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the day I left Vienna, Austria...
woke up early to pray Laudes and have breakfast with Fr. Jacques and Alina
and the table was set for company with a gorgeous spread for breakfast.
Alina of course had one last surprise gift in store for me before I boarded that plane back to the US, trying to have a smile and trust in what God was doing with my life by taking me away for some time
Alina had arranged with some of the Italians from the KHG to come have breakfast with us before I left. 10 minutes before Hana and Matthias came to pick me up to take me to the airport, Andrea, Carlotta, Judita, Pietro, Paulo arrived at the door, groggy and obviously having made quite a sacrifice to come to the apartment to say goodbye.
It meant so much to me that they would go to the trouble. I couldn't actually find the words to explain how grateful my heart was. Simply being in their presence sets my heart at ease. The friendship that brings 5 friends to your house so early just to have breakfast and say goodbye...there are really no words to describe what I am trying to put my heart into describing.
I wanted to cry but it was a weird feeling. My heart was so overcome with the pain of having to leave, the joy simply of spending the last few minutes (at least for a while) in the Heart's Home with these other hearts that had also become each individual homes for me. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to cry only because maybe then I could show them how much it meant to me...their friendship, their openness, their support and love and prayers.
After 5 minutes of sharing some breakfast, I said a quick goodbye to everyone, as well as the Sisters of the Lamb who came to the door to say goodbye. Hugged Fr. Jacques and Alina quickly and jumped in the car with Hana and Matthias. Weird. I was leaving.
Checking in at the airport went smoothly. As I turned around, finished with all those practical issues, and ready to search for a place to have a cup of coffee with Hana and Matthias before going through security, I was beyond surprised to find a familiar face. It was the face of Irena, the mother of Jessica-the little girl I tutor in english. She had driven the 45 minutes to the airport just to say goodbye to me for 2 minutes!!! As Irena explained, Jessica and Slaw (pronounced Slav) were playing volleyball, so Irena came alone to wish me a good trip and to give me a little gift from Jessica. She handed me a bright pink, purple and green gift bag. Inside, my little student had stuffed some milka, a stuffed, bright pink and purple alien looking animal, and a letter--which turned out to be "The three little kittens" english nursery rhyme which she had written for me in english. Really, Irena came with the gift, and a plethora of kisses, a few hugs, and a "Tschussi" that left my heart overflowing at the thoughtfulness of this woman, friend, polish mutti.
then Hana and Matthias and I got coffee. Talking, laughing, in german and english. Simple time with friends that have become family.
only as I was walking through security after having spent 45 minutes drinking coffee with the two of them, spending my last minutes in Vienna saying goodbye to them and seeing them wave me through security...
to take their time to take me to the airport,
to sit and talk when they have so many other things to do (writing thesis, meetings with bosses and professors, getting together with friends, etc.)
you know what I have found to be the greatest treasure in a friend...
in a world that is constantly
hurrying
chaotic
a million things to do
people to talk to
etc.
...
to spend time with someone
to talk
love
without feeling like a burden.
To feel for that time together
as if nothing else exists in the world.
That is what it means to be present
to give time, to give yourself.
and to recognize the gift of someone, of their time.
it is not a loan, until something better comes along.
there is no indian giving, as we learned when we were little kids.
it is a gift--fully and selflessly given--in which you are wholly submersed and available to the other. Time, attention is given without reserve or regret. And to be assured you are not making their lives worse by taking this gift, by taking their time.
for souls to be available and giving themselves to one another
and to be free from the feeling of being a burden
When we were having coffee, Matthias had a phone call.
Hana takes the moment to turn to me, hug me, and say, "Mary, I am proud of you."
of course, I respond..."Why on Earth!?
I open my eyes every morning and see what I have here, what Alina and I have here, what God has given us and Heart's Home in its infancy. I see all the people that helped us get here and whose prayers, good thoughts, and material help urge us on. To see all the people I have met here in Vienna, who no matter what they do, where they live, where they come from, what they wear, what they eat, etc....have taught me what it is to love, to be present.
And this teaching is the act of giving love itself,
that has raised this reality of infinite debt in my heart.
I will be returning to Vienna in 1/2 month.
I have to...because I have so much to learn. I thirst for more love lessons, and I thirst for more chances to attempt to repay this debt I feel....but in reality is insatiable and unable to be repaid.
Deep cries to deep.
I have been given a deep love, which has ignited inside of me the burning awareness of an infinite debt for this gift. I have to give love back, to show them what they have done for me, meant to me, meant to me....yet every time I try to show them, try to reciprocate this love, the infinitude of this love, and thus this depth is more and more revealed to me--my desire to love them increases every moment and I make no headway in the repayment. As much as I try to love more, I find myself in need to give more and more.
And this is what connects us....that is why every person who touches your life in this way has a place in your heart always. We are never finished loving. Never. He can never love enough and thus, we are always thirsty, always yearning.
It is not a thirst of poverty.
It is a thirst of abundance.
It is a thirst that is a sign of wealth, of touching with your fingertips the greatest treasure.
When love is genuine, it is an inability to settle accounts, to repay debts. It is an experience of finding yourself poor, and that is the greatest wealth. You can never love enough. This pain of inability is the greatest joy. Without this pain, you are not truly human. You have never truly loved. You are the poorest.
What is this thirst? -this experience in loving others? -this pain, more than proof that we were created for eternity?
Time.
To give time is a great gift. A great pain is to be confided by time when our souls long for infinitude. More time is never enough, it is an ageless gift, never losing a bit of its worth or preciousness.
In German...it is always "auf wiedersehen"
that means "see again"
because our only hope lies in the eternity our souls were destined for.
the eternity that was written on our hearts
the eternity we are all striving for.
to be given time and be assured that you are not a burden. that the time was not begrudgingly given or a judgment of worth made and time given in proportion to the worth judged.
when the person is truly seen. when the person has infinite worth and is given infinite time. when the person offers himself to the other with some sense of infinitude.
what a treasure.
Time is worth in our modern day.
GIVE TIME
Wasn't that what Christ did when He stopped to talk to, heal, visit those people who dared to cry out to him when he was crowded on all sides, when he seemed busy, seemed on the way to something. The people with faith still cried out for TIME...still cried out for WORTH. Which is exactly what Christ came here to give.
to me that is the secret
of friendship
of love
of the EUCHARIST.
thank you for all of you in my life,
in the USA
in Austria
all over the world
who have taught me this.
i am forever indebted to you.
1 comment:
Danke!!!!
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