And when I say everyone, I mean everyone...Aberu and Christa with the baby were also playing Duck, Duck, Goose and the other games! To see Aberu act out a frog in animal charades was hilarious! But it really taught me how wrapped up in being older and responsible and 'adultlike' we can get and forget that it is even possible to get on the ground and play these games with the kids...and get as much enjoyment out of them as the kids are! Yes, its a little easier for me in my 20's to spend hours playing with the children, being interested in all they are interested in and forming friendships with them, but it was so remarkable to me to see Aberu and Christa play with us without question or hesitation...of course they wanted to be included in the games!!
Aberu is a beautiful woman and it was so touching to see her take such delight in really being WITH her kids, with us playing with her kids...taking part, watching, laughing, relaxing, and being present as a mother who for a minute had no cares in the world except the delight of her children and this afternoon of making new friends, living these moments of joy with them and with us. For her, it was not an escape...she did not say, "Ok kids, go in the other room and play while the grown-ups talk in here." Once we got acquainted, we found ourselves seeking out the children to partake in the fun they were having...Maybe the games were food for the children's souls, but the playing and laughing with the children and being drowned in their joy was as much nourishment for our souls, especially Aberu's.
Aberu and her husband moved from Eritria in 1999 during the war in which Eritria fought for its independence from the Ethiopian state. Her being Eritrian and him Ethiopian, they couldn't find refuge in either state. Most of her family was killed in the war and she moved to Austria with only her husband and no other family or support around her. She is alone her in the city, Christa being one of her only friends. At first she was working by cleaning houses for families in the city center, but now with four children and no money for childcare and no family to help her out watching the children so she can go work, she finds herself unable to work. Her relationship with her husband is aweful--he works most of the time and still stays out of the house when he is not at work, then when he gets home late there is always fighting and abuse. She desires so much that he leave her, but at the same time, he pays the rent, so if he leaves, she must make up the rent for their apartment. She is currently on money from the government for being without work, but she only has this money for herself for the next 4 months...once that time passes, she will then only be on the money that the government gives to support the children...500 euro per month...which isn't enough for a family of 4 who live in Vienna, go to school, etc. She has four months to figure out what to do. She tells us all this with pain in her eyes, and stress creeping into her voice. But mingled with the pain, you can see the hope that glimmers...she doesn't break down, dwell on the situation and talk for hours, although that would be totally understandable and we would listen and love her just the same. But no...she describes her situation and moves on not because she wants to forget about it and not talk about it but because she is not given up to despair, the darkness of her situation has not won, nor will it win. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. I tell you this only to put this woman, and all that I told you above about our playing and laughing and all that our visit entailed, in perspective. I hope you can see better the faith and hope she exemplifies. She is truly a remarkable woman, standing strong in the strength God gives her to live moment to moment. She knows she has four beautiful boys to live for. She knows she has something to hope in. There is a delight and joy that she exudes and that completely amazes me. It is merely this presence of joy that shows her bravery. And shows me an example of what it means to live in the moment, to be truly surrendered to the will of God. God have us to her as guests, so she gave us everything she had--all the food, time, talk, energy--not counting to see what she had left for herself but knowing the Lord would provide the food that she gives away, the time she spends just playing and being with us rather than cleaning the house or doing other things she needs to get done, the strength that she needs to continue living in the moment with joy when we leave. She didn't take this time while her kids are occupied with playmates to sleep, to clean, or to do other things...she took this time to be with us...to be with her children. To be happy, not because she is escaping her everyday situation, but because she is truly engaging in it, living the life she is given at that moment with her entire self, leaving her worries to God whom she trusts with all she is and all she has.
We went to be a presence to her, but there is still so much we need to learn about truly being present. In the end, it was very clear that God sent us there to learn. In fact, as much as I want to say I am going to be here selflessly helping people and changing peoples lives for 14 months...really I have an inkling that while striving to do that, I'm going to be the one learning the most.
....Fr. Thierry, the founder of Heart's Home, already knew that though when he sent us here to open the new house. His other name for Heart's Home is "The Kindergarten of Love" ...
At the Kindergarten of Love
Third letter to the Missionaries from Rev. Fr. Thierry de Roucy
― April 1991 ―
Dear Missionaries,Most of you have decided
to start the journey
with Heart’s Home right after your studies.You knew almost everything
and many of your friends would boast to know as much.You learned about physics or mathematics,
philosophy or chemistry, literature or medicineand your diplomas mark the successful conclusion of so much science and reason.But as you arrived in your palaces,
you discovered soon that everything had to be learned.One can be very good at astrology or in strategy
and only be a kindergartener as far as the essential is concerned.One develops one’s brain,
ones muscles, one’s authority on others.Poor ones! One has forgotten to develop one’s heart.And in a being full of brain
or of muscles or of sensuality,our heart is lost and reduced to dust!Despite the thousands of governmental reforms,there is no PhD in Heart Science,no one who teaches about how to love one another.No wonder there are so many divorces,
that we kill each other and hate each other,
that we rob and lie to each other:for many of us love remains Morse code!Luckily your family or your friendsor the example of a priesthave taught you what is essential in life.vIn the plane your ribs were ready to break
because your heart was so full of the love for the poor
you were about to meet.Two days later...Your heart seems like dust
and its narrowness frightens you.And at night you might be
weeping over your misery...The others looked so nice
and now you can only see them as the incarnation of thousands of defects!The children looked so cute on the pictures
and now you find them sometimes more than tiring!And you thought that God was so close in this journey:
and now He seems to be miles away!And during meals...One argues and fights...One offends others and one gets on their nerves...One hurts others and one is aggressive towards them...One hardens and one turns sour...
― not always of course!
there are evenings full of joy as well! ―And sometimesone is not speaking for days,one is locked up in sulkiness,one tries to avoid others:
we are called to live in one another.“I don’t understand anything: I felt so strong,
but let’s hope the children won’t see anything!...”And sometimes,desperation takes placelike ivy would cling to the wall:
“Why did I come here?
If only I knew how to love!...
But I have nothing to bring here!
I can only be angry...
I have nothing to say!
“Listening is the first step towards love...”
That is just my luck: I keep talking the all day long!...
I have nothing to do!
“Doing is only secondary...”
What can I do?
I can’t stand doing nothing anymore.
Being! Listening! Adoring!
If only it would all be about doing, talking, being in the forefront!”No, my beloved, it is all about love!The soup is bitter, tomorrow it will be sweet.Do we need, for hours,
to explain our words,
to justify our behaviors,
to mistrust one another?No! Here is what you need to do:Kneel all around the kitchen tableand start to pray
like hungry childrenand to cry out:
“O my God, we don’t know how to love each other!”This is one thing you all have in common!There is no doubt that this declaration of your lack of love,this humble and brutal declaration
makes Love melt...And soon hearts are filled with joy,and you don’t understand anymore why you were arguingand you will tell each other:
”How stupid we were!
Why lose so much time in being nasty to one another?
Do the little ones need our stupidities?”prayer brings peace to the hearts.
“I give you peace, my peace I give you.” (Jn 14:27)
“He breathed on them and said:
“Peace be with you.”” (Jn 20:21-22)Doesn’t praying mean to put ourselves
together under God’s breath?prayer nourishes the heartsYou ask: “Why pray?”I answer: “Why eat?”Isn’t skipping prayer as dangerous for your life as anorexia?prayer makes you humble of heartIt brings you to your knees in front of the little ones
and makes you wash their feet.Jesus’ example is so beautiful!I am haunted by this scene of
the Last Supperwhich stirred up humanity.I wrote for last year’s Holy Thursday:
“If the Syrians would wash the feet of the Lebanese
and the Lebanese, the feet of the Syrians...
If the politicians would wash the feet of the citizens...
If this evening Mr Mitterand would wash the feet of his ministers,
and the ministers the ones of the State secretaries,
and the State secretaries the ones of the deputies...
If the parents, this evening and each daywould wash the feet of their children...If the teachers would wash the feet of their students...If the Chinese would wash the feet of the AmericansAnd the Americans, the feet of the Russians...If the owners of the huge farms in Brazilwould go down to the “favellas” and would wash the feet of the children in the streets...It would avoid all those expensive meetings of the UN, the FAO, Unesco and would be a thousand times more efficient!It would develop the quality of love in the world and the world would be so much more beautiful!And all those suggestions are not coming from me,they are Jesus’:
“If I therefore the master and teacher
have washed your feet,
you ought to wash one another’s feet.
I have given you a model to follow,
so that as I have done for you, you should also do.’ (Jn 13:14-15)It is too easy to say:
“Nothing will ever change.
There will always be murderers and victims.”
It is too easy to give up
And it is criminal as well!You have to stand up,
― which means for Jesus’ disciples
you have to kneel down―,You have to remain silent in washing the feet of all
― of the one who betrays us and of our friend ―and you will discover the following:since God has washed men’s feet,since Jesus has washed Judas’ feet,
nothing can change the world more
than a man who is washing his brother’s feet.”prayer unifies the hearts.Under the same roof are living together
black, white or oriental people,
you might be engineers or no good at anything
― as your teachers kept telling you ―,
you can be republicans or democrats,
you can be passionate or phlegmatic...What a beautiful diversity that
I hope will always be growing!May there be in Bethlehem
in the same crib, Christian Arabs and Jewish Christians...And in Bombay
in the same house, volunteers from all casts...And in Beirut...
Your differences are a huge advantage!prayer simplifies the hearts.You are a boy.You detect all the causes
and are looking for all the reasons.You are structuring an ideal Heart’s Home
with many laws and rules:
I only want the ones of love!You are a girl.You imagine thousands of insinuations
through knowing gazes and smiles.You load yourself down with many jealousies.You always think that you are forgotten
and this becomes your only worry.My beloved Brothers!
If only you would await the solution from God alone...My beloved Sisters!
If only you would look at God alone...So do you understand it now?Heart’s Home is not a code,nor a structure that enables young people who are looking for exotic adventure
to go abroad.It is a spirit,
a very simple life of prayer
in the very simple love of god.Heart’s Home is not founded in the skills and the know-how
but in humility and prayer.It is not a humanitarian work,
it is a work of salvation.It is a Community where you learn to love each other,
to love each other day after dayand to love each other to the end.It is a Community where you pray
so that difficulties come to nothing
that ambitions and fears be revealed.It is a Community where you accept
to show others your feet
that get dirty again and again.Poor men! We are all the same!It is a Community where you accept
to wash one another’s feet
in kneeling down in front of them!There is only one way to be elevated
and that is to go down!Beloved! Be patient:
you are not able to love at the evening
when you only started in the morning!...Don’t give up the first day
― how long did you need to be able to write,
to speak English
(and maybe years after you are still not able to speak English)?―Before being luminous stars,
the Heart’s Homes need first
to be humble reflections of the paschal candle.Don’t be surprised!It takes time until hearts are melted.It takes pain
― there is no love without suffering ―
until a Heart’s Home is united in one Heart.But it will be given to the ones
who are really longing for it.You never beg Love in vain for love.This is my inner conviction!vHeart’s home is a school of realism.You don’t dream about love.You express it in putting yourself on the cross.You write it with your blood and your tiredness.You say it kneeling down
with a towel and a basin of water.You don’t only dream about the ones you have to love.This Missionary,
you have to love him as he is,
maybe you will have to listen again and again
to the same confused language,
you will have to forgive again and again the same faults.You cannot escape or else you would escape from Love!There is no use thinking:
“If only Josephine would not be here,
we would be an ideal community,
our Heart’s Home would be a little paradise...
Josephine is our stumbling block,
is the obstacle to communion,
she is a permanent anti-testimony...”But I ask you:
Isn’t Josephine rather the corner stone?
Isn’t she rather a chance for the community?
Josephine locks herself, is closed and doesn’t say anything
because of you
and she feels rejected by all.
But if you would start to love her,
wouldn’t she become easier to love?
If you would listen to her to the end full of kindness,
wouldn’t you understand her better?
How easy it will be to love
the day you will be alone in the community,
once you will have put aside
all the faces that seem too far away from yours
or maybe too close!Let me tell you:
If, at first sight, a person seems most difficult to love,
you can be confident that
it is the beginning of a wonderful journey with him.
You can choose to climb a common hill.
You can choose to climb the Himalayas.
But at the top of the Himalayas the view will be so much greater!
The day you will be surrounded
only by old good friends,
people belonging to the same movement,
people that share the same tastes as yours
and are always flattering you,
you will feel as stupid as a climber in front of a molehill!I tell you again:
May God prevent you from pride
in putting a Josephine in each Heart’s Home.
By the way, this Josephine
is each one of us in turn.
I don’t trust easy love stories,
love stories that are built too quickly!vMay compassion be your mission!
Don’t say:
“It isn’t my wound!”May listening be your passion!
Don’t say:
”I am going to stop him! He told us enough stories!”May forgiveness be your consolation!
Don’t say:
“Tomorrow we will set the record straight. It is now!”May communion be your obsession!
In the street and everywhere beg for:
“Father may Josephine and I be one
as you Father and Him the Word are one!”
No other prayer!
No other obsession!
“It is at that sign...”
There is no other one.Each morning you are eating the same Body...Each evening you are looking at the same monstrance...
The Solution is here...
The Master is here...I was dreaming about a school of love.And now it exists.And we are all standing in front of the Rabbi sent by Abba, our Father,
we are all adults back
in Kindergarten...
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