well sometime last week my camera decided to up and walk away.
That, or it was carried away by someone whom I don't know, which I much more likely considering that the last time I remember seeing it/having it was in the apartment. Needless to say....bummed beyond expression.
At the end of three days of searching, asking friends, and re-tracing my steps (aka. the day I decided to accept the fact that it was really gone), this "just happened" to be the gospel at mass, which as I was already bummed, annoyed me even more because it very blatantly reminded me that there is a reason for everything....that there was a greater question for me to raise, a harder question to answer, even than "where is my camera!!?"
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
where is my heart?
what do I treasure?
what are my grasping hands clinging to?
the robes of Christ as a child at his feet?
or my camera?
the lesson is not that I shouldn't have such a nice camera or that all those who really want to be holy should be ascetics and rid themselves of all material possession. the lesson is not that I should be so detached as to not care about my lost camera, not seek to find it again, and just accept the fact that it is gone. the lesson is not that I shouldn't want my camera, especially a nice, professional one as I had just a year ago invested in, and cling to it and make sure it is secure, and treasure it due to its value.
the lesson is...to take this moment to look at my camera, my other possessions, my love of photography, my other passions....and evaluate how they all weigh in in my life, to see how they have a grasp on my outlook, my choices, my attitudes and moods. For example: last week I received three separate e-mails from various people asking me to send pictures of our house and moments of our life here in Vienna for various newsletters, updates, etc. In a moment of impatience (oh...when will I ever learn patience) I commented to Alina something like this, "Ok, I give up...I don't want to take pictures anymore. I hate not being able to enjoy them and just having to edit, reformat, upload, and send them all over the internet to keep everyone happy." A.k.a. A moment of selfishness in which I didn't want the talent or joy the Lord has given me in photography to be a service to others, to our mission, to Him, to ourselves in progressing in virtue. I shouldn't store up treasures in my computer so that they can serve me and benefit me and bring me joy alone...they should be used to spread that service, benefit, and joy to others.
This little event has helped me to think about the way I use my camera, my gift and passion for photography and to what degree my possession possesses me. We are created to love...and everything we have, use, possess should be used to the purpose of love. Its not that we are called to deprive ourselves of everything of this world, all material possessions, all conveniences, but that we are called to focus on the higher things first...to treasure the eternal things infinitely greater than we treasure our earthly treasures--in this way, we will live in the truth...valuing everything according to its true value.
but, yeah...
bummer.
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