Himmel

about a month ago I accompanied Monika to the hospital to visit one of the dearest little girls I have met in Vienna--"J". She is 11, has down syndrome and is an orphan living in an amazing and beautiful orphanage especially for handicapped children in the northwest of Vienna. J used to be a student of Monika's and now is in another teacher's class, but of course, Monika sees her often since the school is smaller and the teachers all closely connected. 

Her history-her parents' deaths, etc-isn't very pretty to the ears, but when you see her sweet face you have to see the beauty of it because it is from where this beautiful soul has come; what has helped form her into the dear, sarcastic, uberloving, prank-playing, stubborn, sassy, and endearingly-dramatic little girl that she is. 

My experience with handicapped children--less than minimal. So I was a little weary at first how it would go--she speaks German, she has down syndrome, etc.....what will this entail? how am I supposed to act? That day J gave me the greatest gift--a better understanding of what it is to be human and the depth and breadth of human need in the smallest of things. 

A little while after Monika and I arrived and J started warming up to the fact that I was a stranger, Monika left to see if we could take J downstairs to the lobby--a little vacation from the 24/7 TV watching and idleness of her shared hospital room--and to indulge in her favorite treat--iced tea. When Monika left she asked me to sit on the bed to take Monika's place and color with her. Talking and coloring soon lost her interest and tired as she was, she climbed under the covers and scooted all the way to one side of the bed and closed her eyes. As if she forgot something, she quickly opened her eyes back up, lifted up the covers, took my hand and pulled me toward the bed next to her--she wanted me to lay down with her. Is that normal? Is that allowed? I don't even know this little girl. Will the nurses get angry when they see I have my shoes on? Responding to my hesitation she patted the bed next to her as if she was calling a dog. She smiled, patted some more, nodded her head, patted some more...so I took off my shoes and layed down next to her. She wanted to make sure I had enough covers and that I was comfortable and after tucking me in she laid her head on my shoulder, looked up at me and stuck her thumb out at me. Not understanding this, I just smiled, but eager to seal this friendship she grabbed my hand, and then just my thumb, and touched the tips of our thumbs together. Smiled. And closed her eyes. Monika returned shortly after and J just waved her away saying "Geh" (Go) and sticking a thumbs up in my face and a thumbs down in her face, smiling, laughing, and then pretending to be back asleep. Monika and I just laughed. As Monika explained--in the school, friendship is a thumb thing. To officially become friends, you have to touch the tips of your thumbs together as if making a pact. To tell someone that you are friends, you give a thumbs up, to let someone know you don't want to be their friends, you give a thumbs down. And so the simplicity of children--you can change your mind at any time with a simple hand gesture :) So it was official--J and I were friends. And ya...of course Monika and J were still friends--that is J's sarcastic, playful side. She'll call you a "baby", an "Oma", an "Opa" or a "Monkey" to make fun of you. She'll wave her hand in front of her face and point at you saying "Du" to let you know that you're crazy. Then she'll instantly smile big, laugh at her own "joke" and hug you. She tickles you, hugs you, plays hide and go seek with you, and she loves to hide things and make you find them (unfortunately for me...one time it was my wallet and she doesn't give things back very reluctantly haha). 

I went to visit J three times while she spent a week in the hospital. Twice with Monika and once alone during the school day when the teachers were working and no one would be able to visit her. The day I went alone was the day she was returning back home, and boy was she happy!!! She didn't talk about anything else but that she was going to go home, and that she was going to see all of her friends. She loved playing with my ipod, so we took a couple videos :) So dear! 

 

(the better video won't upload...when I figure it out, ill post it)

What struck me most of all was the smallest of moments. Two nurses and a doctor came in--they needed to take a little blood and check out her ears (she was there because she had a really bad middle ear infection). They stood on either side of her and prepared the things, explaining every step to avoid the normal kid-fear reaction. She was so calm, no screaming, avoiding, squirming, yelling. I thought, wow....shes like an adult...she doesn't even need someone to hold her hand. As the moment got closer she looked up at me with the most unsettling eyes and held out her hand--pleading at the thought of being alone or not comforted and supported during the pain and fear of a shot. No, just like any other little one, she needed to squeeze someones hand. While beyond this instant her face and eyes showed no pain or fear--as calm and placid as could be, I knew of her fear and pain because she was holding my hand...aka my hand was numb at her tight grip haha. 

And I was thankful, because I could be there with her because, just like any other little child, she was scared at the sight of the needle, the pain of the prick. And she needed to squeeze someones hand as much as she felt fear and pain-the same thing my mom used to tell me :)

I was astounded because just like any other human she needed someones hand to hold, to know that she wasn't alone, to be with her in her pain (no matter how little, or quick that would be).

I wasn't a stranger...I was in a way someone she already trusted to be there with her. 

Today I had a meeting at the orphanage where she lives because after meeting this beautiful little girl both Alina and I were sure it was an answer to our prayers for an apostolate. Of course, everything in Austria has to be a little beurocratic and official and organized, so of course it is not so easy as just going somewhere, explaining our community and our mission in Vienna, and getting a visitors pass to go play with the kids, or visit the people who have no one to visit them, etc. So, I have to fill out some forms, make some "probe" visits (test visits) and see if it will work that we come to visit first J and then maybe other kids. Yet, it all takes time, but today was a beautiful and promising second step with the big guys at the orphanage--definitely an opening to cultivate a beautiful friendship and working relationship with them. And yet certainly not nearly as beautiful as the first step--J letting me, us, into her life and heart. 

July 1 ist my first opportunity to go there and visit and see J again! I'll let you know how it goes!