Part Three:
The next time I was visiting N the school year had just begun!! And the family had such exciting news!!! R was allowed to move up to Gymnasium, rather than staying in the regular middle school. That means she gets to go to a better school because of her performance in the past years, which is rather unheard of for a foreigner/immigrant!! N was beaming with pride and R with joy and excitement! I didn't doubt it for a second--A is so bright and dedicated to her studies, through the discipline N has raised her with.
So I spent the afternoon with them talking and hearing all about their first day back at school! We played and began to eat lunch together, but N got sick half way through and went to lay down while I hung out with the girls. Sometimes she just needs a rest of the exhaustion catches up to her. It was such a wonderful blessing to spend time with the sisters! If they had it their way, I would be over everyday! They have officially adopted me as their sister...I had to write it officially in R's diary!
I asked them if they play with their friends after school or if their friends come over to play, but A told me that if their friends saw where they lived and knew about their family, then they wouldn't be their friends anymore. Instead, they would make fun of her or look down on them and call them poor. She said it with such dejection and sadness. It broke my heart, but also showed me even clearer the blessing of being allowed to come visit and them not thinking twice about whether I was judging them or not! They really trusted me! And I have to think back on that first time I was ever invited over....what a step that must have been, what a risk--the rist that friendship requires.
A little later, N came to join us and we began talking. She asked the girls to leave and began sharing with me about her life, husband, past, etc. Her husband was already living here when he asked her to come with the girls and join him in Austria, leaving behind everything in Pakistan. But as soon as she came, she said that it was like waking up from a bad dream--he had completely changed. His family was awful and treated her like a slave. He rarely spoke to her, but abused her instead, often in front of the girls! She asked herself, "What happened? Who is this man? What have I done?!" At one point, the abuse was so bad that she had no choice but to call the police--she stayed in the apartment they owned together and the police kicked him out---according to Austrian law. He moved in with his family and she lives a completely separate life with full custody of the girls. She doesn't want a divorce but the Austrian government says it is necessary if they will continue to live apart like this--so strange what a government can force! Then she said that her husband found a new wife--his boss at the hotel where he worked--a young, beautiful, and very intelligent woman. They had a child together. N, of course, knew the woman but didn't have much contact with her. All she cold see was that her husband hadn't changed and the second wife was caught in the same abuse, terror, and slavery.
One evening, the wife appeared on N's doorstep with her child, gave the child to N, asked her to look after the little girl and turned around to leave. N immediately called her back, invited her in with a cup of tea and a compassionate ear, and said that she wouldn't allow her to go back to him. She could live with N and N would take care of her and her daughter. The wife, weeping, but filled with new hope, agreed and stayed--and that is how S and I came to live with N and her girls!
N went on--"Of course it isn't easy! The marriage bed is the marriage bed and for her to need to be taken in and cared for and even loved because of that awful man isn't easy." To see the other child from her husband and his second wife was horribly difficult at first. Her family and friends think that she is crazy and argue with her all the time, telling her that it is wrong to take in and provide for and befriend and love the second wife of your husband, but she simply says, "But she is not just the second wife of my husband, she is a human being." She was shattered by him and she needed security and love--just like any other human. She needed a refuge and escape--something that no human should ever have to need. She kept telling me--I knew what she suffered because I had suffered it as well and there is no human being who deserves to suffer like that. She is a human being and we need to take care of one another--human to human. I never want the details to allow us to rob one another of our dignity. "I cannot hate her, and I must love her, but I love her because I want to, because she is a human and deserves love."
N said that now, helping raise I (S's little daughter) is like getting a second chance. She loves her daughters the most, of course. They have beautiful mother-daughter relationships--full of the normal up's and down's of course. But N wasn't able to really enjoy the childhood of her daughters because of her marriage, her work, and her single-motherhood while her husband was in Austria. So now, I gives her that chance. And the love and friendship between N and S is unbelievable. Just being around them gives you hope for humanity. Believe in the possibility of and strength of forgiveness. Mercy. Love.
N shared with me her dream of setting aside money so that one day she can do something to help people who experience similar situations. Women like herself, like S, to give them a refuge and to welcome them into a home, with security to help them back on their feet.
What an unbelievable, unexpected, and touching afternoon. I cannot believe the path the Lord lays before us here. We need not search or strain ourselves too much for friendship is a miracle. Friendship is a gift. A gift He gives us at exactly the right moment with exactly the right person.
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Since August/September last year our relationship has grown deep, close and strong. The girls are growing up, life goes on with its million things to do and not enough hours in the day, but Nazli somehow still manages to find time to catch a little shut-eye, the girls get their homework done, and participate in Christmas plays--which were such a joy to watch!!--birthdays and holidays are celebrated, time is spent playing, talking, doing homework or quizzing for test preparation--and the months pass.
It is almost February 18th--my birthday and the day S, N, and the girls have invited me over to celebrate my birthday combined with A (who's birthday was in January) and I's (who's birthday is the 13th). They asked me already at Christmas if we could all celebrate together in February--I couldn't be more excited.
But back in October-we celebrated R's 11th birthday. Alina and I were invited as was Lily. We played, danced, watched a little TV, lip-synced, ate a fantastic meal, blew out the candles on the cake and opened presents. Just a few cute little things to note:
1. Their birthday cake tradition: After blowing out the candles, the birthday child cuts the first piece and goes around to every guest in the room and holds the piece for each guest to take a bite out of, and then after everyone hast taken a bite, she gets to eat the rest of the piece, and then the cake is cut and shared. The birthday child is the servant first, showing thanksgiving to those who are there to celebrate her life!
2. The birthday child isn't the only one to get presents! Everyone there gets a little present! And in their case...they all got big presents!! PILLOWS!!! I tell you this because I was so unbelievably struck with their excitement and joy about receiving a pillow as a birthday present. I was immediately humbled at their joy--because up till then, they hadn't had the luxury of a pillow. They couldn't wait to try them out...and in fact, :I: didn't wait....she plopped hers right on the bed and laid down next to where I was sitting. Just like children everywhere, :I: couldn't wait to play with her new toy. :)
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