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Marylouise McGraw

c/o Offenes Herz

Karmelitergasse 10

1020 Vienna, Austria 

was ist passiert?

so what exactly happened here??

poor alina...such a brave women! 

the week I had to leave...the electricians the Archdiocese hired to redo all the electrical in our apartment came to begin their work. The apartment was barely livable for a week, and then livable, but a dusty catastrophe for the next several weeks. 

here you can see what exactly that entailed!

die kapella...where we had already finished repainting the room....and which now we must completely redo. haha. 

Jeremy is a Parisian student in Vienna doing his Erasmus semester (a study abroad within Europe). Every Saturday for three weeks he spent the whole day at the apartment with Fr. Jacques and Alina and friends, sometimes just Fr. Jacques and Alina, sometimes just Alina and friends....either way, all that has been done thus far since the electricity was replaced couldn't have been done without him!!

taking a break for lunch in the living-room-in-progress, with Fr. Jacques and two friends he brought with him

glad to see the special paint we bought to stick to the walls really did its job....not. 

Philippine--a french artist now living in Vienna for over a year has become a dear friend of the community through, of course, our 'Mutti' Monika. Hopefully, Monika and Phillippine will be soon sharing the apartment two floors above us, but for now, she is helping us get the painting done! 

Phillipine, Jeremy, and Alina

trying to find the right color

can you tell Philippine is an artist?

Alina as well! 

this is what Alina sent me to show me the finished living room walls...

but this is what it actually looks like now. 

in honor of the soon-to-be blessed...

Dear Young People....We will Destroy the Programme. 

John Paul II, The Great

oh please, try not to laugh. 

its absolutely impossible. 

another beginning

in 7 hours i return to Vienna

i await Monika and Alina to pick me up at the other end

I await the joys and struggles. i await the moments ahead

here we go again...

"Even when your faith is no bigger than a mustard seed you must strive to make it grow. Look upon these special blessings of today as My love, attentive to every detail of your life; and at every step of your way, you will find Me watching, going ahead of you. Have you ever gone anywhere that I have not been waiting for you? You often ask Me to take care of your precious belongings. But for Me, aren't you more previous than all?

Entrust yourself to Me constantly. And always give Me each moment as it passes. Isn't it better in My hands? Doesn't it say in the gospel, 'He laid His hands on them and healed them.' I'll take out of this present moment of yours whatever clings too much to the earth--the selfishness that sullies your intentions. 

Always trust. Trust more and more-even to the point of expecting a miracle. Don't stop half way or you will set limits to My love. When you have unfolded your confidence you will unfold it still more without every being able to exceed what I expect of you. 

Always count on Me, never on yourself. And you will advance; you will soar with sings like the eagle, My very little girl."

-"He and I" ... Gabrielle Bossis' dialogue with the 'Voice' 

lily

had the overwhelming blessing to visit a dear friend of my family's, 

role model, 

philosopher, 

and woman extraordinnaire 

Alice von Hildebrand 

I have been a passionate student of her husband's work 

and in fact it is quite ironic that I am working for Heart's Home in Vienna considering that Dietrich lived there for many years writing against Hitler until he fled for his life (he was the first on the list to arrest, right after the government in Vienna) and Vienna has always held a special place in his heart. 

My grandmother and Dr. Lily were very close friends and by their relationship I have been able to keep a friendship of my own with her. But today was the first time I had seen her in person in about 10 years! Fr. Gonzague and I drove up from Brooklyn to spend a couple hours with her which were altogether calming and passionately inspiring. I cannot tell you how beautiful, strong, truly feminine this woman is--how she makes you feel honored to be a woman, and instills in you sincere and deep respect for men. 

I could go on and on about this woman. I was speechless the entire car ride home. I had a lot to think about because she was the one talking for the majority of the two hours, but when she speaks with such love and firmness you are calmed but so convicted, as if you are assured of the truth in her every word. I can only think to equate it to a serenity that comes with truth conveyed through love. 

Anyways, please keep her work and her health in your prayers 

And I just wanted to share a couple of treasures from our conversation that I cannot get out of my mind. 

+

Telling of the first spark of her husband's conversion to Catholicism:

Max Scheler and my husband were sitting at coffee when Max firmly stated that the Catholic Church contains the Truth. Of course, my husband asked how he could know and why he would make such a bold definite statement. Scheler responded, 'Because it produces saints.'"

+

The greatest apostolate is to radiate joy and peace. You do not need to preach, in fact there is such a thing as bad preaching. You should only preach in those moments when the Holy Spirit leads you to. Otherwise you must constantly be focused on radiating joy and peace. Then everyone will want to know your secret. 

selling themselves

         When staying with Monika, we were a 10-15 minute walk from Prater. I saw them. My heart broke at the sad reality that no matter where you go in the civilized world, those buildings with their tinted windows and provocative signs can be found. Walking to and from the Prater u-bahn I often preferred to walk on the other side of the street rather than have to walk past the door of the place of so much suffering. In the first few weeks I became aware that the 2nd district, especially in the vicinity of Prater, was the place "gentlemen" go for their lustful kicks, women reduced to pleasure-fulfilling trash go for the money or for their own lustful kicks, and I pass through on my way to the U-bahn, as if I needed a reminded of the need of prayer. 

         It was always in the back of my head...I wonder if this is a huge issue here? I wonder if their are any prostitutes? I wonder how many people frequent these places? I wonder how many people the Lord is asking me to pray for? Is that the only way I can help bring light here?

         It became a special personal intercession of mine-bringing those who frequent and work in the "gentlemen's clubs" everyday. 

         Sitting in a cafe in Chicago, waiting for my meeting at the consulate and researching Vienna, where we can go, where we can help...the kind of research that was often too time consuming to do when I was in Vienna because of the language barrier. I researched where the orphanages were, the migrant neighborhoods, the largest hospitals or those with the reputations of providing the worst care, the homeless shelters, etc. I was also researching art and culture, trying to learn more about the modern art in the city, the gallery openings, what factors into the artistic identity of Vienna, and thus the identity of its people. I was reading an english, Vienna newspaper called the Vienna Review, when I came upon an article entitled "In the Shadows" (read it here). When I got to the last line, there were tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, questions in my mind. 

via The Vienna Review . Photo: David Reali
Caption: To women working on Messerstrasse in the 2nd District, waiting to serve clients in the bitter cold of January. At present, there are 2,374 registered prostitutes in Vienna.

prostitution is legal in Austria

and we live in what would informally be considered the "red-light" district

           Am I just a naive American who thought this was a ridiculous reality to discover? Well in fact, yes, I am. The next time I talked to Alina of my discovery, she merely said, "Yeah, thats too bad, right." Not that she doesn't have compassion for those people or that she thinks it is ok...its just that the complete legality of the entire system is a normal reality in most countries throughout the world. The U.S. is in the minority (even with its legal strip clubs, Nevada's legal brothels, not to mention entire networks of illegal street prostitution, escort services, "massage parlors" etc....I mean...who hasn't seen Pretty Woman?).

Seen as a necessary evil that must be tolerated, but regulated by the state, prostitution is legal as long as certain restrictions are maintained. Prostitute must register, undergo weekly medical checkups, pay taxes as self-employed workers, and perform under other state restrictions like where and when prostitution may occur. 

Street prostitutes who are active in this kind of – labeled by the Austrian legislature – “immoral” business, must abide to certain rules. These rules involve specific working hours and working places. During cold winter days, the work of street prostitutes is confined to eight hours a day, starting at 8pm in the evening and ending at 4am in the morning. During warm and light summer nights, working hours start at around one hour later, when daylight has disappeared. (The Vienna Review)

 Currently there are 2,374 registered prostitutes in Vienna, but the mere legalization of prostitution doesn't solve the crime and health issues.

Vienna is referred to as the “Hochburg” or hot spot for legal and illegal prostitution. Even though legal official numbers speak of nearly 3,000 registered sex workers, NGO estimates go as high as 8,000 nationwide.

The majority of legal prostitutes, 78% (and surely the majority, if not all of the illegal prostitutes) are foreigners migrating from the Eastern European countries and from Nigeria and Sub-Saharan Africa.

The Austrian government seems to be relatively on-top of the crime and health issues...which of course will never be perfect...it is a government. But what about the issues of the inherent dignity of the human person. You can treat the flesh, and the "freedom" of the flesh, but that doesn't mean you are caring for and helping the person, the true freedom of the soul. 

just read the story of "Clara" in the article from the Vienna Review (through the link above...or excerpts below)

“Das ist meine scheisse Arbeit, Entschuldigung!” This is my shitty job, I’m sorry, she tells us. Clara is neither happy nor proud of where she is in life right now. In fact, she despises her job more than anything else, but it is the only way she can provide for her family. As a waitress, she would make €40 a day. Here she can make twice as much in one hour, justification enough. “Aber besser trinken Alkohol und schlafen, dann ist alles ok,” It’s better to drink alcohol and sleep, then everything is ok. 

Large amounts of vodka enable her to cope with the bitter cold and the awful work. As we talked, the barriers slowly broke down; as things gradually became more personal, she began to cry. “I hate this work,” she said. “I hate the winters. Why do I have to do this? God forgive me, for I am a whore. This is who I am and what I do. I’m sorry.” Her tears flowed over her cheeks and ruining the several layers of make-up covering her face.  

As things stood, Clara didn’t see any way out of her misery, nor, she said, do any of the others. There are several institutions and organizations, such as Women’s Health Vienna (Frauengesundheit Wien) that try to help sex workers by educating them about health risks and offering regular check-ups. She spent Christmas at home in Romania, in order to return to her “principessa” and forget about her life in Vienna – at least for a few days.…(Vienna Review).

I was sent to Vienna with my faith and trust in God, to become a friend, to give love and peace, to give light, simply by being open and available, by living my faith in the midst of it all. Sometimes the "all" entails things I cannot live directly in the midst of physically, but only by being united to the reality in prayer, bringing those hearts that I don't personally known, laying them before the Eucharist alongside my own. I do not understand their situations or their pain (not only those of the working men and women, but also their customers). They are there and you can go to the street and try to talk to them, as the two women did for the Vienna Review article, but I don't want to just talk to them once to satiate curiosity or gain information, I want to offer them friendship, offer them someone genuinely interested in their well-being. In taking their time, you keep them from earning the money for which they have become trapped in this lifestyle in the first place, so how on earth do you form a friendship in the first place? I know sometimes I will be called to things outside of my comfort zone, merely because I ask for the grace to die to myself in order to live as Christ directs me, but never would I want to offend or cause discomfort to those already so pained and miserable. I don't understand their way of life, their languages, their needs, their sufferings--but my heart is so filled with compassion even glimpsing into their misery.

I was sent to Vienna not to start my own "save the world" projects or to fix every sad thing in the place which I now call home. I can't do these things. But I can entrust these realities and individuals I come across to God. Only He knows why he made this so present in our lives in Vienna--whether it be to lead us to somehow reach out with a loving and friendly hand to them, or merely (and just as important) bring them to prayer everyday with us.

I ask you to join me in praying for all those who suffer both exteriorly by the cold, defilement, abuse, and inwardly by the lascivious looks and gestures robbing them of their dignity and respect deserved, by the lack of true care, love, and affection, by the lack of freedom.

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, redeemed; never throw out anyone."-Audrey Hepburn

They are treated as things that with a price must deliver pleasure on demand, being coerced into this life or submitting themselves to this life merely for the sake of acquiring the means necessary to provide for themselves, their families, their survival. I want them to be treated as persons, loved and cared for...restored, renewed, revived, reclaiming their own dignity, their own ability to be treated with love and respect and not face not being able to care for themselves or their families. Of course, the redeeming is up to God. I can only love, and desire to give more love however God wants me to.

St. Mary Magdelene,

who, reviled by all others at table, 

with tears to fall and cleanse 

humbly sought true love and worth

at the feet of Love, Himself;

who, beside the Mother Immaculate, 

with tears to replace screams

 clung to Love's bleeding feet

as He died to show His love, her worth, 

pray for us. 

chickens

the french people living at the Heart's Home in Brooklyn have excellent english considering how long the majority of them have lived here. yet sometimes the language barrier makes for some really funny moments. 

today I used the phrase: "running around like a chicken with its head cut off", then I realized that maybe Sister Regine didn't know what that meant, so I asked her if she had heard that expression before. 

She responded, "No, but you don't have to explain it. I'm pretty sure I know what you mean. Its happened at my house before. A chicken escaped after we cut off it's head and it really did run around like crazy for a few moments before it finally died."

I wonder how many Americans use this expression without ever having seen a chicken in the last moments of its life after its head has been cut off. oh Lordy...the French. 

want to be interested

alot of the time I feel dumber when I leave a movie theater. 

so I want to suggest films to you that move me, make me learn things, push the envelope on comfort, make me question and wonder. 

several nights ago I watched a movie with the Heart's Home community called...

OSTROV

which means 'Island' in Russian.

yes, it is a subtitle movie.

but I totally recommend it. 

so give it a try

or if you want to give a german movie a try, that is worth the viewing merely for the SOUNDTRACK ALONE...

I recommend

ERBSEN AUF HALB 6

(it means...Peas at 5:30)

little treasures from a little sister

wanting to love is not enough. be one with the other. to share their destiny. to let contact with them enrich you. give up the notion that you must always have something to give. Christ is the leaven. it must keep its strength when mixing, kneading into the dough. be more cunning than the serpent by being filled with Christ. become involved. become one. and become more deeply by being utmost rooted in Christ. in the faith that upholds you and gives you strength. 

"You have only One Model: Jesus. Do not look for another. Like Jesus during his life on earth, make yourself all things to all people: an Arab in the midst of Arabs, a nomad among nomads, a worker among working people, but above all be human among your brothers and sisters. Do not think that living among people will hinder your life of union with God. Do not set up barriers between the world and yourself...

Immerse yourself deeply among people by sharing their life, by friendship and by love. Give yourself to them completely, like Jesus who came to serve and not to be served; you, too, become one with them. Then you will be like leaven which must lost itself in the dough to make it rise."

-Little Sister Magdeleine of Jesus  

meditation from Cenacolo

"All of us have seeds of hope. We desire a better future, healing, peace, and serenity. We daily experience the reality that true hope is not only something, but someone. Revealing His face through His Son, God the Father came to meet us, and it is in His Son that our hope takes root, in Jesus, born in Bethlehem-two thousand years ago. He died and rose for us and tells us that death does not have the final word. He is the hope to proclaim, to shout, and to cry to everyone. The biggest sickness in our world is sadness, indifference, and loneliness. Like parched land waiting for water, so the world is waiting for those who will proclaim this hope. God has freely chosen us to proclaim this HOPE. He has given us the strength to follow Him and has put in our hearts the desire to embrace this wounded humanity. In receiving mankind, the living hope in us must become love in gestures, in works, and in life. Jesus is telling us to give life, to give ourselves, not only a part of us or a few hours of work. If we do not give our life, spend our life for others, it will vanish from our hands. We want to be a living and active Church, those who love humanity. In order to serve Christ in his members, in the poor, we must be in love with God, madly in love with Him! The vigor comes from this 'being in love' with God more than any person, more than the husband, the wife, the children, the family. These are all gifts from God and become even more precious the more we respond to God with our heart and gaze upon Him. The poor man, whatever garment he is wearing, is always Jesus Christ with open wounds, with blood flowing on humanity. He is there in the sick and desperate man. So then you, who are living HOPE are called to receive Him and smile at Him. You are called to get your faith moving and your love walking in the world. The Father is calling us to work together and to make this hope, who is the Risen Christ, grow in the midst of wounded humanity, that is watching to find the light again. We ask the Child Jesus to grant us the gift to contemplate Him, His face, and His heart, to contemplate Him who is the eyes and the face of everyone we meet daily. May He give us a poor, free, good heart, simple like His, because then whomever we meet will see Him shining through us."

Mother Elvira Petrozzi--founder of Cenacolo