my own symphony

It's hard to believe that one year ago I lived my first Christmas away from my family and friends, but as a part of a whole new spiritual family. 

New Year's as well. It's hard to believe what has taken place in these past 12 months--both in my world and in me. 

But, although a little delayed for actual Christmastime, I got to celebrate this milestone in my life with the joy of receiving my parents and brother on the 27th of December for a 2 week visit. We spent four days together in Vienna--allowing me to share my life, friendships, home, community, chaos, beauty, city, love--here in my everyday, but far from tedious, surroundings. 

The "vorfreude" or the anticipation and excitement hit about a week before their arrival. It was almost more than I could bear....sleeping was seldom and I just replayed over and over in my mind the greeting we could get to have in the Airport. Monika offered to drive me to the airport and pick my family, and their sure to be immense amount of luggage, up at the airport.  She was so excited to share this moment with me....to see the reaction of an American at the airport...something she had only seen in movies before. Let just say, I didn't let her down...it all happened so fast...suddenly they were there and I screamed and ran into the place where you aren't supposed to run (Monika bet me that I would do that, but I assured her I would be composed and follow the rules) We hugged, introduced, talked, hugged some more, and smiled the whole way back to Heart's Home, with George riding with Monika in her car with most of the luggage, and my mom and dad and I taking a taxi---yes....too much luggage to fit into one car. We got to the Heart's Home and made more introductions, sat and talked about the trip, home, the plan for the day, how tired they were, etc. To keep them from falling asleep we decided to go for a walk. While Mathilde stayed home and cooked, and Fr. Clemens and Fr. Jacques got some work done, I took my little family on a walk through my neighborhood--Augarten, Karmelitermarkt, Karmeliterkirche. Just walking and talking about life. 

It was a very surreal feelings--the clashing of my two worlds. It is as if we haven't been apart. It is as if my heart hasn't been longing...it just feels right. The ones I love are here. But underlying it all is a certain, inexplicable and never before felt comfort, a belonging. This isn't just a stop-over. This is my life. and finally its receiving some of the physical synthesis it deserves, even though all the while unity has been preserved through prayer. 

We spent the whole day with the community (sadly, except Alina...she was babysitting for a friend of ours that day). They were so attentive and it was really special for me.  Mathilde made a beautiful lunch to which Hana and Matthias were invited, two other really important people in my life here from the beginning.  They got to meet my parents for the first time and so George again. Hana is really so dear and both Hana and Matthias are such loving, thoughtful and selfless people. I hold them so dear and how welcoming and supportive and true friends they have been and continue to be in this experience. Matthias drove us back to the hotel so that my parents and brother could have time to re-coup, shower, and clean up. Returning to the house, Fr. Jacques gave a presentation on his favorite artist--Hundertwasser and then walked with us to the KunstHaus--or the Hundertwasser Haus--praying the rosary on our walk along the Donau canal (Danube) on the way there. 

After the museum we hurried back to the house where Monika had prepared an Austrian feast to welcome my family!  My poor family was so tired and the dinner was so good but they had to leave even before dessert. Monika and I brought them back to the hotel and on the way home, speaking to Monika--

I felt so strongly such a profound happiness. not because my family had arrived, because they had experienced so much already, etc. It was a happiness of gratitude, a profound gratitude that cannot be described in words, for the openness of my family, as well as this new family of mine. To see my parents and their love next to and mingled with the love of my community and for the first time to really be able to stop and realize the love which my comunity has for me which they showed so vividly in the way they interacted with and served my family.  Usually i'm too busy scampering around so anxious,  wanting to make sure everything is perfect, everyone is happy, etc. But this time, there was something different. There was a joy. There was such a peace, such a new look of love that I have learned in being here--simply to be present, to serve without anxiety but with the calm of loving someone just how they are and in whatever they want and need. No pressure. no expectations. To let go and love. and in letting go I got to sit back, with them, and experience the joy of sharing this life and love of my community and allowing my two families to discover one another, open to one another, and in me open a peace of unity. 

The next two days we spent time as a family with the community, celebrating the mass together ( in English, me...forgetting all the responses and songs), having prayer time, eating together, and visiting friends that had either invited us over or who I especially wanted to introduce my family to. 

The first day, mom and dad arrived at 7:30 for mass, followed by adoration. George was sick with a stomach flu and stayed in bad all day--I was really sad he had to miss this time to discover my life here...but so it is. For lunch we were invited to Nazli and Saima's! 

Afterwards we went to check on George at the hotel, and then made our way to the Atelier of a friend of ours, Clemens Fuchs. He had invited my parents over to see his studio and to have tea with him and his father. Both Clemens and Michael are talented painters, who with their grandfather Ernst Fuchs, form a family line of talented and famous Austrian classical painters. Michael was born in Paris but grew up in America with his Russian/Jewish mother and obtained citizenship in America--so both Michael and Clemens are American citizens, and speak fluent English with wonderful American accents. We had some great conversation about art, politics, religion, philosophy, traveling, while drinking tea and soaking in the artistic surroundings--walls covered with Clemens' paintings. 

Michael then drove us back to the hotel where we checked on George one more time and had a drink before heading to the Heart's Home for dinner. Tomoko and Keiko were coming over for dinner to meet my parents, and we also had two other French guests visiting--Thibaul and Michele. 

After dinner, we had the delight of Tomoko playing for us!!!

The next day, George flew out at 7 for Antibes, France....off to visit Raphy, his best friend, for the New Year's Holiday--it was a huge let down for me to not be able to really share my life and the people who are so important to me in Vienna with him, but I knew that he was going where he wanted and needed to be. So that made me happy. 

In the morning we celebrated mass for Mom and Dad's 29th wedding anniversary!! Afterwards, we spent some time in adoration, spent the afternoon in a cafe eating gulash and drinking coffee, and shopping! We were invited to my Austrian mom's house for dinner--a night I had been looking forward to for a long time! Finally my family was going to meet Agnes and have dinner in my home away from home. It turned out to be such a beautiful evening...my heart simply bursting. It was simple, beautiful, comfortable, homey. After a delicious dinner with the whole Bredl family, Agnes  (my Austrian mom) and Martin, my parents and I, and sometimes one of Agnes and Martin's children (who are all around my age) spent time just hanging out and talking in the living room. Just comfortable. My heart at peace! 

The next day we had a culture day--we went to mass, to visit a museum, ate a little something , ran some errands, and then in the evening Hana met us for dinner at "Zum Schwarzen Kameel" (im convinced it is one of the best places to eat in Vienna) followed by Beethoven's 9th Symphony in The Wiener Konzerthaus. The funniest/worst part of the night--we had so much fun at dinner we were running late to the concert. We thought---o surely, there won't be a problem. either they'll just let us in and we'll find our seats, or they will let us in at the next pause between movements so that we don't disturb anyone. THAT WAS NOT THE CASE. We were 15 minutes late to one of the greatest symphonys that was written WITHOUT PAUSES. Turns out that even though our seats were empty and in a wonderful position in the gorgeous concert hall, we were forced to STAND in the back of the balcony the ENTIRE symphony. We definitely learned our lesson....and Mom's New Year's Resolution was decided: Stop being late to things. 

It wasn't the most enjoyable way to experience such beautiful music...and I'm not going to hide it...it was rather infuriating....so afterwards we headed back to the Möet Champagne bar in our hotel for a couple glasses of Champagne to take the edge off and finish the night off in a good mood :) 

On the 31st we spent the morning in mass, followed by a trip to Schönbrunn Palace and the Christmas Market that had been turned into a New Year's Market and was the only Market still standing after the holidays--but still an element of the Austrian holidays I wanted Mom and Dad to take part of! 

We drank Glühwein, 

At pretzels

and just walked around...

That night we celebrated New Year's with Heart's Home. A friend of the community's, Monika Schwarzer, invited us to her apartment where she has a special event space architecturally styled in ancient romanesque style and purely lit by candles and the glow of the wood-burning fireplace. My community hosted a New Year's Cultural and Theological Retreat weekend for those who wanted to visit Vienna from another country or who were from Vienna and wanted to experience Vienna during New Year's in a new way. I didn't take part because I was with my family, so I can't describe really what it was like, but I can explain that it is a fantastic weekend--Fr. Jacques gives lectures and there is time for prayer, mass, and adoration everyday, but then you are also visiting museums--with private tours from Viennese artists who are friends of ours, going to the opera--with a talk beforehand about the Opera you will see and telling you things that help you not only visit the opera but go deeper into the particular piece you are seeing, eating together, talking, sharing lives, etc. 

On New Years, Monika invited my community and the 13 people who came to this weekend retreat, as well as me and my family and some other friends from Vienna to her house to celebrate the eve of 2012! Surrounded by the cozy ambiance of candlelight, we enjoyed delicious food (cooked by Monika Schwarzer, Monika Haas, and Alina), and even a concert from Tomoko and a friend she brought and introduced us to, Frau Hattori, who played with Tomoko on her Stradivarius! That was followed by watching fireworks in the street, toasting to champagne, dancing the waltz, and simply enjoying the first moments of the New Year's together! 

My mom starting having severe back pain the night before and all during the day, so she opted not to come. We had a glass of champagne before dad and I went to join the community at Monika's, and sadly we had to leave mom behind at the hotel. 

as I stood holding my father's hand on the Viennese street watching the bundles of fireworks rise and explode amidst the rising buildings of the city, I couldn't help my stand in awe and gratitude for the beauty--not of the fireworks, the evening, or being with my family. It wasn't a specific object of event, but an awe and gratitude in front of BEING in all it's beauty. 

the Being of God

the Being of each and every person here i have the privilege to know, to call "friend"

the Being of every person with whom I share their lives

the Being of my sisters and brothers in community--in all our goods and bads 

the Being of my family-both physically and spiritually bound to me in this moment

the Being of all of you who support me so selflessly and bind yourselves so generously to the work we share, God's work through this Heart's Home, through daily friendships, through our openness to the gift of presence. 

the Being as gift--LIFE--every day, every minute, now and into the New Year that we are given. the beauty of BEING in all its joys, pains, laughter, sacrifices. 

It has been quite a year--something that I won't be able to fully wrap my mind around until I am far away both in time and space. It has been a year of a lot of learning, changing, growing, loving, forgiving, begging, praying, searching, receiving, holding, trudging, caring, hoping, believing, SAILING. and all of this leading me deeper and deeper into my own humanity, so that I am may better serve, respond to, and most of all, STAND IN AWE of the humanity of you and him and her and me. 

this is not only the summation of our trip together...but what I think in the end will be this year and a half.

My parents, beyond being wonderful in and of themselves, were wonderful in that they brought me books! (nerd at heart) 

Our American Roadtrip through Southern Germany was occupied mostly with window watching and reading one of the most fabulous biographies I have ever read and which I must recommend: The Soul of a Lion: Biography of Dietrich von Hildebrand by Alice von Hildebrand. 

Reading this particular part as we gained miles on our rental VW "Transporter" (yeah...there weren't a lot of choices for stick-shift-impaired Americans), I had to put the book down and gasp, look out the window, and thank the Lord for such a poetic piece of prose--one that spoke right to the moment in my life in which I needed something else to replace the pain of absence I would count on feeling in a few short days when I would wave my family goodbye on their return flight across the seas. 

{For a great experience is not limited to its actual enjoyment; there is something called 'Vorfreude', anticipated joy, and afterward, there is a resounding joy in the soul, and the gratitude one feels at having experienced it. It is like three musical movements of the same symphony, which enrich and complete each other.}