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Marylouise McGraw

c/o Offenes Herz

Karmelitergasse 10

1020 Vienna, Austria 

was ist passiert?

so what exactly happened here??

poor alina...such a brave women! 

the week I had to leave...the electricians the Archdiocese hired to redo all the electrical in our apartment came to begin their work. The apartment was barely livable for a week, and then livable, but a dusty catastrophe for the next several weeks. 

here you can see what exactly that entailed!

die kapella...where we had already finished repainting the room....and which now we must completely redo. haha. 

Jeremy is a Parisian student in Vienna doing his Erasmus semester (a study abroad within Europe). Every Saturday for three weeks he spent the whole day at the apartment with Fr. Jacques and Alina and friends, sometimes just Fr. Jacques and Alina, sometimes just Alina and friends....either way, all that has been done thus far since the electricity was replaced couldn't have been done without him!!

taking a break for lunch in the living-room-in-progress, with Fr. Jacques and two friends he brought with him

glad to see the special paint we bought to stick to the walls really did its job....not. 

Philippine--a french artist now living in Vienna for over a year has become a dear friend of the community through, of course, our 'Mutti' Monika. Hopefully, Monika and Phillippine will be soon sharing the apartment two floors above us, but for now, she is helping us get the painting done! 

Phillipine, Jeremy, and Alina

trying to find the right color

can you tell Philippine is an artist?

Alina as well! 

this is what Alina sent me to show me the finished living room walls...

but this is what it actually looks like now. 

in honor of the soon-to-be blessed...

Dear Young People....We will Destroy the Programme. 

John Paul II, The Great

oh please, try not to laugh. 

its absolutely impossible. 

another beginning

in 7 hours i return to Vienna

i await Monika and Alina to pick me up at the other end

I await the joys and struggles. i await the moments ahead

here we go again...

"Even when your faith is no bigger than a mustard seed you must strive to make it grow. Look upon these special blessings of today as My love, attentive to every detail of your life; and at every step of your way, you will find Me watching, going ahead of you. Have you ever gone anywhere that I have not been waiting for you? You often ask Me to take care of your precious belongings. But for Me, aren't you more previous than all?

Entrust yourself to Me constantly. And always give Me each moment as it passes. Isn't it better in My hands? Doesn't it say in the gospel, 'He laid His hands on them and healed them.' I'll take out of this present moment of yours whatever clings too much to the earth--the selfishness that sullies your intentions. 

Always trust. Trust more and more-even to the point of expecting a miracle. Don't stop half way or you will set limits to My love. When you have unfolded your confidence you will unfold it still more without every being able to exceed what I expect of you. 

Always count on Me, never on yourself. And you will advance; you will soar with sings like the eagle, My very little girl."

-"He and I" ... Gabrielle Bossis' dialogue with the 'Voice' 

lily

had the overwhelming blessing to visit a dear friend of my family's, 

role model, 

philosopher, 

and woman extraordinnaire 

Alice von Hildebrand 

I have been a passionate student of her husband's work 

and in fact it is quite ironic that I am working for Heart's Home in Vienna considering that Dietrich lived there for many years writing against Hitler until he fled for his life (he was the first on the list to arrest, right after the government in Vienna) and Vienna has always held a special place in his heart. 

My grandmother and Dr. Lily were very close friends and by their relationship I have been able to keep a friendship of my own with her. But today was the first time I had seen her in person in about 10 years! Fr. Gonzague and I drove up from Brooklyn to spend a couple hours with her which were altogether calming and passionately inspiring. I cannot tell you how beautiful, strong, truly feminine this woman is--how she makes you feel honored to be a woman, and instills in you sincere and deep respect for men. 

I could go on and on about this woman. I was speechless the entire car ride home. I had a lot to think about because she was the one talking for the majority of the two hours, but when she speaks with such love and firmness you are calmed but so convicted, as if you are assured of the truth in her every word. I can only think to equate it to a serenity that comes with truth conveyed through love. 

Anyways, please keep her work and her health in your prayers 

And I just wanted to share a couple of treasures from our conversation that I cannot get out of my mind. 

+

Telling of the first spark of her husband's conversion to Catholicism:

Max Scheler and my husband were sitting at coffee when Max firmly stated that the Catholic Church contains the Truth. Of course, my husband asked how he could know and why he would make such a bold definite statement. Scheler responded, 'Because it produces saints.'"

+

The greatest apostolate is to radiate joy and peace. You do not need to preach, in fact there is such a thing as bad preaching. You should only preach in those moments when the Holy Spirit leads you to. Otherwise you must constantly be focused on radiating joy and peace. Then everyone will want to know your secret. 

selling themselves

         When staying with Monika, we were a 10-15 minute walk from Prater. I saw them. My heart broke at the sad reality that no matter where you go in the civilized world, those buildings with their tinted windows and provocative signs can be found. Walking to and from the Prater u-bahn I often preferred to walk on the other side of the street rather than have to walk past the door of the place of so much suffering. In the first few weeks I became aware that the 2nd district, especially in the vicinity of Prater, was the place "gentlemen" go for their lustful kicks, women reduced to pleasure-fulfilling trash go for the money or for their own lustful kicks, and I pass through on my way to the U-bahn, as if I needed a reminded of the need of prayer. 

         It was always in the back of my head...I wonder if this is a huge issue here? I wonder if their are any prostitutes? I wonder how many people frequent these places? I wonder how many people the Lord is asking me to pray for? Is that the only way I can help bring light here?

         It became a special personal intercession of mine-bringing those who frequent and work in the "gentlemen's clubs" everyday. 

         Sitting in a cafe in Chicago, waiting for my meeting at the consulate and researching Vienna, where we can go, where we can help...the kind of research that was often too time consuming to do when I was in Vienna because of the language barrier. I researched where the orphanages were, the migrant neighborhoods, the largest hospitals or those with the reputations of providing the worst care, the homeless shelters, etc. I was also researching art and culture, trying to learn more about the modern art in the city, the gallery openings, what factors into the artistic identity of Vienna, and thus the identity of its people. I was reading an english, Vienna newspaper called the Vienna Review, when I came upon an article entitled "In the Shadows" (read it here). When I got to the last line, there were tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, questions in my mind. 

via The Vienna Review . Photo: David Reali
Caption: To women working on Messerstrasse in the 2nd District, waiting to serve clients in the bitter cold of January. At present, there are 2,374 registered prostitutes in Vienna.

prostitution is legal in Austria

and we live in what would informally be considered the "red-light" district

           Am I just a naive American who thought this was a ridiculous reality to discover? Well in fact, yes, I am. The next time I talked to Alina of my discovery, she merely said, "Yeah, thats too bad, right." Not that she doesn't have compassion for those people or that she thinks it is ok...its just that the complete legality of the entire system is a normal reality in most countries throughout the world. The U.S. is in the minority (even with its legal strip clubs, Nevada's legal brothels, not to mention entire networks of illegal street prostitution, escort services, "massage parlors" etc....I mean...who hasn't seen Pretty Woman?).

Seen as a necessary evil that must be tolerated, but regulated by the state, prostitution is legal as long as certain restrictions are maintained. Prostitute must register, undergo weekly medical checkups, pay taxes as self-employed workers, and perform under other state restrictions like where and when prostitution may occur. 

Street prostitutes who are active in this kind of – labeled by the Austrian legislature – “immoral” business, must abide to certain rules. These rules involve specific working hours and working places. During cold winter days, the work of street prostitutes is confined to eight hours a day, starting at 8pm in the evening and ending at 4am in the morning. During warm and light summer nights, working hours start at around one hour later, when daylight has disappeared. (The Vienna Review)

 Currently there are 2,374 registered prostitutes in Vienna, but the mere legalization of prostitution doesn't solve the crime and health issues.

Vienna is referred to as the “Hochburg” or hot spot for legal and illegal prostitution. Even though legal official numbers speak of nearly 3,000 registered sex workers, NGO estimates go as high as 8,000 nationwide.

The majority of legal prostitutes, 78% (and surely the majority, if not all of the illegal prostitutes) are foreigners migrating from the Eastern European countries and from Nigeria and Sub-Saharan Africa.

The Austrian government seems to be relatively on-top of the crime and health issues...which of course will never be perfect...it is a government. But what about the issues of the inherent dignity of the human person. You can treat the flesh, and the "freedom" of the flesh, but that doesn't mean you are caring for and helping the person, the true freedom of the soul. 

just read the story of "Clara" in the article from the Vienna Review (through the link above...or excerpts below)

“Das ist meine scheisse Arbeit, Entschuldigung!” This is my shitty job, I’m sorry, she tells us. Clara is neither happy nor proud of where she is in life right now. In fact, she despises her job more than anything else, but it is the only way she can provide for her family. As a waitress, she would make €40 a day. Here she can make twice as much in one hour, justification enough. “Aber besser trinken Alkohol und schlafen, dann ist alles ok,” It’s better to drink alcohol and sleep, then everything is ok. 

Large amounts of vodka enable her to cope with the bitter cold and the awful work. As we talked, the barriers slowly broke down; as things gradually became more personal, she began to cry. “I hate this work,” she said. “I hate the winters. Why do I have to do this? God forgive me, for I am a whore. This is who I am and what I do. I’m sorry.” Her tears flowed over her cheeks and ruining the several layers of make-up covering her face.  

As things stood, Clara didn’t see any way out of her misery, nor, she said, do any of the others. There are several institutions and organizations, such as Women’s Health Vienna (Frauengesundheit Wien) that try to help sex workers by educating them about health risks and offering regular check-ups. She spent Christmas at home in Romania, in order to return to her “principessa” and forget about her life in Vienna – at least for a few days.…(Vienna Review).

I was sent to Vienna with my faith and trust in God, to become a friend, to give love and peace, to give light, simply by being open and available, by living my faith in the midst of it all. Sometimes the "all" entails things I cannot live directly in the midst of physically, but only by being united to the reality in prayer, bringing those hearts that I don't personally known, laying them before the Eucharist alongside my own. I do not understand their situations or their pain (not only those of the working men and women, but also their customers). They are there and you can go to the street and try to talk to them, as the two women did for the Vienna Review article, but I don't want to just talk to them once to satiate curiosity or gain information, I want to offer them friendship, offer them someone genuinely interested in their well-being. In taking their time, you keep them from earning the money for which they have become trapped in this lifestyle in the first place, so how on earth do you form a friendship in the first place? I know sometimes I will be called to things outside of my comfort zone, merely because I ask for the grace to die to myself in order to live as Christ directs me, but never would I want to offend or cause discomfort to those already so pained and miserable. I don't understand their way of life, their languages, their needs, their sufferings--but my heart is so filled with compassion even glimpsing into their misery.

I was sent to Vienna not to start my own "save the world" projects or to fix every sad thing in the place which I now call home. I can't do these things. But I can entrust these realities and individuals I come across to God. Only He knows why he made this so present in our lives in Vienna--whether it be to lead us to somehow reach out with a loving and friendly hand to them, or merely (and just as important) bring them to prayer everyday with us.

I ask you to join me in praying for all those who suffer both exteriorly by the cold, defilement, abuse, and inwardly by the lascivious looks and gestures robbing them of their dignity and respect deserved, by the lack of true care, love, and affection, by the lack of freedom.

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, redeemed; never throw out anyone."-Audrey Hepburn

They are treated as things that with a price must deliver pleasure on demand, being coerced into this life or submitting themselves to this life merely for the sake of acquiring the means necessary to provide for themselves, their families, their survival. I want them to be treated as persons, loved and cared for...restored, renewed, revived, reclaiming their own dignity, their own ability to be treated with love and respect and not face not being able to care for themselves or their families. Of course, the redeeming is up to God. I can only love, and desire to give more love however God wants me to.

St. Mary Magdelene,

who, reviled by all others at table, 

with tears to fall and cleanse 

humbly sought true love and worth

at the feet of Love, Himself;

who, beside the Mother Immaculate, 

with tears to replace screams

 clung to Love's bleeding feet

as He died to show His love, her worth, 

pray for us. 

chickens

the french people living at the Heart's Home in Brooklyn have excellent english considering how long the majority of them have lived here. yet sometimes the language barrier makes for some really funny moments. 

today I used the phrase: "running around like a chicken with its head cut off", then I realized that maybe Sister Regine didn't know what that meant, so I asked her if she had heard that expression before. 

She responded, "No, but you don't have to explain it. I'm pretty sure I know what you mean. Its happened at my house before. A chicken escaped after we cut off it's head and it really did run around like crazy for a few moments before it finally died."

I wonder how many Americans use this expression without ever having seen a chicken in the last moments of its life after its head has been cut off. oh Lordy...the French. 

want to be interested

alot of the time I feel dumber when I leave a movie theater. 

so I want to suggest films to you that move me, make me learn things, push the envelope on comfort, make me question and wonder. 

several nights ago I watched a movie with the Heart's Home community called...

OSTROV

which means 'Island' in Russian.

yes, it is a subtitle movie.

but I totally recommend it. 

so give it a try

or if you want to give a german movie a try, that is worth the viewing merely for the SOUNDTRACK ALONE...

I recommend

ERBSEN AUF HALB 6

(it means...Peas at 5:30)

little treasures from a little sister

wanting to love is not enough. be one with the other. to share their destiny. to let contact with them enrich you. give up the notion that you must always have something to give. Christ is the leaven. it must keep its strength when mixing, kneading into the dough. be more cunning than the serpent by being filled with Christ. become involved. become one. and become more deeply by being utmost rooted in Christ. in the faith that upholds you and gives you strength. 

"You have only One Model: Jesus. Do not look for another. Like Jesus during his life on earth, make yourself all things to all people: an Arab in the midst of Arabs, a nomad among nomads, a worker among working people, but above all be human among your brothers and sisters. Do not think that living among people will hinder your life of union with God. Do not set up barriers between the world and yourself...

Immerse yourself deeply among people by sharing their life, by friendship and by love. Give yourself to them completely, like Jesus who came to serve and not to be served; you, too, become one with them. Then you will be like leaven which must lost itself in the dough to make it rise."

-Little Sister Magdeleine of Jesus  

meditation from Cenacolo

"All of us have seeds of hope. We desire a better future, healing, peace, and serenity. We daily experience the reality that true hope is not only something, but someone. Revealing His face through His Son, God the Father came to meet us, and it is in His Son that our hope takes root, in Jesus, born in Bethlehem-two thousand years ago. He died and rose for us and tells us that death does not have the final word. He is the hope to proclaim, to shout, and to cry to everyone. The biggest sickness in our world is sadness, indifference, and loneliness. Like parched land waiting for water, so the world is waiting for those who will proclaim this hope. God has freely chosen us to proclaim this HOPE. He has given us the strength to follow Him and has put in our hearts the desire to embrace this wounded humanity. In receiving mankind, the living hope in us must become love in gestures, in works, and in life. Jesus is telling us to give life, to give ourselves, not only a part of us or a few hours of work. If we do not give our life, spend our life for others, it will vanish from our hands. We want to be a living and active Church, those who love humanity. In order to serve Christ in his members, in the poor, we must be in love with God, madly in love with Him! The vigor comes from this 'being in love' with God more than any person, more than the husband, the wife, the children, the family. These are all gifts from God and become even more precious the more we respond to God with our heart and gaze upon Him. The poor man, whatever garment he is wearing, is always Jesus Christ with open wounds, with blood flowing on humanity. He is there in the sick and desperate man. So then you, who are living HOPE are called to receive Him and smile at Him. You are called to get your faith moving and your love walking in the world. The Father is calling us to work together and to make this hope, who is the Risen Christ, grow in the midst of wounded humanity, that is watching to find the light again. We ask the Child Jesus to grant us the gift to contemplate Him, His face, and His heart, to contemplate Him who is the eyes and the face of everyone we meet daily. May He give us a poor, free, good heart, simple like His, because then whomever we meet will see Him shining through us."

Mother Elvira Petrozzi--founder of Cenacolo 

meandering thoughts

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the day I left Vienna, Austria...

woke up early to pray Laudes and have breakfast with Fr. Jacques and Alina

and the table was set for company with a gorgeous spread for breakfast. 

Alina of course had one last surprise gift in store for me before I boarded that plane back to the US, trying to have a smile and trust in what God was doing with my life by taking me away for some time

Alina had arranged with some of the Italians from the KHG to come have breakfast with us before I left. 10 minutes before Hana and Matthias came to pick me up to take me to the airport, Andrea, Carlotta, Judita, Pietro, Paulo arrived at the door, groggy and obviously having made quite a sacrifice to come to the apartment to say goodbye. 

It meant so much to me that they would go to the trouble. I couldn't actually find the words to explain how grateful my heart was. Simply being in their presence sets my heart at ease. The friendship that brings 5 friends  to your house so early just to have breakfast and say goodbye...there are really no words to describe what I am trying to put my heart into describing. 

I wanted to cry but it was a weird feeling. My heart was so overcome with the pain of having to leave, the joy simply of spending the last few minutes (at least for a while) in the Heart's Home with these other hearts that had also become each individual homes for me. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to cry only because maybe then I could show them how much it meant to me...their friendship, their openness, their support and love and prayers. 

After 5 minutes of sharing some breakfast, I said a quick goodbye to everyone, as well as the Sisters of the Lamb who came to the door to say goodbye. Hugged Fr. Jacques and Alina quickly and jumped in the car with Hana and Matthias. Weird. I was leaving. 

Checking in at the airport went smoothly. As I turned around, finished with all those practical issues, and ready to search for a place to have a cup of coffee with Hana and Matthias before going through security, I was beyond surprised to find a familiar face. It was the face of Irena, the mother of Jessica-the little girl I tutor in english. She had driven the 45 minutes to the airport just to say goodbye to me for 2 minutes!!! As Irena explained, Jessica and Slaw (pronounced Slav) were playing volleyball, so Irena came alone to wish me a good trip and to give me a little gift from Jessica. She handed me a bright pink, purple and green gift bag. Inside, my little student had stuffed some milka, a stuffed, bright pink and purple alien looking animal, and a letter--which turned out to be "The three little kittens" english nursery rhyme which she had written for me in english. Really, Irena came with the gift, and a plethora of kisses, a few hugs, and a "Tschussi" that left my heart overflowing at the thoughtfulness of this woman, friend, polish mutti. 

then Hana and Matthias and I got coffee. Talking, laughing, in german and english. Simple time with friends that have become family. 

only as I was walking through security after having spent 45 minutes drinking coffee with the two of them, spending my last minutes in Vienna saying goodbye to them and seeing them wave me through security...

to take their time to take me to the airport, 

to sit and talk when they have so many other things to do (writing thesis, meetings with bosses and professors, getting together with friends, etc.) 

you know what I have found to be the greatest treasure in a friend...

in a world that is constantly 

hurrying

chaotic

a million things to do 

people to talk to

etc.

...

to spend time with someone 

to talk

love 

without feeling like a burden. 

To feel for that time together

as if nothing else exists in the world.

That is what it means to be present

to give time, to give yourself. 

and to recognize the gift of someone, of their time. 

it is not a loan, until something better comes along. 

there is no indian giving, as we learned when we were little kids. 

it is a gift--fully and selflessly given--in which you are wholly submersed and available to the other. Time, attention is given without reserve or regret. And to be assured you are not making their lives worse by taking this gift, by taking their time. 

for souls to be available and giving themselves to one another

and to be free from the feeling of being a burden

When we were having coffee, Matthias had a phone call. 

Hana takes the moment to turn to me, hug me, and say, "Mary, I am proud of you."

of course, I respond..."Why on Earth!? 

I open my eyes every morning and see what I have here, what Alina and I have here, what God has given us and Heart's Home in its infancy. I see all the people that helped us get here and whose prayers, good thoughts, and material help urge us on. To see all the people I have met here in Vienna, who no matter what they do, where they live, where they come from, what they wear, what they eat, etc....have taught me what it is to love, to be present.

And this teaching is the act of giving love itself,

that has raised this reality of infinite debt in my heart. 

I will be returning to Vienna in 1/2 month. 

I have to...because I have so much to learn. I thirst for more love lessons, and I thirst for more chances to attempt to repay this debt I feel....but in reality is insatiable and unable to be repaid. 

Deep cries to deep. 

I have been given a deep love, which has ignited inside of me the burning awareness of an infinite debt for this gift. I have to give love back, to show them what they have done for me, meant to me, meant to me....yet every time I try to show them, try to reciprocate this love, the infinitude of this love, and thus this depth is more and more revealed to me--my desire to love them increases every moment and I make no headway in the repayment. As much as I try to love more, I find myself in need to give more and more. 

And this is what connects us....that is why every person who touches your life in this way has a place in your heart always. We are never finished loving. Never. He can never love enough and thus, we are always thirsty, always yearning. 

It is not a thirst of poverty. 

It is a thirst of abundance.

It is a thirst that is a sign of wealth, of touching with your fingertips the greatest treasure. 

When love is genuine, it is an inability to settle accounts, to repay debts. It is an experience of finding yourself poor, and that is the greatest wealth. You can never love enough. This pain of inability is the greatest joy. Without this pain, you are not truly human. You have never truly loved. You are the poorest. 

What is this thirst? -this experience in loving others? -this pain,  more than proof that we were created for eternity? 

Time.

To give time is a great gift. A great pain is to be confided by time when our souls long for infinitude. More time is never enough, it is an ageless gift, never losing a bit of its worth or preciousness. 

In German...it is always "auf wiedersehen"

that means "see again"

because our only hope lies in the eternity our souls were destined for. 

the eternity that was written on our hearts

the eternity we are all striving for. 

to be given time and be assured that you are not a burden. that the time was not begrudgingly given or a judgment of worth made and time given in proportion to the worth judged. 

when the person is truly seen. when the person has infinite worth and is given infinite time. when the person offers himself to the other with some sense of infinitude. 

what a treasure. 

Time is worth in our modern day. 

GIVE TIME

Wasn't that what Christ did when He stopped to talk to, heal, visit those people who dared to cry out to him when he was crowded on all sides, when he seemed busy, seemed on the way to something. The people with faith still cried out for TIME...still cried out for WORTH. Which is exactly what Christ came here to give. 

to me that is the secret 

of friendship

of love

of the EUCHARIST. 

thank you for all of you in my life, 

in the USA

in Austria

all over the world

who have taught me this. 

i am forever indebted to you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

my ears have new friends,

and my ears introduced them to my soul. 

jon foreman | my love goes free

rachael yamagata | meet me by the water

astrud gilberto | girl from ipanema 

astrud gilberto | corcovado

fallulah | use it for good

javier dunn | northern tree

joey ryan | light on

ray laMontagne | be here now

peter broderick | with a key

 the princess and the pearl | billows

 

soundtrack musik von besonderes film | composers Max Berghaus, Dirk Reichardt, Stefan Hansen

(but really you need to hear the music from the Erbsen auf halb 6 soundtrack, which you can listen to if you go to amazon and consider buying it)

catholicism project

thanks meg.

Christianity always has explosive power. 

If we let it be itself, it has transformative power. 

what creature are you. what creature do you want to become

"People often think that Christian morality is a kind of bargain in which God says, 'If you keep a lot of rules I'll reward you, and if you don't I'll do the other thing,' I do not think that is the best way of looking at it. I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-cretures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven; that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is  progressing to the one state or the other."

c. s. lewis, mere christianity 

 

hold on

it has been an amazing week thus far at my first home in Heart's Home--Brooklyn. I have come to realize that my life in the past 3 months has really taken the form of a school. And this month, my classes are really teaching me the worth and the practice of perseverance.

God has worked so many miracles already...opening my eyes wider, my heart wider, making my hands stronger and grasping Him alone, giving me encouragement through His Presence in the Eucharist, as well as His presence in others. Oh I cannot be more thankful for this little hiccup of a situation which landed me back in the States so unexpectedly, but that has given me so much grace and peace. I find myself constantly wondering...."Lord, why do you love me so much!"

but my focus right now is holding on. "Hold on" because in the midst of all this grace and mercy...the thing we must remember as humans who are impatient, anxious, controlling, and prone to weakness and blindness....is that we must hold on. Especially in moments like those I have been living the past month (and I am a beginner...there are so many people out there who learned this lesson way before me and are seasoned veterans by now), the holding on has been paired with blindness...it has been a holding on to things unseen. It has been a holding on to HOPE.

'The 5th condition is to obey COURAGEOUSLY not giving way before any difficulty, temptation, or repugnance which may arise in the path of holy obedience. "Do ye manfully, and let your heart be strengthened, all ye that hope in the LORD," says the Psalmist. It is as if he were to say: There is no doubt but that you will encounter many difficulties, since the path of virtue is hedged in by thorns and Satan makes every effort to thwart your pious intentions; cut to the quick by this glorious, meritorious virtue, he rages at seeing you set all your store in practicing it with every requisite condition and invents a thousand and one tricks and stratagems to discourage you. But take heart! you HOPE in the Lord; He will not fail to lend you His divine assistance; He will give you the means and the strength to pursue the way you have entered upon and overcome your enemies. "Should tribulation thunder," says St. Bernard,"should persecution arise, should sinners lay shares for you, should the wicked try to hinder your advance, do not therefore depart from the path of obedience." For the evil does not concern himself very much that we begin to obey perfectly, provided that we do not persevere for long. But what is the use of all the other qualities, as the same saint remarks, if the strength is lacking which establishes the other virtues in the fortress of constancy, arming them so well that the fury of this persecutor cannot expect to vanquish them.'

St. Vincent Ferrer

Perseverance more than anything is needed because therein are the roots of the springtime blossoms of our souls...virtues. Merely holding on is an apparent inefficiency, as if we are not moving forward but exhausting ourselves by wasting our time, remaining where we are. But really, I have come to the conclusion that perseverance is not a stagnant holding on, hanging, waiting for things to pass, until joys overflow at some future date (until all good things just come to you without any trial or work of your own),  until you are at peace and everything is free and easy. It is an active holding on, it is the activity of holding on so much to what you believe that you let yourself go, you surrender yourself into the arms of what you believe. To hold onto what you believe so much so as to surrender to its power and guidance...the arms of your Creator in whom you have the greatest faith. And by resting in those arms, resting in apparent inactivity, you are carried unharmed and not wearied to the land in which you will thrive and virtue will encompass your life. it is not always about having something to do, some advance to make, something to give, some contribution to make. Sometimes the greatest activity is to remain malleable in the hands of your Creator.  Holding on to what you believe in, is at once a grasping surrender. (oh the oxymorons abound)

hold on to what you believe in the light

when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight

oh hold on to what you believe in the light

when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight. 

when they sing they say, "but we're young, open flowers in the field of this war-torn world"...and it reminds me of a story a Franciscan friar told in a homily last Wednesday when I went to mass at St. Peter's in the loop in Chicago.

"While traveling in a coal-mine district,

I noticed how very dingy the towns appeared. 

The coal-dut seemed to blacken buildings, trees, shrubs--everything. 

But as a foreman  and I were walking near the mines, 

I noticed a beautiful white flower. 

Its petals were as pure as if it were blooming in a daisy field. 

'What care the owner of this plant must take of it," said I, 

"to keep it so free from dust and dirt."

"See here," said the foreman, and taking up a handful of coal-dust, 

threw it over the flower. 

It immediately ran off, and left the flower as stainless as before. 

"It has enamel," the foreman explained,

"which prevents any dust from clinging to it. I think it must have been created for just 

such a place."

tempted, exposed, tried, and tested. the flower remains there. remains white. remains unaffected. the enamel is in a shade of grace by which it is illuminated despite its formidable surroundings. and so must our souls be illuminated with this same grace, and in this grace persevere against the strongest of attacks against hope, the most dire circumstances in which we find ourselves completely surrounded by darkness and dirtiness and yet remain in the light, remain pure, remain a reflection of the beauty this world is meant for. the flower did not give itself the enamel. the flower does not enable itself to persevere against the winds of coal-ash, or even the rain of ash directly from the foreman's hand. so do we remain incapable of giving ourselves an illuminating enamel of grace and perseverance. But perseverance is what we were created for, we were created for hope. We were created to shine in the midst of a dingy world in order to point others toward the reason for our hope. 

what it comes down to....

where you invest your love, 

you invest your life

so hold on to love

hold on to life

hold on to what you believe

hold on to the hand that gives you hope.

hold on.  

neuwigkeit

got to skype with Alina and Monika yesterday

and got to speak on the phone with Alina this morning. 

practicing deutsch....getting the dirt on Viennese life

1. 

obviously i already posted that we are officially an association in Austria

(im still smiling)

2. 

one day before I left, the diocese decided that the electricity in the entire apartment was dangerous because it was so old and that they were going to replace all of it (even the cost of it was approved by the parish priest in charge of our apartment which we were really surprised to hear. 

("Economical" would be the considerate way of describing him...but a synonym to this word in his case would be "parsimonious")

Three days after I left, the men practically moved into the apartment to begin the work. It didn't take them very long considering all the work they needed to do (that means all outlets, light fixtures, etc. which is good because some were falling out of the walls). Alina told me yesterday that they were indeed finished...but left behind so much dirt and debris (the didn't clean up anything or fix any of the walls or floors or ceilings that they had deconstructed in order to do their job) that made Alina understand exactly why God had sent me away for a month (she is so cute...direct quote..."I'm so glad you aren't here. Its just better for your sanity"...of course, auf deutsch). 

This morning when I spoke with her, she was getting ready to head to the store to purchase some cement with Fr. Jacques. Yes, that means they are rebuilding walls because the parish priest decided the repair of the electricity was so expensive that he would refuse to make any more repairs in the kitchen and the bathroom--please refer to previous pictures...this is now our reality without hope of help from the diocese. Oh well, it will all mean so much more and cause us to learn so much more if we have to do it ourselves. Just pray that we do in fact remain sane (well, i'm in Amerika so that isn't so much of an issue for me) and that we end up having enough funds to enable us to repair what still needs to be repaired. Alina said that they haven't been able to eat in the apartment for 2 weeks because of all the work and dust. 

3.

Monika found a new apartment. She has been wanting to move so badly for the past 4 months and she is really seeking to live with some other young women so that she's not entirely alone anymore and so that she can afford to live in a bigger apartment. The apartment she found was 2 floors above us!!! Funny right! Her apartment is almost identical to ours, but bigger and completely renovated. She has found two other roommates, is still looking for a third, and was completely set on the decision. 

That is...until the parish priest decided yesterday to up the rent considerably. The reason he gave her was because of us, and all the expenses that we have caused him with our apartment (aka the electricity which was not even our decision to have done) and that since she was helping us so much, he raised the rent. 

umm...lets just pray for him. 

and for Monika that she figures out what God wills for her right now. 

She has an amazing trust in God...and is completely a model of peace and trust when things aren't going as well as you would like.