical text...which is read and discussed...and most importantly related to your life experience. The School of Community is first and foremost a school of life...every text that is read sheds light on some question that arises from daily life experiences (i.e. What is most important in your life, and how does that shape your actions, your daily experiences, your happiness and your despair) and then a very short talk is given by the leader of the school of community prompting discussion regarding personal experience or any questions you might have. I am explaining this so much (if you don't really understand it, I'm sorry...I didn't understand it until I actually participated in one) because it is a very important part of our life both in community and in mission in Vienna. We have started our own Offenes Herz Gemeinschaft Schule here in Vienna: Monika (or Fr. Jacques when he is here...more about him later) usually prepares a 10 minute talk to introduce the text and to lead everyone into a discussion  (oh, and yes, it is all in german), Maria-Elizabeth (the former Heart's Home missionary to Peru) is always present, but the rest of the people who join us have not been consistent for the three weeks we have had meetings, but hopefully we will begin to have a more solidified group. In any case, the discussion is always beautiful and it has been a great way to deepen our friendship with friends that share an interest in the Catholic faith. There is also a group from Communion and Liberation here in Vienna which has a Gemeinschaft Schule every Wednesday. Just two weeks ago, Pepe (the CL priest at the KHG...I'll explain that next) started the new semester of Gemeinschaft Schule for the students and any guests to the KHG on Luigi Giussani's most famous book, The Religious Sense. We try to attend this as much as we can-both to participate in the gemeinschaft schule, as well as to see all of our friends, and to work on our German. 

-Its like being back at Franciscan.....the KGH: Our connection to the KHG was obviously first through Monika (like everything in our lives) and through her friendship with the priest and university chaplain "Pepe" (a very deep and yet hilarious, 20-something-souled, chain-smoking, spanish CL priest) and quick friend of ours. The KHG is a Catholic living center for university students from various universities around Vienna studying here for either one semester, or the entire length of studies) where Pepe is the University chaplain. The first time we met these students, mostly Italians, was after the student mass in Stephansdom (organized by the students from the KHG) at a nearby pizzeria. This was only the beginning...now every Sunday after the evening mass (7pm) in Stephansdom we go out for "studenten-essen" with a huge group of the students from the KHG, from all different countries (Italy, Austria, Germany, Ukraine, Thailand, Hungary, etc.), studying everything from engineering to physical geography, to philosophy, and speaking all different languages (or many different pronunciations of German). We have become good friends with Thum (tom) a music student especially talented at the piano who has a constant and infectious smile, and a knack for keeping you constantly updated on the opera and symphony performances every week, including prices for standing tickets (usually around 2 euro). And then there is Judita, an Italian girl studying Theology (? I actually forget), and the first person on this side of the Atlantic to give me an honest to goodness HUG! (none of this cheek kissing nonsense haha). And then Carlotta, who reminds me a lot of Boettch (intimidating at first, and then you learn there is nothing to be intimidated by :) ), who speaks English really well and always wants to practice with me, loves fashion and shopping, and is studying something in the business sphere. And then there is Phillip from Germany who will be finished with his university studies in a month and will then enter the business world. He speaks English well...but with a southern/Texan accent that makes me instantly think of a cowboy and I laugh out loud at him every time I hear him say even one word in english. Then there is Roberta, another lovely Italian who sings her German (think of the Italian singing type of accent paired with german words), studies philosophy, and was one of the first CL students I got to know. Then there is Patrick who also comes from German, I forget what he studies, and never wants to move back to Germany because he loves Austria so much ( a huge surprise for me considering all the German pride I usually encounter). Then there is Raphael who comes from Austria, is a wonderful cook (one night Monika and I were invited to dinner in one of the student apartments after mass and adoration and Raphael and Samuel and another man cooked a wonderful fish dinner...but cooked the fish whole and then brought them to the table. After seeing one of the students extract the eyes, I couldn't eat much) and who I ran into one afternoon while walking home from the grocery store and then proceeded to take a 20 minute walk with me back to Monika's apartment because the grocery store bag had ripped and I needed help carrying them home. Elizabeth, whose mother is from Austria and father is from Manchester, England, I just met 2 weeks ago after Sunday mass and proceeded to become instant friends. She works in an advertising firm here in Vienna, speaks English very well, and 4 days ago came (along with two other friends) to help us paint the room in the apartment that we are preparing to be our chapel. Then of course, there are Pietro and Andrea...two amazing Italian men who have become like brothers for us! Andrea is an art student but already an accomplished painter. His work is extraordinary and his heart even more so. The second time we met him was when he was giving a presentation at the KHG on  the connection between Beauty and Truth, Art and Jesus Christ. He focused his presentation on a text by Cardinal Ratzinger which is one of my favorites (see the "treasure" section of my blog). I hope I will have so much more to tell you later in the life of this blog about Andrea, his amazing artistic talent, the beauty of his life and testimony, and the budding friendship between him and Offenes Herz. And then Pietro, another Italian with a heart of gold, a beautiful voice, very talented, guitar-playing hands, and a desire to have us involved in everything that goes on at the KHG. He is helping to lead the retreat that we are going on this weekend in Bratislava with Pepe and a lot of the people I've already mentioned, and which he personally made sure we would be going on. I guess you could say, this is God's little gift of friendship for us to experience in a mission in which we are living to give our friendship to others. 

+short note: presentation by Andreas on Cardinal Ratzinger's (Pope Benedict XVI) article on Beauty and Truth. I especially loved two thoughts and thought you might like to hear them : 1. Beauty is always painful, it is a wound of desire. 2. The difference between true beauty-that which makes us transcend ourselves and leads us to search for something greater-and the false beauty, that which incites man's egoism, incites his will to power and possession...once you start to try to grasp, possess, control, lord over beauty, it begins to die. 

So many friends: Apart from all these new friends in the KHG, there is Wei Wei...the best friend of Monika who is fully Austrian, but of Chinese heritage, is an up-and-coming fashion designer in Vienna who is preparing to open her own store in the 1st district in a couple of months (although it will feature not her own work, but the one of a kind functional art (clothing, jewelry, interior design, etc.) of her friends/colleagues..."Meine Kollegen"), hardly ever sleeps, and is an amazingly sweet person. Also there is Maria-Bella, a beautiful half-peruvian Austrian who is a friends of Monika's and now a friends of ours who we frequently run into in mass in Stephansdom and have dinner or coffee with usually every week. There is also Klaudia, a polish engineering student who will hopefully be moving to Graz next year to go to Austrian Airlines flight school. Her parents own a paint shop in Poland and have helped us tremendously in figuring out what to do in order to take care of the old walls of this apartment and have given us a lot of painting equipment and paint pigment. In fact, Klaudia was just here this afternoon helping us finish up painting the chapel as a surprise for Fr. Jacques when he arrives tomorrow. Klaudia is also the one that is making this blog post possible through the internet she donated to us until we get our wireless working. (there are so many more friends...but you're probably bored already because descriptions of people aren't really that great unless you eventually get to meet the people...so im going to stop now)

-Monika and the Holy Spirit: So Monika's english gets better everyday and I get so excited every time she comes to the same mass as us because then I have my very own translator! We joke because she thinks she is a horrible translator, but truly I am almost brought to tears at every homily she translates because it turns out to be just exactly what I need to hear at that moment in the day, week, mission, life. Even if she isn't translating exactly right according to the language, she is always translating (with a little help from the Holy Spirit) what exactly my heart needs to hear. It is truly a miracle. This was especially true in January when my German was so horrible and the reality of what I was doing here and how long I would be here was just sinking in (talk about homesickness). Now, I can speak German well enough and understand even better and last week was the first time I understood an entire homily without a translation! 

-The Legionaries are in Austria too! : So in that first week back in January when life all the sudden got crrrazy one of the evenings was spent at Theologie von Fass (the Austrian version of Theology on Tap, the Regnum Christi apostolate for young adults). The Auxiliary Bishop of Vienna was there to give a talk on 'Testimony: The Mission of the Christian Life" (I definitely just made that title up, but it adequately sums up the theme). It was a very interesting talk (thanks to the translation of Monika) and it was a great chance to be introduced to Fr. George (the Legionare priest in Vienna) and Esther (one of the 2 consecrated woman in the Vienna area with Regnum Christi). But most of all, it was here that we met a young man that quickly became one of our greatest friends here in Vienna and through whom the Lord has given us so many gifts and suprises--Bernhard. 

-Bernhard: Bernhard is what we (Monika, Alina, and I)  "Ein Echt Österreicher"--a genuine Austrian. He is always on time, always presentable and usually well-dressed, very clean, very polite, well connected to many spheres of society, and very good at planning. But learning all of this has only come with time. The first time we met was after Theologie von Fass, which he is the director of, and we met him through, of course, Monika. Over New Years, Monika went on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and on the 12 hour bus ride there, she sat next to a stranger, who just happened to be Bernhard. Monika made sure we went to Theologie von Fass because there would be a man there who absolutely loves America and everything American, speaks English really well, and studies Philosophy--so of course I had to meet him. It turns out that he does speak English very well, and lived for some time in the States and loves America, but quickly discovered while living there that he is "Ein Echt Österreicher" and could only really spend the rest of his life living in Austria. Turns out that more specifically than Philosophy, we are also connected by a similar scholastic love--the philosophy of Dietrich von Hildebrand. This month, Bernhard is beginning his doctoral thesis and will be writing on some topic revolving around the political, anti-nazi papers and philosophy of community of Dietrich von Hildebrand. Thanks to the openness and generosity of my former professor Dr. Crosby (my fav. at Franciscan), whose email address I gave to Bernhard, Bernhard will now be writing his thesis under the direction of Dr. Josef Seifert, a philosopher himself, as well as one of Dietrich's best friends. And he will be writing this while he is working both in German during the week and Vienna on the weekends (beginning after Easter), so please keep his work and studies in your prayers. But that is not all...Bernhard has also asked us to be involved in the planning and organization of Theologie von Fass as an avenue through which to meet people looking for some sense of community and way to grow deeper in their faith. The first planning meeting we went to for the new semester was in Bernhard's old apartment (he just moved about 2 weeks ago) and when we were getting ready to leave after the meeting, Bernhard pulled us aside and right then and there told us he wanted to donate almost all of his furniture (beautiful, practically new, mostly Ikea), stereo, lamps, kitchen appliances to the new Heart's Home apartment. We were flabbergasted. And so now, as I sit in our living room...my feet are resting on the table he gave us, i'm listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata out of his surround sound stereo system, my notes are illuminated by his lamps, and we will be eating breakfast tomorrow morning on the kitchen table he gave us and then lunch on the dining room table he gave us...oh and I am sitting on the leather couch that he arranged for his cousin to donate to us. Amazing right. He is truly a Godsend to us...helping us from everything from furniture moving, figuring out which cell phone company to use, how to get internet and a landline in the new apartment, etc. I have no idea what we would be doing here in Vienna without him...but that is the amazing thing about God's surprises...They're just always THAT PERFECT that life couldn't be better in any other way. 

-I'm a teacher: Once a week I teach english to a little girl named Jessica. Her parents are from Poland and have been living in Vienna for 20 years--Irena and Slawomir. The first time I met them, I went to their house to babysit Jessica, she is 9 but looks 13 and is as tall as me, while her parents went out dancing with friends. Irena and Slaw (pronounced Slav) were so welcoming and an immediate friendship began to bud between Irena and I. We talked for a while, getting to know each other, before they went out and then we enjoyed a brunch together the next morning...well, more like lunch because it was at 12, because Irena and Slav didn't get back from their night on the down until 5am (its as if they're still in college of something!). At lunch Irena asked me if I would be interested in tutoring Jessica in English because they want her to learn an authentic accent and have an opportunity to practice what she is learning in school. After consulting Fr. Jacques and Alina, I began to tutor Jessica once a week in English. She is full of energy when she comes over to the Heart's Home apartment, ready to play several games of hide-and-seek throughout the hour we spend together, and always begging for tea that she never even drinks and a little after school snack. Somehow in the mix of it all, we do get to practice english...because I try to only converse with her in english...she is actually very good even though she is so young. It is also a wonderful opportunity for me to practice my german because as I teach her new words or american ways of saying things, I have to explain or define the terms in german. She is only 9...tutoring can't be that serious and book oriented...so I have to get creative before she starts to get completely uninterested in english. The time before last I taught her how to play Go FISH! which is her new favorite things to do. She even taught her father! So when I say "I tutor" I really mean I play hide and go seek and Go FISH with a 9 year old who has really no interest in learning english, but is starving for friendship. Why starving? Well, I am sure she has wonderful friends at school and she has already told me so much about her neighbors and her best friends that she goes on vacation with, and she definitely does not lack love from her parents...she is an only child, constantly showered with love and affection. So, it seems absurd that I would say "starving", but every week she cannot wait to leave (despite not being interested in english), and she begs her mom to let her come more than once a week. She gives me hugs sporadically while we are hanging out, and the last time I taught her, her mom had to pull her away from me because she wouldn't let me go when her mom came to pick her up. It is a beautiful mystery why she loves me so much (she writes me notes when we are playing Go Fish usually consisting of, 'Dear Mary. I love to come here. You are fun. I love you. Jessica'), but I just smile, hug her back, and thank God for bringing this little family in my life. THe mission pervades our lives...even our work...Jessica craves love and I am here in Vienna to give just that.

-Apartment: today is the 3rd day we are sleeping in the apartment. Its dirty, but I am starting to like it this way. Its as clean as it needs to be. We've almost completely painted the chapel. more updates soon because the renovators and people from the bank have been paying us many visits. 

-Fr. Jacques has come, and will come again...tomorrow.

to be holy: morning reflections

little treats I found while doing my morning meditation today:

1.

from On Saints and Saintliness, Part II by Blessed John Henry Newman,

(speaking of his distinction of two types of Saints based on their external dispositions)

              On the other hand, there are those, and of the highest order of sanctity too, as far as our eyes can see, in whom the supernatural combines with nature, instead of superseding it, --invigorating it, elevating it, ennobling it; and who are not the less men, because they are saints. They do not put away their natural endowments, but use them to the glory of the Giver; they do not act beside them, but through them; they do not eclipse them by the brightness of divine grace, but only transfigure them. They are versed in human knowledge; they are busy in human society; they understand the human heart; they can throw themselves into the minds of other men; and all this in consequence of natural gifts and secular education. While they themselves stand secure in the blessedness of purity and peace, they can follow in imagination the ten thousand aberrations of pride, passion, and remorse. They world is to the them a book, to which they are drawn for its own sake, which they read fluently, which interests them naturally, --though, by reason of the grace that dwells within them, they study it and hold converse with it for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. Thus they have the thoughts, feelings, frames of mind, attractions, sympathies, antipathies of other men, so far as these are not sinful, only they have these properties of human nature purified, sanctified, and exalted; they are only made more eloquent, more poetical, more profound, more intellectual, by reason of their being more holy. 

...it just makes you want to be holy doesn't it

2. 

Let us be wholly absorbed by grace, from a homily by Pseudo-Marcarius

Inside us is evil at work suggesting unworthy inclinations. However, it is not in us in the same way as, to take an example, water mixes with win. Evil is in us without being mixed with good. We are a field in which wheat and weeds are growing separately. We are a house in which there is a thief, but also the owner. We are a spring which rises from the middle of the mud, but pours out pure water. All the same, it is enough to stir up the mud and the spring is fouled. It is the same with the soul. If the evil is spread, it forms a unity with the soul and makes it dirty. With our consent, evil is united with the soul; they become accomplices. Yet there comes a moment when the soul can free itself and remain separate again; in repentance, contrition, prayer, recourse to God. The soul could not benefit from these habits if it were always sunk in evil. It is like marriage. A woman is united with a man and they become one flesh. But when one of them dies, the other is left alone. But union with the Holy Spirit is complete. So let us become a single spirit with him. Let us be wholly absorbed by grace. 

3. 

from a sermon by Peter Chrysologus, 

(a meditation on the reading from today's Vespers)

"I appeal to you by the mercy of God." This appeal is made by Paul, or rather, it is made by God through Paul, because of God's desire to be loved rather than feared, to be a father rather than a Lord. God appeals to us in his mercy to avoid having to punish us in his severity. 

Listen to the Lord's appeal: In me, I want you to see your own body, your members, your heart, your bones, your blood. You may fear what is divine, but why not love what is human? You may run away from me as the Lord, but why not run to me as your father? Perhaps you are filled with shame for causing my bitter passion. Do not be afraid. This cross inflicts a mortal injury, not on me, but on death. These nails no longer pain me, but only deepen your love for me. I do not cry out because of these wounds, but through them I draw you into my heart. My body was stretched on the cross as a symbol, not of how much I suffered but of my all-embracing love. I count it no loss to shed my blood: it is the price I have paid for your ransom. Come then, return to me and learn to know me as your father, who repays good for evil, love for injury, and boundless charity for piercing wounds. 

...

Paul says: "I appeal to you by the mercy of God to present your bodies as a sacrifice, living and holy." The prophet said the same thing: "Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but you have prepared a body for me." Each of us is called to be both a sacrifice to God and his priest. Do not forfeit what divine authority confers on you. Put on the garment of holiness, gird yourself with the belt of chastity. Let Christ be your helmet, let the cross on your forehead be your unfailing protection. Your breastplate should be the knowledge of God that He Himself has given you. Keep burning continually the sweet-smelling incense of prayer. Take up the sword of the Spirit. Let your heart be an alter. Then, with full confidence in God, present your body for sacrifice. God desires not death, but faith; God thirsts not for blood, but for self-surrender; God is appeased not by slaughter, but by the offering of your free-will.

have a wonderful day. 

p.s. this blog is going to undergo a tsunami of its own today...so if you're feeling bored and feel like browsing blogs...check back for a plethora of updates coming your way today. pax. 

city hopping: welcome to the desert

last week was not stressful at all. so thats why I have had so much time to keep you updated on everything going on, respond to so many emails, etc. 

(sarcasm obvi)

after countless hours of internet research, visits to the Vienna magistrat and the US consulate, phone conversations with the various consulates and departments of foreign ministry in Vienna, plane ticket searching, and so forth...I boarded a plane to Chicago. 

To give you the lowdown:

When you are a US citizen, you are allowed to travel to the Schengen land (pretty much all of Europe...not Great Britain or Ireland) as a visitor/tourist without a visa for 90 days within 180 days...that means that in a time period of 6 months you can be in this area for 3 months time that is not necessarily consecutive. Understanding this before I left, I turned in all the paperwork in Chicago that was necessary for my application for a residence permit (a permit that would allow me to reside in Austria for 12 months) and with these positive words from the woman in the Austrian Consulate, "Ok, you have everything turned in that you need and your application is complete, now you just have to wait to hear word that your residence permit has been granted and is waiting for you to pick up in the Magistrat in Vienna," I booked my flight to go to Austria and use these 90 days to wait for the granting of my residence permit. 

Almost a week before my 90 days were up, I paid a visit to the Magistrat in Vienna because I hadn't heard one word from them concerning the progress of my residence permit application. If I stay longer than my 90 visa-free days in Austria, a tourist faces serious consequences when they are caught at the boarder of the Schengen land, trying to leave. It doesn't matter how long you stay over your 90 days...if you are over that time at all, you have been living in the Schengen land illegally and you can be fined and banned from the Schengen land for a period of months to a period of years! (not a punishment I was interested in receiving). Upon meeting with the man at the Magistrat, I received news that completely contradicted the words of the woman in the Consulate in Chicago before I left. This man informed me that, "It is good that you are here today because you filled out the wrong application in Chicago, and you are also missing several documents, and another couple of documents are not valid in Austria in the way you have turned them in. So you need to fix all these problems before we can finish the decision making process as to whether to give you a residence permit or not." 

Now, if I had learned this a month before, there would have been no problem...I could get the necessary papers sent from America, complete my application, and all would be smooth sailing. But, with a week left in my legal time in Austria, all the work I needed to do as well as the time the Magistrat may take to approve or deny my residence permit would take more than a week...and I would have to leave Austria, go back to America and gather all the documents I was missing, send them to Austria, and await the decision about my permit. If it is the case that my permit is granted, I would have to come back to Austria to pick it up...but if I have already exhausted my 90 days within this 6 month period...I cannot just enter Austria to pick it up...I would have to apply for another visa, only after receiving word about my residence permit, which could then take another 3 months to process (potentially), and with that visa be able to enter Austria just to pick up my permit that validates my residence there for a year. COMPLICATED. 

THANK GOD...in the middle of all this stress and disappointment, Hana had her "thinking cap" on and figured out that since the 90 days don't have to be consecutive, the sooner I leave Austria, the more days I have left in the 90 days and with those days left, after receiving word that I have a residence permit waiting for me in Austria to pick up, I can use those extra days to re-enter Austria just to pick up the permit. 

So...Saturday, 2 days before my three month mark, I flew from Vienna to London, then from London to Chicago (with an amazing, SUPRISE upgrade to business class...complete with a chair that becomes a bed, champagne as soon as you board the plane, noise cancelling headphones, a menu from which to order your meal, a private tv to name just a few of the complementary amenities), and landed in Chicago just in time to catch the drunken leftovers of a Chicago St. Patrick's day. IM HOME. 

1st hop: Chicago

I am staying with Sadie--dearest cousin and bestie that agreed to share her bed with her homeless missionary cousin. 

I am busy on the phone with Wisconsin State departments, Austrian Consulates, etc. trying to get all the paperwork done to complete my application for my residence permit correctly this time (even though I thought it was complete three months ago...thank you Austria). 

I will be here for a week or so...as long as it takes me to complete everything. 

And then I will bid the midwest "aufwiedersehen" 

and catch a flight to Brooklyn.

2nd hop: Brooklyn

I will await the decision of the Austrian Magistrat regarding my residence permit while living and working in the Heart's Home in Brooklyn. 

I am hoping it wont be more than a month that I have to wait. I have a flight already booked back to Austria on April 20th just in time for Easter celebrations. 

3rd hop: Vienna (cross your fingers and pray hard)

Ok, yes I know that my residence permit could be denied...but all I can do (and I ask you to do) is pray that God makes possible all that He wants for me. And if that be living in Vienna and continuing my mission there...I will be heading back to Vienna with two days left in my 90 days to sweet talk the boarder control guards, convincing them not to be suspicious that I am trying to enter Austria as a tourist with only two days left to be there legally, and then to go straight to the Magistrat to pick up my residence permit and legally reside in Austria for 12 months. 

So thats the deal.

What is pretty cool is that when I booked my ticket I just randomly picked April 20th as my return date...and Expedia calculated it and told me that the time I would be spending in the US would be 40 nights. 

Im going into the desert with Jesus. 

Last night in St. Michael's Catholic Church in Old Town Chicago (my new fav in the city!), the priest gave an amazing homily and I wanted to share the golden points with you:

Welcome to the Desert

Christ, filled with, lead by, driven by the Holy Spirit

entered the desert 

not to eat or drink for 40 days and nights

and then in the end 

to be tempted by the Devil in three ways. 

Isaiah says that we must go into the desert because it is there that the Lord will speak to the heart...but not without the temptations of the Devil to not listen to what God is trying to say to us. 

Christ went into the desert after His baptism to be intimately with the Father and the Holy Spirit and to figure out who He is, what He is doing and what His future and mission is. For these reasons, searching for the answers to these questions He fasted. To purify Himself. To empty Himself in order to listen and discover. 

3 questions are integral in this self-discovery--which is really a discovery that comes solely from opening yourself up to the Lord speaking to your heart. 

1.What will satisfy this hunger I experience?

2. Does God love me?

3. If I seek control and power in my daily life and in my goals and dreams, why am I seeking this control and power? What will I do with this control and power?

After the 40 days of fasting, Christ was then tempted by the Devil in three ways, all grounded in the statement: "If you are the Son of God", all grounded in the answer to the question-Who am I? The three temptations correspond to the three questions integral to the self-discovery...integral to Christ answering the questions tied up in living the human experience of discovering who He really is. 

1. "If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread." 

(what will satisfy this hunger? something material that I can provide for myself, something that I have to worry about and strive in any way I can in order to obtain? or the Word of God (commandments, truth, etc)?)

2. "If You are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: He will command his angels concerning you and with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.

(Does God love me? Can He prove it? Where is He right now? Will He help me in this?)

3. "All these I shall give to you (all the kingdoms of the world), if you will prostrate yourself and worship me." 

(How much do I want control and power? Do I want it to serve myself or to serve God?)

GO TO THE DESERT:

we are faced with these questions (all as parts of the one question of who we really are) in the beginning of this time in the desert in order to have confidence, despite our weakness, throughout. 

We must go into the desert to let God speak to our hearts and to figure out who we really are. 

Then in response to these questions that we are asking in these 40 days we must look at our answers...for those answers will either be our success or demise when facing the very real temptations that await us. 

Simply, the answers to these questions that you find in your time in the desert answer the fundamental question: WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR LIFE IN EVERY LITTLE THING YOU DO?

we all need time to step back. to ask who we are. what we are doing. 

to reevaluate a little bit. to take accounts. 

to be intimate with the Holy Spirit and to be purified and re-organize our life and our focus a little better.

........this is to beautiful and too difficult for a title.

i have two stories to tell you...one happened a while ago...and one happened just today. 

two weeks ago I was killing time, an hour to be exact, before a friend of ours came to the new apartment (which we were not yet living in) to deliver some furniture. There had been a confusion in the time we were supposed to meet and for once in my life I was the one early to something. So with an hour to kill and still rather sleepy and so cold, I decided to go visit a good friend of mine. I wasn't sure if she would be where I usually see her, so walking down the sidewalk freezing cold but enjoying the first sunny day we have had in a long time, I was silently praying that I could spend this extra hour God had given me with my friend. As soon as I saw her my feet started moving a little faster and my heart started beating a little faster and a smile spread across my face because I was so excited that I was going to have coffee (oh yes, I now cannot get through a morning without coffee and I hadn't had my usual cup that morning) with my friend and get to catch up with her. Then, right there on the sidewalk of Taborstrasse (one of the main streets in the second district) I bent down, greeted Sidonia with a kiss on each cheek, and plopped down on the sidewalk next to her. I had two coffees in my hand, and an hour to spend catching up with Sidonia, a mother of three from Romania who begs on the sidewalk in front of the Anker cafe everyday except Saturday and Sunday just so she can feed her three boys, and hopefully have some leftover money to buy medicine for her youngest son who has been sick for two months. 

Our conversation was per usual...she cant really speak much deutsch...and I cannot speak Romanian...so we get by with mixes of languages, many hand gestures, and even drawing pictures. I cannot tell you how different this day was for me though. For the first time, I felt in my heart and soul the presence of a true friendship with this strong and deeply beautiful woman. The racing in my heart I get, the excitement I feel when I get to have coffee or lunch with a friend and cannot wait to sit down and catch up...that I felt as soon as I saw that Sidonia was indeed in her usual spot and we were going to have an hour to spend together in the warm sunshine of that Friday morning. 

Yes, I bought her a coffee too...which is not a normal occurrence and in fact I wasn't sure if it was something I was 'supposed' to do...but it just made the experience so much better. Whether I was in a coffeeshop with Sarah Boettcher, or on the sidewalk of Taborstrasse with Sidonia...I was having coffee with a friend. 

Flash forward to today......

I spent the entire morning-from 10 till 2:30-in the magistrate office because my three months to be here without a visa (waiting for my residence permit to go through) are up next week. I went to check on my papers. BAD NEWS...I NEED PRAYERS. The people in the USA gave me the wrong application, thus I have to fill out a new application and need three more different papers to be sent from the America as well. Then when all those are recived by the office and they take their time to make sure everything is in order, they then have to send all the information to another office and I must wait for the final decision from this second office as to whether or not I can have a residence permit. Guess what that means...I have to leave Austria (and in fact all the Schengen countries aka the EU or so) by the 14th....and I have to leave for THREE MONTHS before I can come back, or until they grant me a residence permit. To my embarrassment I left the office crying. I am completely humbled by how much the Lord must love me to send me all these trials in which I can in turn prove my love. To bad I am so unfaithful of a servant. I just breakdown and cry haha. Well, so thats why I need prayers. and of course I will keep you updated. I dont know what is the next step for me, especially in Heart's Home...am I to go to another land? only for three months and then come back to Vienna or to finish my time of mission? or go to USA and wait it out? so many questions....so many reservations, fears, etc. So much of myself trying to say, "Ok God, whatever you want. I won't worry." but that is difficult...thus I expect all of you to be sending your prayers my way :) 

But this story becomes beautiful...

I forgot my key to the apartment after the magistrat, so I decided to go to see if Sidonia was in her spot today. And once again, with the sun shining I plopped down next to her, gave her two big kisses on each cheek and unfortunately left a trace of tears where my cheek brushed against hers. Her eyes did all the asking..."Why are you crying." I pretended it was the wind and asked her how her day has been. She immediately began to tell me how she has to go back to Romania on the 28th of March and she can't come back for another 3 or 4 months. She is so sad and not sure how she is going to take care of her boys. She made no money today and has nothing to feed them tonight. We then talked about her sons, the youngest one is getting better and better everyday. I asked her about her husband...she said that when the youngest who is now around a year old, was only two months, her husband left her for another woman. Compassion flooded my heart and eyes and she smiled and said its ok. She didn't cry, but I just reached out to hold her hand (which was much warmer than mine and that surprised her haha). Then I told her that I must go away too. That I have to go back to my homeland and cannot come back for another 3 months or so...and being not a strong as her, tears filled my eyes and I found myself crying on the side of the street with the only friend I could find in Vienna to talk to. She squeezed my hand, and then took both of her hands around my face and kissed my forehead, and then hugged me. She said everything would be fine, I smiled and said yes, and pointed up to the sky. Then with her eyes sparkling and a smile crossing her face she said, you must come tonight to my house and play with my boys. We are going on retreat tonight and for the weekend in Bratislava so I had to turn down the invitation...but I said I would come to visit her at 2 on Monday to tell her when I would be leaving and to give her the picture of Alina and I that she requested to have before she goes back to Romania. She said simply..."Ich bin deine mutter, bruder, ja. ich vergesse dich nicht." We are friends, we are family. And I will miss her. I will miss Vienna. I am scared of what is next. 

Upon coming back to the apartment I read this quote...Faith is not meant to be a comfort blanket.… It is a strenuous call to engage all we are with the Father of Jesus. ~Sister Wendy on Prayer by Sister Wendy Beckett

i think thats enough for today. time to go on retreat. 

ill pray for you. please pray for me. 

Mutter Theresa

           We are in search of an apostolate. Normally in the Heart's Homes, the missionaries have one fixed place where they go once a week to visit/help/etc.; a place like a hospital, an old folks home, an orphanage, a specialized clinic for AIDS or Cancer. So we are in search of where exactly God wants us every week in Vienna. 

          The week before Fr. Jacques arrived, Alina and I went to the Soup Kitchen of the Missionaries of Charity in Vienna (Mother Theresa's order). We arrived a little late because we got lost and thus were swept right into serving food, clearing plates, refilling plates and water glasses, cleaning dishes, and handing out bread. I do not have a lot of experience in soup kitchens and homeless shelters, but enough to know the basics of what to expect and the respect for people you should naturally have as well as the boundaries you should maintain. Yet, I cannot describe to you the feeling I experienced when I walked from the kitchen into the dining room and in an instant my heart was torn in two--half was jumping out to embrace all these people I saw, hungry for soup and bread, salad and tea, but also for dignity and love--the other half was jumping deep down inside of me, digging a hole, looking for protection because the majority of the people in the room were men, and for some reason, as soon as Alina and I walked in, the stares and leers cast our way were handicapping. It definitely has something to do with the fact that we were the only young girls there, that we were not wearing nun habits, and we were showered and taken care of. But as I went around the tables to clear plates, ask if they wanted seconds, take their bread baskets to bring them more bread, I could feel myself being reduced to an object, not by all of the people there, but by a select few that particularly made sure they made my acquaintance. It is handicapping to desire so much to give love to people-to simply sit down, look someone in the eye and ask how they are doing today, what their name is, if they would like something more to eat-and yet to have this fear that arises inside of you and takes great effort to overcome in order to merely look them in the eye, to smile at them and hope that in doing so you will not provoke anything that violates you or makes you feel more vulnerable that you already are. 

Naturally, there were a couple things that didn't catch me off guard was the group of older men in the back corner who kept asking for more bread just so they could keep asking me questions like: "Are you married?" To which I replied, "No." "Are you engaged?" To which I replied, "Yes, I'm engaged to Christ." (not really true but close enough for my time here in Vienna) Then he asked, "Do you have kids?" To which I just started laughing and had to walk away. I don't think he understood who exactly Christ is. 

There was also another man who asked me what I was doing after dinner because he wanted to go somewhere to practice his english with me. I sat down and said, "We don't have to wait, we can practice here. I'll start. How are you?" He just looked at me really confused, and then asked "So we go somewhere together after?" 

When everyone was finished eating I went into the other room to start collecting trash and breaking down all the cardboard boxes...a happy reprieve from the stares. It was there that I got to know Katarina and Sebastian--they are a brother and sister from Kosovo. Katarina is married to an Austrian and has two sons--Michael who is 12 and Alexander who is 8. Her brother, Sebastian, is visiting to look for work in Vienna. We spent about 45 minutes getting to know one another while Sebastian helped me break down the boxes. Katarina told me I am not allowed to come help at the Mutter Theresa house again without calling her and telling her I would be there and then coming to her house for coffee after serving the dinner. :)

My favorite part didn't involve me that afternoon though. When I went to find Alina, the name she was talking to was just leaving. She looked at me holding out a red book with the picture of Padre Pio on the cover. "Look! He gave me a prayer book of Padre Pio! And is smells like vodka!" She smiled, we laughed, and we got our things to leave. 

You know what is cool...she reads that book everyday, and prays for that man. 

...

       Later at the apartment, the three of us were sitting in the kitchen talking about the day and we were unloading all our questions, worries, experiences onto Mutti Monika about our afternoon with the Missionaries of Charity. And she told us this story...

she used to live close to this house of the Missionaries of Charity, so once in a while she would go to their chapel for adoration and mass. The friends from the street would always be invited to mass on Sunday with the sisters, and it happened to be on a Sunday that Monika was there. When everyone got up to go to communion, the homeless man sitting next to her didn't get up to go to communion so Monika asked him, "You aren't going to communion?" And he lifted his open palms to examine them, and then showed them to Monika and simply answered, "No, my hands are dirty."

our mission

the other week 

Alina and Monika and I were up late sitting in Monika's kitchen talking about life and mission as usual, when Monika very simply and beautifully summed up our mission. 

"Ich bin da"

I am here

That is what people need to hear from another person. 

They need to know that they are not alone. 

chuck norris

one night Monika and I went to KHG for mass, adoration, and then a violin concert.

turned out that there was no violin concert, so Pietro, Roberta, and Judita invited us up to the boy's student apartment for their weekly dinner all together. 

the dinner was good, the company was excellent, 

but the best part was the conversation.

the table was full of about 15 students

some turkish, some italian, some german, some austrian, and me, an american. 

and all the sudden

all im hearing 

are Chuck Norris jokes

in German.

+     Chuck Norris isst nicht Honig. Er isst die Bienen.     +

+     Chuck Norris macht Zwiebeln weinen.     +

ridiculous

the associate : the lawyer

i have someone for you to pray for.

Monika called a lawyer two weeks ago 

because we need to gain official status through the city to become an association in Vienna and then be able to get money for the association from the city, get special discounts, special exemptions, tax deductions, etc. 

Monika wrote up all of the legal statues for the association (really a huge, long task), but she needed someone to make sure everything was correct legally. 

The funny thing is, she knows this lawyer from her little town in Steiermark because she sees him in Adoration in the church there. 

Anyways, the lawyer did all the work, and approved everything (even congratulated Monika on the fabulous work she did) and then when Monika asked how much it would cost, he said, "Is 200 euro too much?" Of course that is not too much considering all the work he did, all the people he had to call, all the extra research he had to do, etc. So Monika went ahead and explained what Points-Coeur is, how it runs completely off the donations of people sponsoring the volunteers, how we don't really have any reserve of money going into starting this new house in Vienna, and therefore she must ask Fr. Jacques about the 200euro. 

And in response, the lawyer simply says..

All I need are your prayers for me and my family. 

The work is free. 

miracle number one thousand two hundred and seventy-three.