we're official

its official.
Heart's Home and the Austrian government are dating.


just skyped with Alina

and she shared some unbelievable news!!!

WE ARE OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED AS THE

 NON-PROFIT 

CHARITABLE 

ASSOCIATION OF 

"OFFENES HERZ" 

BY THE AUSTRIAN GOVERNMENT!!!!

this means that life is going to be much easier as far as the government goes. 

ahh....we can breathe easy now! 

special thanks to Monika--who wrote the entire legal documents for the legal status, 

the lawyer who, for FREE, looked them over and checked all the legality before we turned the documents into the state

and the country of Austria who has officially accepted us!!

and of course, thank you for all your prayers that have gotten us this far! 

musings and advice from a conductor

(the following reflections are from Robert Shaw, California born conductor famous for his Choral, and work with the Cleveland Orchestra and Atlantic Symphony Orchestra)

"I am amazed again and again how the mastery of successive minute technical details releases floods of spiritual understanding. This must be particularly true of Beethoven, and of this work (Missa Solemnis) which demands such daemonic dexterity. -- In every vocal convulsion some truth is struggling to be born. In every avoidance or diversion of the 'natural' (which downgrades so quickly from the 'familiar' through the 'easy' to the 'ho-hum') the super-natural finds a voice. 

At every instance wherein we achieve this exact balance, or that unequivocal intonation, or yea rhythmic meshing, or an absolute precision of enunciation, or an unassailable propriety of vocal color the miracle happens--the Flesh is made Word, and dwells among us. We must in muscle and blood and brains and breath-and out comes a holy spirit."

Concerning Beethoven's 

Missa Solemnis, May 16, 1972

" ...We have the right to expect and demand of ourselves not flawless performance but humanly great performance. Music has finally to issue in sound; and the sound has no meaning unless it is the voice of the spirit. The only crescendo of importance is the crescendo of the human heart.

 The grammar of music is essential, and those of us who would be musicians are obligated to become experts in its manipulation; but the meanings of notation, of marks of dynamics and tempo, are not limited to their dictionary equivalents. They are frail and meagre and hopeful suggestions to the human spirit to respond to the "why" behind the symbol. 

We've worked hard on musical disciplines. They aren't good enough. They never are. But all that we have to accomplish is worth nothing at all unless it releases the spirit to sing and shout, to laugh and cry, or pray the primitive prayer. I earnestly believe, too, that the spirit--and only the spirit--can guide us to the sound. If hearts hymn, then the sound is illumined."  

Letter to Collegiate Chorale, 

February 12, 1953

"To be an amateur artist means, I suppose, to be unwilling or unable to set a price upon the effort and love which attends the creation of beauty. When you get right down to it, to be an artist is to be an amateur. One can no more think of being a professional musician than he can of being a professional person. To be an artist is to arrive at some sort of resolution of the mind and matter struggle. It's a yea to the proposition that there are ideal human values lasting beyond one's own mortal limits, and that it is a necessary part of being human to seek, enjoy, and transmit these values. To be an artist is not the privilege of a few but the necessity of us all."

Letter to Collegiate Chorale,

November 5, 1953 

 

 

pianists at tea

i just took a break from work I was doing (boring stuff like answering emails, keeping in touch with Vienna, etc.)

and had tea with a pianist in his final year of a Masters program at Julliard. 

A friend of Fr. Paul's since 2 years or so, Evan Shinners hails from Denver, CO, which I thought was cool enough.

But then we got on the top of art exhibits and music, and I then learned that just back in January he did an installment at the MOMA playing the piano, from INSIDE an old german piano with a hole cut into it, which means he learned and performed for thousands of visitors the entire 9th symphony of Beethoven...BACKWARDS from INSIDE a piano, while he pushed it around the lobby of the MOMA on wheels. 

click here to view a video interview

and click here for an article by CBS on his performance

When they were describing tis exhibit to me, I didn't understand that the pianist was him...so I dumbly asked if Fr. Paul had actually met this artist. They replied, laughing at me, that in fact I knew him to. 

coming back to work on my computer I shamelessly googled him...and I wanted to share his awe-inspiring talent with you. 

His special love is the musical art of Johann Sebastian Bach, with Beethoven as the runner-up....so of course I instantly invited him to Vienna. I hope he comes as soon as possible! 

check out his website: www.evanshinners.com

Just to give you a little background on his life as an artist: 

(all of which I just learned through google because all we talked about in our conversation was the time he spent backpacking through Ireland) 

Juilliard pianist Evan Shinners is an emerging icon in both classical and popular music. He made his orchestral debut with the Utah symphony at age 12, and in the past two seasons appeared at Carnegie Hall, Steinway Hall, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Avery Fisher Hall, Jordan Hall in Boston, Verizon Hall at the Kimell Center in Philadelphia, with tours of Ireland, Germany, parts of Asia and Canada. As a classical pianist he was recently hailed by David Dubal as “the greatest Bach interpreter since Glenn Gould” and next season plans to record and perform all seven Bach toccatas. As a performer of his original music, he and his band, the SUITS! have appeared throughout the United States, Sweden, Canada, England and completed a United States tour this summer, with guest appearances on Colorado Public Radio.

And this is his latest project--check it out, enjoy it, support it

In conjunction with his performances at MoMA, Evan Shinners has also been running a successful crowdfunding campaign on RocketHub in order to raise funds for the recording and release of his live Bach performance album, titled “@bach.”

The campaign is still ongoing at: http://www.rockethub.com/projects/674-evan-shinners-bach

Shinners views both projects as a simultaneous campaign to bring classical music into the 21st century through a set of innovative live performances and Internet-powered outreach. “This is a unique glimpse into the world of classical music. ‘@bach’ is the present and future of the classical music concert.”

RocketHub Co-Founder and CEO, Brian Meece describes Evan Shinners “as an extremely talented and modern artist who is taking classical music into new and uncharted territories. RocketHub is honored to provide a creative venue and career launchpad for Evan.”

i will not take my love away

quite stressed out yesterday. its nothing I am afraid of or worried about, more just the human inclination to tighten up a bit when things aren't in your grasping, controlling hands. 

Chicago De-stress regimen:

i started my day with mass-St. Peter's in the Loop (Madison/Clark)...new obsession. 

+most simply beautiful church I have been to in Chicago. full of sleek stone and woodwork and white marble sculptures that boldly and simply remind you of why you are there in mass-the love of Christ on the cross and the faith and confidence of Mary and John at His feet. It also has about 6 masses throughout the day, most of which are filled with business men and women taking a break from the office to love up on God for a bit. Even more amazing...they offer confessions throughout the day, every day (from 6am-7:30 i think). oh, and it is the home of 20+ Franciscan O.F.M's. what is more to love!+

sat and blogged in one of my three favorite coffehouses in Chicago-The Bourgeois Pig (Fullerton Ave.)

(the other two are 1. The Noble Tree on Clark and 2. Metropolis on Granville)

then went to the Chicago School of Hot Yoga for a 60-minute Power Detox session.

I have never done hot yoga before, but have only heard good things, so I thought I'd give it a try. 

Considering it has been a while since I have worked on my flexibility I was a little nervous :) but the "hot" part (the room is kept around 95degrees) helps your muscles relax and enables to you flexibility that you wouldn't have imagined. The heat also serves like a sauna to increase your heart rate to help you burn calories faster with less stress on your body as a gym workout, and make you sweat to eliminate toxins and other gucky stuff. (I'm sure my cousin Annie will totally correct me on all of this because she is practically a yogini, but my descriptions will have to do) Obviously I don't ascribe to yoga religiously, but the relaxation it provides, the support and care for the body it engenders, and the body/mind/soul peace it works to maintain it so worth replacing a couple gym sessions a week. Anyways, if you ever get the chance to give it a try...don't pass it up. You leave the center feeling delightfully de-stressed and exercised, and you sleep better than ever. 

after a quick stop at the apartment to shower, I joined Anna, Sadie, B (a friend of Sadie's from work), G and E (two of their guy friends). Anna, Sadie, G, and E are more like a little family and the boys practically live at the girls apartment so I have been so lucky to get to know them while I have been here. We went to a Vietnamese restaurant called Simply It (Lincoln Ave.) where we went through several bottles of wine (BYOB), got some Vietnamese lessons, and were the last ones to leave following one of the best meals I have had in a long time! (if you live in chicago, or visit and go, you have to try the ginger mahi mahi!) At one point I was sitting at dinner and being blown away by the fact that I have only been here two weeks, spending time with people (the majority of whom I have never met before) and feeling rather sad that already I have to leave all these friends I have come to genuinely love and care for! I am so thankful Sadie has such wonderful friends, and that she so generously shared them with me!  

I laid really low in Chicago because I just needed time to get my bearings both with being back in the states and with life and my commitment to Heart's Home in general. It was difficult to be so quickly taken out of the life I had become accustomed to, especially when I thought that I wouldn't be leaving for another year or so. Needless to say, as much as I obviously love America, I have been a little "out of it". After a nice 2 weeks of missionary life "vacation" (I guess you could say),  I am off to Brooklyn. 

oh and a lovely beauty from last night...

Boettch called me from a Matt Wertz concert with this song.

it moved me, but in no way I can adequately describe in words. 

just a little boost of courage, hope, reassurance in dependence on God before I leave today for Brooklyn. 

I would be anxious about Brooklyn. keep me in your prayers. you are everyday in mine.

I Will Not Take My Love Away. matt wertz

I will not take my love away

When praises cease and seasons change

while the whole world turns the other way

I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone

When striving leads you far from home

And there's no yield for what you've sown

I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need

In plenty or in poverty

Forever, always, look to me

And I will give you what you need

I will not take my love away 

another thanks because you're just that amazing

i just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate

all the letters and surprise packages 

I received while in Vienna! 

oh the lOve is feel is tremendous and always renews my awe at the 

amazing gift and miracle of friendship. 

Before I left, A (a cousin on my dad's side) sent me a package with a book and a letter that was long enough to have been considered a book as well! 

If any of you have heard of "The Power of Kindness" by Piero Ferrucci, you are probably as thankful as I am for the person who recommended it to you, or that one day you stopped into the book store and picked it up. You have also probably found yourself overflowing with gratitude that someone took the time to put all that you feel and all that you think and all that you long to feel and all that inspires you, in written form. 

If you haven't heard of it, you should do yourself a favor...thats all im gonna say. 

oh and...thanks A! 

In her letter, she also included this poem by a Sufi mystic poet, Rumi. 

I read her letter on my transatlantic flight (enough time to read her letter/book haha) and given the circumstances of the flight...I found it to be profoundly perfect for the moment. 

The Guest House

This being human 

                is a guest house.

Every morning                     .

                    a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meannesss,                            ,

some momentary awareness comes

           as an              

                                      unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

             Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house                  . 

                               empty of its furniture, 

still                                        .

treat each guest honorably.

                   He may be clearing you out  

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door

                                                   laughing,

and invite them in.                       .

                                       Be grateful

                               for whoever comes,

             because 

                                  each has been sent

                                  as a guide from beyond.

Legoland with Cigarettes

recently read this article in Travel and Leisure. 

I am one of these Americans. I just love Europe and always have. A sunny vacation in South America, no matter how much closer or cheaper, just doesn't interest me as much as a vacation in southern Italy, the coast of Spain, or the Greek isles does. I would rather spend autumn in Brugge, Belgium than in New York City, and I would obviously rather live in Vienna, than at home. 

Here’s why Americans love Europe more than anyplace else.

From April 2011By Peter Jon Lindberg

For as long as there’s been an America, Americans have been flocking to Europe. From the moment our colonial compatriots escaped that oppressive old museum-piece of a continent, they began plotting their return on a 10-country all-inclusive tour. We still call it “The Continent,” as if there weren’t a half-dozen others. Sure, counter-intuitive types will stray off now and then on some exotic fling—to Brazil, New Zealand, Japan—but is it ever quite the same? Our fantasy landscapes will always be planted with Dutch tulips, Italian cypress, and Provençal lavender.

Some say we’re drawn to Europe because so many of our ancestors came from there. They’ll tell you Americans and Europeans retain a “common bond.” But come on—look at them. Look at us. We say potato, they say ziemniak. They say Campari, we say Tequiza. We could not be more different.

Though their influence has waned considerably, Europeans had quite a run for a while, inventing democracy, the printing press, gravity, and Krautrock. No wonder Americans have a long-standing inferiority complex. As soon as we set foot on the Continent, we lose all our powers, like Superman returning to Krypton, or Rudy Giuliani to New York. Our basic verbal skills fail us. Our ATM cards, mobile phones, and hair dryers cease to work. Our daunting American swagger is reduced to a tentative “mi scusi.”

Of course, historically speaking, we’re barely teenagers by comparison. Americans in Europe tend to feel like the gawky, wide-eyed prepubescent visiting the hip older sibling—the prodigal brother who learned to smoke unfiltered cigarettes and habituate subterranean jazz clubs. 

(Jazz! For crying out loud, they play it more than we do

—and we invented it!)

So what explains our unwavering obsession? Why—in spite of rising airfares, a still-high exchange rate, and the scarcity of rental cars with automatic transmission—do Americans insist on vacationing in Europe?

Well, because it’s Europe. And it’s awesome. Here are a few reasons why.

Everything is Adorably Small

The first thing that strikes an American visiting Europe is how improbably tiny everything is—not least Europeans themselves. Look at them: driving their puny Smart cars, sleeping in their minuscule hobbit beds, wearing size-XS shirts from Zara. The entire Continent is miniature-scaled: tiny soda bottles, tiny subway cars, tiny garbage trucks. It’s like Legoland with cigarettes. Can you blame us for wanting to collect every precious little piece?

They Appreciate Football

Until recently, only prep-schoolers and suburban four-year-olds played soccer in America. In Europe it’s a $21.6 billion sensation, and the only industry that doesn’t require a government subsidy. Whole 90,000-seat stadiums fill up with riotous, bloodthirsty fans. To nonbelievers “the beautiful game” resembles nothing more than an unsupervised kindergarten recess: OK, everybody just run around for an hour and a half, and occasionally stop to hug! Olé, olé, olé! But for Europeans—far more sensitive to subtlety and nuance—those 90 minutes are the most sacred and profound of the week.

The Fashion? Incredible

The birthplace of Camus, Beckett, and Ionesco, Europe has always been at home with absurdity. Nowhere is this proud legacy more evident than in the way European men dress. Seriously, have you ever seen an Italian in his native environment, left to his own sartorial devices? He will pair a Day-Glo-orange cycling jersey with a checked suit (double-breasted, of course) and ivory suede moccasins. He will swathe himself in a veritable gelato shop of pastels. He will make Björk look pragmatic. Yet around the planet, Italian men are revered for their fashion sense. Why? Because no matter how ridiculous they look, they are impervious to embarrassment. When you own your goofiness as Europeans do, the world is your catwalk.

Great Education for the Kids

Traveling to Europe is a fine way to expose your children to history, art, foreign languages, and prostitution. I was 10 when my parents first took me to Amsterdam. Walking to dinner the first night we passed a lady sitting in a window, dressed in what I took to be a not-very-convincing Catwoman costume. On her lap was a fluffy Siamese cat. A sign in the window said “$75 USD.”

“Can we buy him, Dad? Can we?” I begged. “Canwecanwe?”

“She’s not selling the cat,” he replied. And that was that.

Sex is no Big Deal

They put topless women in newspapers. They sunbathe in the nude. They’ve kept Silvio Berlusconi in office for 10 years. French President Nicolas Sarkozy married much younger former model, Carla Bruni—and both are rumored to have had affairs. In Europe, randiness is nothing to feel bad about. If anything, it’s a mark of sophistication. This is why, in French movies, devastatingly attractive 19-year-old women are always falling head-over-Chloé-heels for slovenly old sex-obsessed alcoholics. Who cares if they reek of pastis and stale tobacco? They’re so confident! So virile! So captivating!

The Miracle of European Cuisine

Having endured all manner of privation throughout history, Euros learned to survive by sifting through the bottom of the food chain. Hence their vestigial preference for hooves, tails, spleens, kidneys, and other odd bits. But here’s the rub: everything they cook is crazy-delicious. Even the calves’ intestines. You will never eat better calves’ intestines in your life. Nor better boiled sheep’s head, nor pressed ox tongue. The secret? Fantastic butter, and lots of it. Also? Everything tastes great when you’ve been drunk since noon.

Loads of Downtime

Europeans love whiling away the day at outdoor cafés. On the sidewalks of Athens, Marseilles, Milan, and Barcelona, you’ll see adult males—on the small side, sure, but by all other measures “grown-up”—doing nothing all afternoon but sipping espresso and reading newspapers/pornography. (The incredible thing about Europe is that, aside from soccer players and prostitutes, nobody else seems to have a job. If they do, they’re on strike.)

Then again, if you lived in Europe, you’d sit around drinking espresso all day too. The coffee is phenomenal. Even the skeeviest autostrada rest stop will serve you a perfect ristretto. Which is convenient, since coffee is about the only thing you can drink there if you don’t want to get plastered. Take it from me: There is nothing refreshing about anise-hazelnut soda.

It’s Surprisingly Cost-Effective

Europe gets flak for being expensive—and, granted, it can require a planeload of cash to get there in high season. But once you arrive, flying from Paris to Berlin costs less than a dinner and movie back home. Eighty cents will buy you the best baguette you’ve ever had. Wine is cheaper than orange juice. In many respects, Europe is a bargain. It’s just that the pricing structure is all back-assward, so things that ought to be affordable (a tank of gas; the London subway) cost an arm and a leg, while things that ought to be costly (tobacco; foie gras; health care) are dirt cheap or outright free.

So go on: smoke, drink, and gorge on foie gras with abandon. Join the throngs at a football match or a labor strike. Ogle topless pinups with impunity. Buy your-self a pair of pistachio-colored Italian sneakers. It’s Europe! Honestly, why go anywhere else?

+delightful little memory of mine sparked by the highlighted part of the article-there is a cafe across the platz from our apartment called Tachles and every Thursday they have jazz night, just one among many cool cultural offerings throughout the week at this eclectic, superbly decorated, staffed and managed cafe. In German a "j" is pronounced like a y...so when I ecstatically shared with Monika and Fr. Jacques that every Thursday there was a "yazz" night next door to us...they looked at me and laughed. "You mean, Jazz, right?" I replied that that was in fact the English way to say it, to which she responded that since Jazz was an authentic american contribution to the musical world, the pronunciation is always English. Ever since then, whenever we refer to this wonderful genre, they pay me a tribute/lovingly make fun of me and refer to it as "yazz". 

the latest

             I love tracing everything that happens in life in Austria back to its origin because it helps you realize how everything truly does happen for a reason...because God is just that big and powerful, and most of all such a loving provider.
             I have already told you about Bernhard and how he has been such a guardian angel of ours in Vienna. Well this chain of connections leading to the Lord providing more than I could have asked for, begins with him!
             The Thursday before I left Austria, I spent about 6 hours online doing all kinds of legal and flight research, on the phone with consulates and foreign ministries both in Austria and the US, and doing just about everything I could to inform my decision of when and how I needed to leave and could return to Austria. It was a difficult decision to make, knowing that I would have to be away from Austria from 1-3 months because of a stupid hiccup in my residence application process, but knowing its what I had to do, I confirmed all that I had learned and decided with Sr. Regina in Brooklyn and then booked my flight (roundtrip...guessing just when I would be allowed to return...i gave myself a month). The instant after I booked it (what I had decided to do was completely legal and by the books, but risky at the same time because the woman in the foreign ministry office warned me that sometimes border control officers make decisions by their own discretion), I sat back on the couch, closed my eyes, and said, "Ok God, I have and am working so hard to do this legally, morally, and in line with your will. So its all yours now...if you want me back here, you have to make this happen."
               It was 11pm and I was heading to adoration because I had been so busy with all the details that I hadn't made it to adoration yet. I called Monika for the code to the 24/7 chapel, and 7 minutes later she called me back with some news that brought me to tears. She had just gotten off the phone with Bernhard-she had called him after she got of the phone with me because she thought maybe he would have some advice. (Side note: The day I found out I would have to leave Austria, I was in the car with Monika driving to retreat and talking about the situation...I remember saying to her, 'I should just call Bernhard. He's probably best friends with someone who can clear all this up...I mean, come on...the Cardinal texts him.' We both laughed and I never called Bernhard because he was on a retreat in Rome) After Monika described the situation to him, Bernhard called--from Rome at 11 pm--a friend of his that works in the Foreign Ministry, who then told him to have me send all my paperwork and information and description of all that has happened first thing in the morning and that he would look it all over and do anything he could to help me. Bernhard told Monika to get the message to me of what to do the next morning, leaving her with this comment: "He's rather high up in the chain. If he can't do anything to make it possible for Mary to stay, no one can." I was so shocked that after entrusting the whole thing to God, He instantly sent me a little message...Don't worry, I know its in My Hands and I'll take care of everything from here! I went to adoration completely dumfounded at the providence of God.
                Looking over all my information, the friend of Bernhard said it was too late (I had 3 days left in my 90-days) to do anything to make it possible for me to stay, but he would directly call the consulate in Chicago and ensure that they would contact me to help me with anything once I got to Chicago. That was enough of a miracle for me!!
               Several days after arriving in Chicago, sure enough, I received an email...from the Consul himself. Exchanging plenty of email back and forth concerning the whole situation and what to do at this stage, he directed me to apply for a D visa that would be valid for 6 months...as soon as I got the visa I could return to Austria and there await my residence permit to go through. He couldn't guarantee a time range of how long the residence permit would take...but 6 months would surely be enough. And he would wave the 80 euro fee for applying, and I would be moved to the top of the pile (usually you have to wait 4 months to receive one of these visas).
                The next day I arrived at the consulate and spoke to a woman about the application, which she then told me was an impossibility because I had already been there on a tourist visa within the 6 month period...Austria doesn't give back back visas like that, much less it would mess up my application process for the residence permit. So frustrated I just said, well Mr. Milosits told me to come here and do this, so I don't know what to do. I waited while she then left to go consult someone behind the mysterious wall separating those in charge, from us poor helpless souls trying to get into Austria. When she returned she had the biggest smile on her face and with the most sympathetic voice she said, "Oh Ms. McGraw, I'm so sorry for everything you've experienced and had to go through. I'll take your papers and your visa will be printed on the next processing date. You should be able to return to Austria next week." Dumbfounded I turned in the papers and thanked her. WHAT! A WEEK!! MIRACLES.
                Since a roundtrip ticket between Austria and Chicago was cheaper to book, I had already booked my return trip to Austria for April 20th, so I will still be leaving on that date to return to Austria, WITH A VISA, and NO PROBLEMS IN SIGHT, to go wait for my residence permit for which I have finally gathered all the necessary documents and will be mailing this week! In the mean time, I have spent a weekend with my parents, enjoyed more quality time with Sadie, and will be going to spend 2.5 weeks in Brooklyn to work and live in community (aka continue living in mission instead of taking a months vacation...shucks haha) and hopefully have a little silent retreat time. Then I will return to Chicago for two days before FLYING BACK TO AUSTRIA!!!!!

Who knew 2 months ago that the twenty-something, tall, Austrian philosopher we met at Theology on Tap would be the instrument of so many of God's miracles for us...including but not limited to my ability to get back to Austria in the quickest way possible!


Being here has been amazing, and not just because it has been a nice little vacation.
1. begin here with Sadie has been amazing. Yes, it is overwhelming to be back in America so quickly and abruptly, to be thrown into the fast-paced and crazy lives of young adults in new jobs in a fantastic city, but it was been such a blessing to be welcomed so lovingly by Sadie and her amazing roommates and other wonderful friends here.
2. Speaking of her roommates...one is named Anna and graduated a year before Sadie from Depauw. She and I became quick friends and I absolutely adore her! And she NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS because a month or so ago, her mom was diagnosed with severe pancreatic cancer. She had already endured surgical removal of a large portion of the cancer, but is now in chicago to undergo chemotherapy. This experience is full of a lot of suffering for Anna's entire family, but especially for Anna for whom the worry is sometimes so straining and exhausting. Love and Suffering. Please pray for her little heart that she feels some peace in the prayers and support surrounding her, and also for a miracle that her mother may be cured from her cancer. Please, just pray that God's most adorable will me be done, and whatever trials and suffering it includes may be a strengthening experience of endurance and deepen the love that unites her family.
3. It was an absolute blessing, more than I could possibly deserve, to get to spend three whole days with my parents while they stopped in Chicago on their roadtrip from Florida to Wisconsin. I was a little worried that it would make it harder for me to be here in the US after seeing them and then missing them more, and even harder to return to Austria because I spent time with them and would be more homesick afterwards, but it turned out to be the opposite. Seeing them brought such peace and rest to my heart and soul. We got to talk in person and in depth about the life I've been living and what I need to take with me into the next 10 months, they were sounding boards for alot of issues or struggles that of course accompany a life of service, they were welcome arms that just held me (Ive missed hugs so much, or simply just lying your head on someones shoulder...just doesn't happen in Austria haha), they humored me as I dragged them to a french film called Of God's and Men (more on that later...you HAVE to see it) and the new modern wing of the Art Institute, they loved me and just enjoyed each others company. Theres nothing like parents. But, at the same time, the day they left, I was of course sad, but not that sad. I know Austria is where I am supposed to be. I am excited to go back and not sad or more homesick after watching my parents drive off. It is a deep peace I feel that even though I am far away from my family, we are all where we are supposed to be and worry, or loneliness, sadness, or homesickness are not in the cards...the hope and joy of doing the Lord's will is too permeating.

finally...details on crack.

(i wrote this several days before I found out I would have to leave Austria, but for some reason I never posted it. whoops)


well its about time, right. 

genau. 

i think this is a good time to write. 

we are officially living in the Offenez Herz-Wien apartment,

(although please still send mail to Monika...we're not sure how the mail works here yet)

and tonight will be our 4th night here. 

Fr. Jacques comes tomorrow...to stay, at least for 3 months. 

And a friend of ours, Klaudia, gave us an internet stick (for which she won't let us pay) so that we can have internet in the apartment until we get the wireless installed. (so amazingly generous)

so here we go...this is going to be the most sporadic, least aesthetically pleasing piece of writing, but at least its something. 

the past two months have been ridiculous. in one week, our lives completely flipped...we had something to do every afternoon and night of the week, not to mention fitting ion deutsch-lernen, and the four hours of prayer we have everyday. And no, this is not complaining. This is just me explaining, in the chance that you have never experienced this in your own life...unlikely, how God works through surprises. He is like a best friend everyday trying to come up with some ridiculous, exciting thing to surprise you with everyday, just to see you smile, cry because you're laughing so hard, or stun you because of how loved and how blessed you feel. 

That being said. As awesome as God is, as well as most of the people that we have met and befriended, and who have helped us tremendously along the way, the going hasn't been easy. Everyday brings its difficulties...and some days end with me thinking, "Ok, all those things I thought were bad really weren't that bad, life is good, God is good, and tomorrow is a new day." Then there are those other days that I am convinced YOUR PRAYERS and good thoughts are the only things that keep my feet from running to the nearest U-bahn, taking that to the airport, and getting the heck out of this entirely foreign world and back into mine. 

yet, 2 months (pretty much) since I last posted anything with substance, I am still here. Still having wonderful days, and difficult days. Still depending totally on God as well as your prayers, and not being let down in the least. Still trying my best to love every person I meet as much as they need, failing more than I would like, and trying again. Still trying to learn German, and getting better everyday. Trying to bring a little more humanity to the big city of Vienna and more God/Love to all its people, and falling more in love with the city and Austrians everyday. 

Our life is a school: Part 1

compared to most of my posts...this will be mostly to-the-point and concrete to fill you in on what seems like a years worth of experiences jammed into 2 months...

-this is for Bob Hogan (if you even read this...): On January 9th we went with Monika to the apartment of a friend of her's from Slovokia...Theresa...who just happens to be the sister of Dominika!...a girl I studied with in Gaming...and who Bob knows very well. Theresa says hi...and she mentioned more than once that she absolutely loves you and thinks you are one of the most wonderful people in the world. 

-Gemeinschaft Schule: an integral part of life in the community of Heart's Home (Offenes Herz) is called Gemeinschaft Schule (Community School)...it can be just for the community, or open to guests you invite, or created specifically for other people (for example, Fr. Paul in Brooklyn runs a School of Community once a week for a group of artists from the Brooklyn area). The School of Community was adopted from an Italian movement started by Luigi Giussani (a friend of our founder, Fr. Thierry) called Communion and LIberation. It is a time for catechesis and discussion...centered around an important text of the Church or a theological or philosophical text...which is read and discussed...and most importantly related to your life experience. The School of Community is first and foremost a school of life...every text that is read sheds light on some question that arises from daily life experiences (i.e. What is most important in your life, and how does that shape your actions, your daily experiences, your happiness and your despair) and then a very short talk is given by the leader of the school of community prompting discussion regarding personal experience or any questions you might have. I am explaining this so much (if you don't really understand it, I'm sorry...I didn't understand it until I actually participated in one) because it is a very important part of our life both in community and in mission in Vienna. We have started our own Offenes Herz Gemeinschaft Schule here in Vienna: Monika (or Fr. Jacques when he is here...more about him later) usually prepares a 10 minute talk to introduce the text and to lead everyone into a discussion  (oh, and yes, it is all in german), Maria-Elizabeth (the former Heart's Home missionary to Peru) is always present, but the rest of the people who join us have not been consistent for the three weeks we have had meetings, but hopefully we will begin to have a more solidified group. In any case, the discussion is always beautiful and it has been a great way to deepen our friendship with friends that share an interest in the Catholic faith. There is also a group from Communion and Liberation here in Vienna which has a Gemeinschaft Schule every Wednesday. Just two weeks ago, Pepe (the CL priest at the KHG...I'll explain that next) started the new semester of Gemeinschaft Schule for the students and any guests to the KHG on Luigi Giussani's most famous book, The Religious Sense. We try to attend this as much as we can-both to participate in the gemeinschaft schule, as well as to see all of our friends, and to work on our German. 

-Its like being back at Franciscan.....the KGH: Our connection to the KHG was obviously first through Monika (like everything in our lives) and through her friendship with the priest and university chaplain "Pepe" (a very deep and yet hilarious, 20-something-souled, chain-smoking, spanish CL priest) and quick friend of ours. The KHG is a Catholic living center for university students from various universities around Vienna studying here for either one semester, or the entire length of studies) where Pepe is the University chaplain. The first time we met these students, mostly Italians, was after the student mass in Stephansdom (organized by the students from the KHG) at a nearby pizzeria. This was only the beginning...now every Sunday after the evening mass (7pm) in Stephansdom we go out for "studenten-essen" with a huge group of the students from the KHG, from all different countries (Italy, Austria, Germany, Ukraine, Thailand, Hungary, etc.), studying everything from engineering to physical geography, to philosophy, and speaking all different languages (or many different pronunciations of German). We have become good friends with Thum (tom) a music student especially talented at the piano who has a constant and infectious smile, and a knack for keeping you constantly updated on the opera and symphony performances every week, including prices for standing tickets (usually around 2 euro). And then there is Judita, an Italian girl studying Theology (? I actually forget), and the first person on this side of the Atlantic to give me an honest to goodness HUG! (none of this cheek kissing nonsense haha). And then Carlotta, who reminds me a lot of Boettch (intimidating at first, and then you learn there is nothing to be intimidated by :) ), who speaks English really well and always wants to practice with me, loves fashion and shopping, and is studying something in the business sphere. And then there is Phillip from Germany who will be finished with his university studies in a month and will then enter the business world. He speaks English well...but with a southern/Texan accent that makes me instantly think of a cowboy and I laugh out loud at him every time I hear him say even one word in english. Then there is Roberta, another lovely Italian who sings her German (think of the Italian singing type of accent paired with german words), studies philosophy, and was one of the first CL students I got to know. Then there is Patrick who also comes from German, I forget what he studies, and never wants to move back to Germany because he loves Austria so much ( a huge surprise for me considering all the German pride I usually encounter). Then there is Raphael who comes from Austria, is a wonderful cook (one night Monika and I were invited to dinner in one of the student apartments after mass and adoration and Raphael and Samuel and another man cooked a wonderful fish dinner...but cooked the fish whole and then brought them to the table. After seeing one of the students extract the eyes, I couldn't eat much) and who I ran into one afternoon while walking home from the grocery store and then proceeded to take a 20 minute walk with me back to Monika's apartment because the grocery store bag had ripped and I needed help carrying them home. Elizabeth, whose mother is from Austria and father is from Manchester, England, I just met 2 weeks ago after Sunday mass and proceeded to become instant friends. She works in an advertising firm here in Vienna, speaks English very well, and 4 days ago came (along with two other friends) to help us paint the room in the apartment that we are preparing to be our chapel. Then of course, there are Pietro and Andrea...two amazing Italian men who have become like brothers for us! Andrea is an art student but already an accomplished painter. His work is extraordinary and his heart even more so. The second time we met him was when he was giving a presentation at the KHG on  the connection between Beauty and Truth, Art and Jesus Christ. He focused his presentation on a text by Cardinal Ratzinger which is one of my favorites (see the "treasure" section of my blog). I hope I will have so much more to tell you later in the life of this blog about Andrea, his amazing artistic talent, the beauty of his life and testimony, and the budding friendship between him and Offenes Herz. And then Pietro, another Italian with a heart of gold, a beautiful voice, very talented, guitar-playing hands, and a desire to have us involved in everything that goes on at the KHG. He is helping to lead the retreat that we are going on this weekend in Bratislava with Pepe and a lot of the people I've already mentioned, and which he personally made sure we would be going on. I guess you could say, this is God's little gift of friendship for us to experience in a mission in which we are living to give our friendship to others. 

+short note: presentation by Andreas on Cardinal Ratzinger's (Pope Benedict XVI) article on Beauty and Truth. I especially loved two thoughts and thought you might like to hear them : 1. Beauty is always painful, it is a wound of desire. 2. The difference between true beauty-that which makes us transcend ourselves and leads us to search for something greater-and the false beauty, that which incites man's egoism, incites his will to power and possession...once you start to try to grasp, possess, control, lord over beauty, it begins to die. 

So many friends: Apart from all these new friends in the KHG, there is Wei Wei...the best friend of Monika who is fully Austrian, but of Chinese heritage, is an up-and-coming fashion designer in Vienna who is preparing to open her own store in the 1st district in a couple of months (although it will feature not her own work, but the one of a kind functional art (clothing, jewelry, interior design, etc.) of her friends/colleagues..."Meine Kollegen"), hardly ever sleeps, and is an amazingly sweet person. Also there is Maria-Bella, a beautiful half-peruvian Austrian who is a friends of Monika's and now a friends of ours who we frequently run into in mass in Stephansdom and have dinner or coffee with usually every week. There is also Klaudia, a polish engineering student who will hopefully be moving to Graz next year to go to Austrian Airlines flight school. Her parents own a paint shop in Poland and have helped us tremendously in figuring out what to do in order to take care of the old walls of this apartment and have given us a lot of painting equipment and paint pigment. In fact, Klaudia was just here this afternoon helping us finish up painting the chapel as a surprise for Fr. Jacques when he arrives tomorrow. Klaudia is also the one that is making this blog post possible through the internet she donated to us until we get our wireless working. (there are so many more friends...but you're probably bored already because descriptions of people aren't really that great unless you eventually get to meet the people...so im going to stop now)

-Monika and the Holy Spirit: So Monika's english gets better everyday and I get so excited every time she comes to the same mass as us because then I have my very own translator! We joke because she thinks she is a horrible translator, but truly I am almost brought to tears at every homily she translates because it turns out to be just exactly what I need to hear at that moment in the day, week, mission, life. Even if she isn't translating exactly right according to the language, she is always translating (with a little help from the Holy Spirit) what exactly my heart needs to hear. It is truly a miracle. This was especially true in January when my German was so horrible and the reality of what I was doing here and how long I would be here was just sinking in (talk about homesickness). Now, I can speak German well enough and understand even better and last week was the first time I understood an entire homily without a translation! 

-The Legionaries are in Austria too! : So in that first week back in January when life all the sudden got crrrazy one of the evenings was spent at Theologie von Fass (the Austrian version of Theology on Tap, the Regnum Christi apostolate for young adults). The Auxiliary Bishop of Vienna was there to give a talk on 'Testimony: The Mission of the Christian Life" (I definitely just made that title up, but it adequately sums up the theme). It was a very interesting talk (thanks to the translation of Monika) and it was a great chance to be introduced to Fr. George (the Legionare priest in Vienna) and Esther (one of the 2 consecrated woman in the Vienna area with Regnum Christi). But most of all, it was here that we met a young man that quickly became one of our greatest friends here in Vienna and through whom the Lord has given us so many gifts and suprises--Bernhard. 

-Bernhard: Bernhard is what we (Monika, Alina, and I)  "Ein Echt Österreicher"--a genuine Austrian. He is always on time, always presentable and usually well-dressed, very clean, very polite, well connected to many spheres of society, and very good at planning. But learning all of this has only come with time. The first time we met was after Theologie von Fass, which he is the director of, and we met him through, of course, Monika. Over New Years, Monika went on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and on the 12 hour bus ride there, she sat next to a stranger, who just happened to be Bernhard. Monika made sure we went to Theologie von Fass because there would be a man there who absolutely loves America and everything American, speaks English really well, and studies Philosophy--so of course I had to meet him. It turns out that he does speak English very well, and lived for some time in the States and loves America, but quickly discovered while living there that he is "Ein Echt Österreicher" and could only really spend the rest of his life living in Austria. Turns out that more specifically than Philosophy, we are also connected by a similar scholastic love--the philosophy of Dietrich von Hildebrand. This month, Bernhard is beginning his doctoral thesis and will be writing on some topic revolving around the political, anti-nazi papers and philosophy of community of Dietrich von Hildebrand. Thanks to the openness and generosity of my former professor Dr. Crosby (my fav. at Franciscan), whose email address I gave to Bernhard, Bernhard will now be writing his thesis under the direction of Dr. Josef Seifert, a philosopher himself, as well as one of Dietrich's best friends. And he will be writing this while he is working both in German during the week and Vienna on the weekends (beginning after Easter), so please keep his work and studies in your prayers. But that is not all...Bernhard has also asked us to be involved in the planning and organization of Theologie von Fass as an avenue through which to meet people looking for some sense of community and way to grow deeper in their faith. The first planning meeting we went to for the new semester was in Bernhard's old apartment (he just moved about 2 weeks ago) and when we were getting ready to leave after the meeting, Bernhard pulled us aside and right then and there told us he wanted to donate almost all of his furniture (beautiful, practically new, mostly Ikea), stereo, lamps, kitchen appliances to the new Heart's Home apartment. We were flabbergasted. And so now, as I sit in our living room...my feet are resting on the table he gave us, i'm listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata out of his surround sound stereo system, my notes are illuminated by his lamps, and we will be eating breakfast tomorrow morning on the kitchen table he gave us and then lunch on the dining room table he gave us...oh and I am sitting on the leather couch that he arranged for his cousin to donate to us. Amazing right. He is truly a Godsend to us...helping us from everything from furniture moving, figuring out which cell phone company to use, how to get internet and a landline in the new apartment, etc. I have no idea what we would be doing here in Vienna without him...but that is the amazing thing about God's surprises...They're just always THAT PERFECT that life couldn't be better in any other way. 

-I'm a teacher: Once a week I teach english to a little girl named Jessica. Her parents are from Poland and have been living in Vienna for 20 years--Irena and Slawomir. The first time I met them, I went to their house to babysit Jessica, she is 9 but looks 13 and is as tall as me, while her parents went out dancing with friends. Irena and Slaw (pronounced Slav) were so welcoming and an immediate friendship began to bud between Irena and I. We talked for a while, getting to know each other, before they went out and then we enjoyed a brunch together the next morning...well, more like lunch because it was at 12, because Irena and Slav didn't get back from their night on the down until 5am (its as if they're still in college of something!). At lunch Irena asked me if I would be interested in tutoring Jessica in English because they want her to learn an authentic accent and have an opportunity to practice what she is learning in school. After consulting Fr. Jacques and Alina, I began to tutor Jessica once a week in English. She is full of energy when she comes over to the Heart's Home apartment, ready to play several games of hide-and-seek throughout the hour we spend together, and always begging for tea that she never even drinks and a little after school snack. Somehow in the mix of it all, we do get to practice english...because I try to only converse with her in english...she is actually very good even though she is so young. It is also a wonderful opportunity for me to practice my german because as I teach her new words or american ways of saying things, I have to explain or define the terms in german. She is only 9...tutoring can't be that serious and book oriented...so I have to get creative before she starts to get completely uninterested in english. The time before last I taught her how to play Go FISH! which is her new favorite things to do. She even taught her father! So when I say "I tutor" I really mean I play hide and go seek and Go FISH with a 9 year old who has really no interest in learning english, but is starving for friendship. Why starving? Well, I am sure she has wonderful friends at school and she has already told me so much about her neighbors and her best friends that she goes on vacation with, and she definitely does not lack love from her parents...she is an only child, constantly showered with love and affection. So, it seems absurd that I would say "starving", but every week she cannot wait to leave (despite not being interested in english), and she begs her mom to let her come more than once a week. She gives me hugs sporadically while we are hanging out, and the last time I taught her, her mom had to pull her away from me because she wouldn't let me go when her mom came to pick her up. It is a beautiful mystery why she loves me so much (she writes me notes when we are playing Go Fish usually consisting of, 'Dear Mary. I love to come here. You are fun. I love you. Jessica'), but I just smile, hug her back, and thank God for bringing this little family in my life. THe mission pervades our lives...even our work...Jessica craves love and I am here in Vienna to give just that.

-Apartment: today is the 3rd day we are sleeping in the apartment. Its dirty, but I am starting to like it this way. Its as clean as it needs to be. We've almost completely painted the chapel. more updates soon because the renovators and people from the bank have been paying us many visits. 

-Fr. Jacques has come, and will come again...tomorrow.

to be holy: morning reflections

little treats I found while doing my morning meditation today:

1.

from On Saints and Saintliness, Part II by Blessed John Henry Newman,

(speaking of his distinction of two types of Saints based on their external dispositions)

              On the other hand, there are those, and of the highest order of sanctity too, as far as our eyes can see, in whom the supernatural combines with nature, instead of superseding it, --invigorating it, elevating it, ennobling it; and who are not the less men, because they are saints. They do not put away their natural endowments, but use them to the glory of the Giver; they do not act beside them, but through them; they do not eclipse them by the brightness of divine grace, but only transfigure them. They are versed in human knowledge; they are busy in human society; they understand the human heart; they can throw themselves into the minds of other men; and all this in consequence of natural gifts and secular education. While they themselves stand secure in the blessedness of purity and peace, they can follow in imagination the ten thousand aberrations of pride, passion, and remorse. They world is to the them a book, to which they are drawn for its own sake, which they read fluently, which interests them naturally, --though, by reason of the grace that dwells within them, they study it and hold converse with it for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. Thus they have the thoughts, feelings, frames of mind, attractions, sympathies, antipathies of other men, so far as these are not sinful, only they have these properties of human nature purified, sanctified, and exalted; they are only made more eloquent, more poetical, more profound, more intellectual, by reason of their being more holy. 

...it just makes you want to be holy doesn't it

2. 

Let us be wholly absorbed by grace, from a homily by Pseudo-Marcarius

Inside us is evil at work suggesting unworthy inclinations. However, it is not in us in the same way as, to take an example, water mixes with win. Evil is in us without being mixed with good. We are a field in which wheat and weeds are growing separately. We are a house in which there is a thief, but also the owner. We are a spring which rises from the middle of the mud, but pours out pure water. All the same, it is enough to stir up the mud and the spring is fouled. It is the same with the soul. If the evil is spread, it forms a unity with the soul and makes it dirty. With our consent, evil is united with the soul; they become accomplices. Yet there comes a moment when the soul can free itself and remain separate again; in repentance, contrition, prayer, recourse to God. The soul could not benefit from these habits if it were always sunk in evil. It is like marriage. A woman is united with a man and they become one flesh. But when one of them dies, the other is left alone. But union with the Holy Spirit is complete. So let us become a single spirit with him. Let us be wholly absorbed by grace. 

3. 

from a sermon by Peter Chrysologus, 

(a meditation on the reading from today's Vespers)

"I appeal to you by the mercy of God." This appeal is made by Paul, or rather, it is made by God through Paul, because of God's desire to be loved rather than feared, to be a father rather than a Lord. God appeals to us in his mercy to avoid having to punish us in his severity. 

Listen to the Lord's appeal: In me, I want you to see your own body, your members, your heart, your bones, your blood. You may fear what is divine, but why not love what is human? You may run away from me as the Lord, but why not run to me as your father? Perhaps you are filled with shame for causing my bitter passion. Do not be afraid. This cross inflicts a mortal injury, not on me, but on death. These nails no longer pain me, but only deepen your love for me. I do not cry out because of these wounds, but through them I draw you into my heart. My body was stretched on the cross as a symbol, not of how much I suffered but of my all-embracing love. I count it no loss to shed my blood: it is the price I have paid for your ransom. Come then, return to me and learn to know me as your father, who repays good for evil, love for injury, and boundless charity for piercing wounds. 

...

Paul says: "I appeal to you by the mercy of God to present your bodies as a sacrifice, living and holy." The prophet said the same thing: "Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but you have prepared a body for me." Each of us is called to be both a sacrifice to God and his priest. Do not forfeit what divine authority confers on you. Put on the garment of holiness, gird yourself with the belt of chastity. Let Christ be your helmet, let the cross on your forehead be your unfailing protection. Your breastplate should be the knowledge of God that He Himself has given you. Keep burning continually the sweet-smelling incense of prayer. Take up the sword of the Spirit. Let your heart be an alter. Then, with full confidence in God, present your body for sacrifice. God desires not death, but faith; God thirsts not for blood, but for self-surrender; God is appeased not by slaughter, but by the offering of your free-will.

have a wonderful day. 

p.s. this blog is going to undergo a tsunami of its own today...so if you're feeling bored and feel like browsing blogs...check back for a plethora of updates coming your way today. pax. 

city hopping: welcome to the desert

last week was not stressful at all. so thats why I have had so much time to keep you updated on everything going on, respond to so many emails, etc. 

(sarcasm obvi)

after countless hours of internet research, visits to the Vienna magistrat and the US consulate, phone conversations with the various consulates and departments of foreign ministry in Vienna, plane ticket searching, and so forth...I boarded a plane to Chicago. 

To give you the lowdown:

When you are a US citizen, you are allowed to travel to the Schengen land (pretty much all of Europe...not Great Britain or Ireland) as a visitor/tourist without a visa for 90 days within 180 days...that means that in a time period of 6 months you can be in this area for 3 months time that is not necessarily consecutive. Understanding this before I left, I turned in all the paperwork in Chicago that was necessary for my application for a residence permit (a permit that would allow me to reside in Austria for 12 months) and with these positive words from the woman in the Austrian Consulate, "Ok, you have everything turned in that you need and your application is complete, now you just have to wait to hear word that your residence permit has been granted and is waiting for you to pick up in the Magistrat in Vienna," I booked my flight to go to Austria and use these 90 days to wait for the granting of my residence permit. 

Almost a week before my 90 days were up, I paid a visit to the Magistrat in Vienna because I hadn't heard one word from them concerning the progress of my residence permit application. If I stay longer than my 90 visa-free days in Austria, a tourist faces serious consequences when they are caught at the boarder of the Schengen land, trying to leave. It doesn't matter how long you stay over your 90 days...if you are over that time at all, you have been living in the Schengen land illegally and you can be fined and banned from the Schengen land for a period of months to a period of years! (not a punishment I was interested in receiving). Upon meeting with the man at the Magistrat, I received news that completely contradicted the words of the woman in the Consulate in Chicago before I left. This man informed me that, "It is good that you are here today because you filled out the wrong application in Chicago, and you are also missing several documents, and another couple of documents are not valid in Austria in the way you have turned them in. So you need to fix all these problems before we can finish the decision making process as to whether to give you a residence permit or not." 

Now, if I had learned this a month before, there would have been no problem...I could get the necessary papers sent from America, complete my application, and all would be smooth sailing. But, with a week left in my legal time in Austria, all the work I needed to do as well as the time the Magistrat may take to approve or deny my residence permit would take more than a week...and I would have to leave Austria, go back to America and gather all the documents I was missing, send them to Austria, and await the decision about my permit. If it is the case that my permit is granted, I would have to come back to Austria to pick it up...but if I have already exhausted my 90 days within this 6 month period...I cannot just enter Austria to pick it up...I would have to apply for another visa, only after receiving word about my residence permit, which could then take another 3 months to process (potentially), and with that visa be able to enter Austria just to pick up my permit that validates my residence there for a year. COMPLICATED. 

THANK GOD...in the middle of all this stress and disappointment, Hana had her "thinking cap" on and figured out that since the 90 days don't have to be consecutive, the sooner I leave Austria, the more days I have left in the 90 days and with those days left, after receiving word that I have a residence permit waiting for me in Austria to pick up, I can use those extra days to re-enter Austria just to pick up the permit. 

So...Saturday, 2 days before my three month mark, I flew from Vienna to London, then from London to Chicago (with an amazing, SUPRISE upgrade to business class...complete with a chair that becomes a bed, champagne as soon as you board the plane, noise cancelling headphones, a menu from which to order your meal, a private tv to name just a few of the complementary amenities), and landed in Chicago just in time to catch the drunken leftovers of a Chicago St. Patrick's day. IM HOME. 

1st hop: Chicago

I am staying with Sadie--dearest cousin and bestie that agreed to share her bed with her homeless missionary cousin. 

I am busy on the phone with Wisconsin State departments, Austrian Consulates, etc. trying to get all the paperwork done to complete my application for my residence permit correctly this time (even though I thought it was complete three months ago...thank you Austria). 

I will be here for a week or so...as long as it takes me to complete everything. 

And then I will bid the midwest "aufwiedersehen" 

and catch a flight to Brooklyn.

2nd hop: Brooklyn

I will await the decision of the Austrian Magistrat regarding my residence permit while living and working in the Heart's Home in Brooklyn. 

I am hoping it wont be more than a month that I have to wait. I have a flight already booked back to Austria on April 20th just in time for Easter celebrations. 

3rd hop: Vienna (cross your fingers and pray hard)

Ok, yes I know that my residence permit could be denied...but all I can do (and I ask you to do) is pray that God makes possible all that He wants for me. And if that be living in Vienna and continuing my mission there...I will be heading back to Vienna with two days left in my 90 days to sweet talk the boarder control guards, convincing them not to be suspicious that I am trying to enter Austria as a tourist with only two days left to be there legally, and then to go straight to the Magistrat to pick up my residence permit and legally reside in Austria for 12 months. 

So thats the deal.

What is pretty cool is that when I booked my ticket I just randomly picked April 20th as my return date...and Expedia calculated it and told me that the time I would be spending in the US would be 40 nights. 

Im going into the desert with Jesus. 

Last night in St. Michael's Catholic Church in Old Town Chicago (my new fav in the city!), the priest gave an amazing homily and I wanted to share the golden points with you:

Welcome to the Desert

Christ, filled with, lead by, driven by the Holy Spirit

entered the desert 

not to eat or drink for 40 days and nights

and then in the end 

to be tempted by the Devil in three ways. 

Isaiah says that we must go into the desert because it is there that the Lord will speak to the heart...but not without the temptations of the Devil to not listen to what God is trying to say to us. 

Christ went into the desert after His baptism to be intimately with the Father and the Holy Spirit and to figure out who He is, what He is doing and what His future and mission is. For these reasons, searching for the answers to these questions He fasted. To purify Himself. To empty Himself in order to listen and discover. 

3 questions are integral in this self-discovery--which is really a discovery that comes solely from opening yourself up to the Lord speaking to your heart. 

1.What will satisfy this hunger I experience?

2. Does God love me?

3. If I seek control and power in my daily life and in my goals and dreams, why am I seeking this control and power? What will I do with this control and power?

After the 40 days of fasting, Christ was then tempted by the Devil in three ways, all grounded in the statement: "If you are the Son of God", all grounded in the answer to the question-Who am I? The three temptations correspond to the three questions integral to the self-discovery...integral to Christ answering the questions tied up in living the human experience of discovering who He really is. 

1. "If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread." 

(what will satisfy this hunger? something material that I can provide for myself, something that I have to worry about and strive in any way I can in order to obtain? or the Word of God (commandments, truth, etc)?)

2. "If You are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: He will command his angels concerning you and with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.

(Does God love me? Can He prove it? Where is He right now? Will He help me in this?)

3. "All these I shall give to you (all the kingdoms of the world), if you will prostrate yourself and worship me." 

(How much do I want control and power? Do I want it to serve myself or to serve God?)

GO TO THE DESERT:

we are faced with these questions (all as parts of the one question of who we really are) in the beginning of this time in the desert in order to have confidence, despite our weakness, throughout. 

We must go into the desert to let God speak to our hearts and to figure out who we really are. 

Then in response to these questions that we are asking in these 40 days we must look at our answers...for those answers will either be our success or demise when facing the very real temptations that await us. 

Simply, the answers to these questions that you find in your time in the desert answer the fundamental question: WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR LIFE IN EVERY LITTLE THING YOU DO?

we all need time to step back. to ask who we are. what we are doing. 

to reevaluate a little bit. to take accounts. 

to be intimate with the Holy Spirit and to be purified and re-organize our life and our focus a little better.